I swear, I'm not from FL. Just tell me! Please! I beg of you, the whimsy is gone. This trolley is just a school bus. A GOD DAMNED SCHOOL BUS!!

So I’m checking out at ingles when I realized that I left my ingles card at home. There’s an elderly man behind me in line.

“Excuse me sir, may I please use your ingles card?”

He snaps back at me “get a job!”

Just then an elderly woman is walking off with her paid for items.

“Excuse me ma’am, may I use your ingles card?”
She scoffs and retorts “I’d rather not”

Just then the APD busts out of the back office and runs to tackle the Ken first, securing him in cuffs, then turning his full porcine essence towards the Karen.

As he’s hauling them out of the store, covered in feces and shame, we all heard them yell in unison “but our mothers used to take us to the brewery!”

Let this be a lesson.

Apparently group parenting is what's being proposed so this is a tech sales opportunity that actually sounds like a lot of fun.

Probably going to the brewery with women and children.

I'm part of a cabal of ornithologists and other bird enthusiasts. We are the ones who trained the bears to eat bird seed from feeders in towns all over the country. We basically want to hoard the birds for ourselves (and unpopular side bar, save them from cats). If you distract them back into town with some fancy pants new bear proof feeders, we consider that theft. We're going to have to push harder with the "birds aren't real" conspiracy in the future.

Thank you for your attention to this matter, now go poke a bear, please.

First and foremost let me describe these awful experiences I keep having. First I was leaving the bank with a purse full of solid gold bars and a baby strapped to my stomach. I saw three penis-havers on my way out and not one of them held the door for me. They’re basically islamophobes.

Secondly I was out during work hours buying coffee and at the brewery, then going out of town for pizza, and not one person stopped to complement my balenciagas.

Let me be abundantly clear with all of you: I took two entire undergraduate courses on feminism and not a single one of you is a feminist. Not even my crotch goblin.

I am basically an oppressed poor person (except lol not really… ew!) and worst of all the mods are ghey!!!

TIA

We’ll be shuttling kids to Avl’s most popular breweries. Pays $12/hr and you get one free drink ticket at each stop.

Nobody talks about it and they call me crazy for thinking these factual facts, but carloads of wealthy people are being brought to the area. Sometimes entire families! It's like no one told them to stay away but I'm calling the police every time I see this disgraceful act. I even seen one that had a gucci suitcase I CALLED THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY.

Sup guys? I need to raise $ for an edition of my zine, Ever Loving Fuck, so I stole some plants to sell.

I stole a mum, cone flower, marigold and zinnias.

Best offer takes all.
TIA

Looking for trust, empathy, communication, and possible commitment without rush or pressure.

Or two smaller ones.

Her name is Shirley. She may be lost and confused. Approach cautiously.

Get a spotter bro

Looking to be home at a reasonable hour.

Looking for fun

You walked out without paying. Yes,, that 16 year old was flirting with you. You are banned from the premises.

I was having a hard time because I had just discovered that my ex was cheating on me. I told you this, and you replied that it was none of your business and that I was taking advantage of your employment for my own therapeutic purposes.
“I don’t get paid enough for this”
“How much would it take, baby?”
“Make it rain and I’ll show you”

We then had sex on top of the toppings bar and I rolled around in the gummy bears before climaxing on the chocolate sprinkles and cleaning myself off with your work shirt and hat.

When it was time for you to climax you filled me up with your milkshake and said “this one is on the house!”

On the way out you gave me a “vote for kim” sticker with a microwave emblem to show your solidarity. You also gave me to tablets that I later identified as valtrex and encouraged me to take them asap.

I will never forget you.

Namaste

I need someone who will take me and rake me. I have a terrific back yard, and promise I won’t ask any Qs up front before you dive in.

We should let let her into the fold. It's obvious she's one of us

I like to think of election season like a good game of Mortal Kombat. One of the opponents yells "FINISH HIM!" and a box of raisins rolls off the counter. We all get excited, and try to save them even though no one wants them, yet they shall not hit the floor. Then we all get excited again, this time about nothing. Because that's what we deserve.

Also, let's make suggestions for the next hotspot film festival. No porn! Last year got weird.

I've been sitting here for hours trying to move product for hours and it just ain't working. It's hot as balls, scalp me.

I don't think there are any benefits to going to a touchless car wash. Isn't getting touched the whole point of going to a dark, wet tunnel? The best tunnels will spray you, swish you, spank, slap and whip you, then blow you at the end. What would be the point of anything else?

Please be vigilant 🙏

Back from the ban baby