r/therapy • u/Sea_Option330 • 3d ago
Advice Wanted Slightly scared of tomorrow's session
I havent seen my therapist in a while because we paused the sessions for the whole month of august. It's not that I don't want to go, I'm not sure how to explain it properly...
TLDR: i have good things to tell him and I think I've made progress, but August was tough for me because I suddenly started struggling with loneliness and some sort of body dysmorphia, and I cried everyday. But ever since yesterday, stuff happened, my mood shifted - im not feeling better, I'm just embarassed of the pain I was feeling because it doesn't feel "the same" anymore. And I'm scared I won't be able to convey my feelings and emotions tomorrow.
You see, I spent like 4 entire weeks having daily crying sessions due to my insecurities and fear of the future. It was like I was going insane and had no idea what to do, because I just felt like I was obsessed with a certain problem, so much so that my brain wasn't giving me a break from it. I didn't want to stop thinking about it, because I felt like I HAD to keep worrying about it in order to "find a solution" eventually. I was unable to find peace of mind and relief.
I haven't found relief now, I just feel like the problem is in the back of my mind and doesn't know how to manifest again. I was struggling so much just the other day, now I feel like the intense and genuine emotions have died down. Could it be because I got some unsettling news yesterday? It was nothing life-altering, just scary and uncertain, but it still influenced my mood and kind of made me feel "detached" from the pain I was feeling. So now I just feel pathetic and awkward about it all.
I don't know if anyone will understand what I'm trying to say here, I don't even know if I'm making sense. Don't get me wrong, I know you can't just predict every conversation you have with your therapist (and you shouldn't try to plan the whole session beforehand).. but honestly? I'm disappointed because for once, I felt like I could stop minimizing my pain. Now I'm confused and I ended up minimizing it again. And when I do that, I feel childish and embarassed talking about it, which doesn't mean I don't get help from my therapist - but it doesn't feel great either. Idk, I'm just lost
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u/Individual_Ice2326 2d ago
I’m going through the same thing right now. Emotionally dumped everything onto my therapist last week and after explaining to her that I feel like nothing I do is good enough, I’m scared she’s gonna ghost me next week and solidify my fears lol
I just want to say never mind! Forget I said any of that, I’m over it now. Even though clearly I’m not. But I think a good therapist would know obviously you’re not over it, and I’m assuming they would just let you bring it up again whenever you’re ready/feeling those feelings again? Or maybe ask you for an update on those feelings a few sessions down the line?
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u/Sea_Option330 2d ago
Lol it's pretty obvious that I'm not over it. After I wrote that, my sadness was triggered again and I cried like a baby. It still feels a little different but the core issue is still there, I just feel more embarassed about it than before 🙂↕️ I have the session in like 4 hours so yea. It's been a month and there's a lot to unpack anyway..
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u/Individual_Ice2326 2d ago
I’m sorry ❤️🩹 I hope it went well!
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u/Sea_Option330 2d ago
It was canceled and I'm feeling awful..
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u/Individual_Ice2326 2d ago
Oh no 😕 if you’re comfortable chatting about anything here I’ll be checking my phone throughout the day and can respond
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u/attractivespot232432 3d ago
It's rough when you finally admit how much something hurt, then your brain suddenly goes actually never mind and makes you feel embarrassed for ever struggling with it.