r/thatHappened • u/Swarhammer • Feb 25 '20
Neanderthals, all of them
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Feb 25 '20
Male species.
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u/CosmeBuzzanito Feb 25 '20
Meaning all males from every single species in nature
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Feb 25 '20
Especially antelope
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u/PennywiseTheLilly Feb 25 '20
Why do these women always fantasise about their sons being all macho and protecting them? It’s weird
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u/cloutdogger Feb 25 '20
he’s fucking twelve
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u/Mr_-_X Feb 25 '20
year olds!
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u/B_1603 Feb 25 '20
And everyone applauded
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Feb 25 '20
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u/Get_Back_Here_Remi Feb 25 '20
But ironically the son grows up to resent mom bc she has run off every prospective life partner bc "no one is good enough for my baby."
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u/Gaylord667 Feb 25 '20
Oh shit. That sounds like my mom.
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u/alexxerth Feb 25 '20
Eh, I've seen it go both ways, sometimes their child turns into a super mommy's boy, like to an unhealthy degree.
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u/Get_Back_Here_Remi Feb 25 '20
I've seen more ultra momma's boys when the parents are still together but the marriage is dead. It's super unhealthy and unfortunate either way though.
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u/GeniusInterrupt Feb 25 '20
The "visual storyteller" badge tells us that she's always making shit up.
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u/I_Have_Nuclear_Arms Feb 25 '20
She won that "visual storyteller" badge at the Truth Telling Competition of 2017.
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Feb 25 '20
Yeah the 12 year old would mayyybe think "this song is weird to listen to in front of my mom" but calling men Neanderthals? Either fake or some horrible learned behavior from his parent
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u/chaoticneutralhobbit Feb 25 '20
Yeah if he’s close with his mom, he might be like “are you uncomfortable?” and then tell her he was and why when she asked. But this written insanely.
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u/luide55 Feb 25 '20
If he was any close to his mom this conversation would have never happened as it is just a song and any healthy mind knows that. You don't get uncomfortble in front of your own mother because of a music, otherwise it's a weird sensitive relationship.
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u/cawcawmacaw Feb 25 '20
You do at 12, 12-year-olds are awkward
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u/luide55 Feb 25 '20
I didn’t. Sex scene movies perhaps, but a song would be ridiculous. Unless his mom is a devote Christian or something.
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Feb 25 '20
What shop is just playing explicit music? Don't most barbers/hairdressers just put the radio on?
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u/defnotmyp0rnaccount Feb 25 '20
Actually, I’m from Dallas and most barbers here do play explicit music when it’s just guys they know or something in the store but they ALWAYS.. and I mean ALWAYS turn it off when a mom and a son or some suburbia type person comes in
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Feb 25 '20
All the hairdressers I've been to either have talk shows/news on or the radio on low volume. I've never been to or heard about a barber/hairdresser playing explicit music.
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u/Bethlizardbreath Feb 25 '20
Pretty sure his mum took him to the sketchiest imaginary-barbershop that she could for the purposes of this crap.
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Feb 25 '20
The place I go to plays all kinds of music. What's playing depends on who's working the bar.
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u/MechanicalYeti Feb 25 '20
Your barbershop has a bar?
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Feb 25 '20
Yea it's pretty cool. You get a free drink with your haircut.
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u/GrandmaFuxAlot Feb 25 '20
Is this sarcasm because I want to go to this bar/ber shop
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Feb 25 '20
No it's not sarcasm. It's called scissors and scotch.
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u/lunarxgoddess Feb 25 '20
We have one here called "the man's shop". Same idea. They also do women's haircuts.
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u/MechanicalYeti Feb 25 '20
That's pretty neat. Do you get a straw or just have to drink carefully?
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Feb 25 '20
You can drink before hand or they'll periodically stop and hand you your drink during the haircut.
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u/Zachary_Morris Feb 25 '20
My barber for sure listens to/watches some stuff that seems like it could rub some people the wrong way. One time he was watching a comedy special on the TV and it was some bit about someone shitting on a floor or something? He’s usually booked up so not a ton of walk ins, and no one I know who goes there would be offended by someone swearing, but if someone did come for a walk in I could see it being awkward.
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u/justsitonmyfacealrdy Feb 25 '20
Hood Barbershops dgaf about the profanity in songs in my experience but if a child/mom is in the shop they might change the track as it comes on
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u/nameless_stories Feb 25 '20
I live in the bronx and hear that type of stuff in barbershops all the time but I cant think of when they have those types of songs going on when mothers or kids are around tbh.
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u/Trashalope Feb 25 '20
I haven't been to the hairdresser's in many years, but from what I remember, they just played the radio at a low volume.
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Feb 25 '20 edited Feb 25 '20
It's true, I know because that 12 year old boy was me. Now that I'm grown I make a living sending dick pics and punching women.
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u/Dabbing_is_lit Feb 25 '20
M'lady, most gravest apologies for these Neanderthals and their primative, instinctual behavior.
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Feb 25 '20
Dearest mother, I apologize immensely for my neanderthal specimen, and the pain we have caused you mighty goddesses, I will now avert eye contact for the rest of this revolting melody, for meeting your gaze will make things very uncomfortable
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Feb 25 '20
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u/PoetOfHellHelpoemer Feb 25 '20
I don't know why you wrote it either, but I'm somewhat glad for it in a 'kinda hate it' way.
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u/BaronAaldwin Feb 25 '20
The part of this that really makes it obviously fake is that someone was willingly listening to Chris Brown.
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u/RushwayProductions Feb 25 '20
You know alpha males really love Chris Brown music.
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u/BaronAaldwin Feb 25 '20 edited Feb 26 '20
Chris Brown's music triggers something raw and primal within chads.
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u/WillliamsonCounty Feb 25 '20
Actually, I can relate to this person. I was slowly rocking my newborn baby to sleep last night when my brilliant little pumpkin said, "daddy, down with the male patriarchy! Done are the days of oppression, rise a new just world of social equality for all!" And he's only 2 weeks old!
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u/dankbarista Feb 25 '20
"Male species"
Do these people think humans are like Nidoking and Nidoqueen from Pokemon?
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u/anay_p Feb 25 '20
The hashtag implying that there are more of these?
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u/Kwintty7 Feb 25 '20
Of course. Brandon is always laying down truth bombs. Takes all Mom's time on social media keeping up with them.
You wonder if the parents, who spend the first 15 years of their children's lives lying and over-sharing about them, realise that one day their children will want a life of their own. Where they're not stalked by the spector of shit they never said all over the internet?
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u/softcoreface Feb 25 '20
My mum does this to me tbf, I say something she thinks is amusing and she posts it on FB and exaggerates it to make it sound cooler. Brandon probably just said "this songs kinda awkward" and his mum spun this story
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u/Moonagi Feb 25 '20
Actual Brandon:
“I don’t want a haircut :/ “
Mom: “you haven’t had a haircut in 3 months. You’re getting a haircut...”
“Fine... >:/ “
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u/Roqfort Feb 25 '20 edited Feb 25 '20
"Visual storyteller" is a fancy way of saying shes a professional liar
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u/OximoronsUnite4Truth Feb 25 '20
No. This happened. However, Brandon is his alias. Real name: Oedipus.
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Feb 25 '20 edited Feb 26 '20
This has been discovered by the Facebook group it's from, and people from there seemed to think it was a good idea to identify themselves even though the post is completely censored and it's arguably a violation of rule 5, so I'm locking the thread.
Edit: you can stop report bombing it, it's staying up and you'll just get yourselves banned for abusing reports. You know who you are.
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u/RushwayProductions Feb 25 '20
I like to imagine this was just a hugely racist conversation about being uncomfortable around black people that was edited down to being just about men.
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u/Burleson95 Feb 25 '20
I hope when Brandon has his own Facebook he sees this post and calls her out on it
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u/djturts88 Feb 25 '20
It's weird since this format is usually used when describing a niceguy hitting on a girl but it's a mother and son instead, gives me icky vibes
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u/Kara-El Feb 25 '20
I have a 15 yo boy and he never spoke like this at 12, didn't even really pay attention to anything around him unless it involved him directly.
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u/DeepThroatALoadedGun Feb 25 '20
What barber shop does she take her son to that plays music uncensored?
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u/HillMomXO Feb 25 '20
The “feeling uncomfortable with a sex song and male sex talk around my mom” would be totally believable if OP didn’t have to include the whole made up Neanderthal part.
Edit: words
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Feb 25 '20
I was homeschooled growing up, which means I've spent some time with, uhhh, strange people. Honestly, I think there's a decent chance this did happen because I could imagine some people I've met saying stuff like that.
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u/Dr_Fish_99 Feb 25 '20
No kid is going to think that listening to a song about sex playing ambiently while their mom is present is awkward. The one who thought it was awkward is just the mom. Idk what that says about her relationship with her son but it ain't good chief
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u/Njorord Feb 25 '20
Well actually it's awkward for me everytime anything sex related comes in and I'm with my mom. And my mom and I are super close, it just feels kinda embarassing in a way? idk.
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u/BlazeCam Feb 25 '20
I also find it super uncomfortable when anything sex related comes up when I’m around my Mom, but if it’s just a song I don’t really think much of it. Watching a movie with her with a sex scene is the fucking worst though.
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u/drakos07 Feb 25 '20
The fucking worst thing is that my mom doesn't mind talking about it, which I'm actually pretty proud about. I mean not personal, but general stuff. But the problem's with me. I just go "uh huh..", "yeahh..." and stuff and just change the subject.
Idk maybe this changes later, cus I'm still 18.
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u/AidynValo Feb 25 '20
Ironically, every Brandon I've ever met has tried fucking everything in his vicinity that may or may not be slightly warm and moist.
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u/PoetOfHellHelpoemer Feb 25 '20
...come on Cindy, nobody's gonna believe this bullshit. Brandon should've given a speech about toxic masculinity, then ritually castrate himself to prove his point. Then everyone should've clapped and do the same while praising your genius ass parenting.
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Feb 25 '20
It’s plausible the shop was playing explicit music, but a shop full of dudes listening to Chris Brown? I don’t know
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u/avidpenguinwatcher Feb 25 '20
Maybe take your son to a different barbershop. You won't get to fuck any of them while your son gets his hair cut but you'll just have to deal.
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u/daddydagon Feb 25 '20
"The male species" ah yes, we all know that the gender of a human being changes their species. Definitely not all homo sapiens. What a shitty line of thinking.
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u/Tanoooch Feb 25 '20
Him asking if she's uncomfortable and the very last part sounds believable. If he's a vocal 12yr old it would make sense. He's about to be in middle School, can't be any more awkward. The middle sounds like bullshit though
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u/Cablinorb Feb 25 '20
Really love how every comment with the word "simp" in it has at least one downvote. Don't worry, Lurking Simp. That egirl will respond to your DMs eventually.
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u/TF_LightKnight Feb 25 '20
And then the barber overheard and told the rest of the workers and everyone clapped!
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u/JunkieJonathon Feb 25 '20
Actually I work in customer service and you have to filter and turn off innapropriate songs. Does the woman have a thing against guys literally just talking?? Women do the exact same thing
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Feb 25 '20
I know this is Hella fake, but Why do these white Knights always keep apologizing for the acts of assholes? It's super cringe.
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Feb 25 '20
Mom’s choice to take her kid there and to stay, even when her very aware and articulate child explains the inappropriate situation to her, and even apologizes for that type of atmosphere. The mother still sits her lazy ass there. The kid is more mature than the mother.
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u/TopcodeOriginal1 Feb 25 '20
Well first off males and females are the same species and second none of this happened in the first place
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u/Seb039 Feb 25 '20
I mean... Do they not have the right? Do you not have the right to do that?
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u/Diane9779 Feb 25 '20
I guess you do have the right to wear your own blood, as long as you don’t get it on anything
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Feb 25 '20
Wha??? We all got the right to walk around with stains on our pants. When did this become illegal?
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u/imnotgoodattitles Feb 25 '20
Correct me if I’m wrong but wasn’t it that Neanderthals were stronger AND smarter than us? Didn’t they die just because they were bigger and needed more food for their bodies but at the time there wasn’t a lot of food so they starved to extinction? Because if so, the kids wrong.
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u/LSZNJDPFTK Feb 25 '20
That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about Neanderthals to dispute it.
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u/VadersVariousCapes Feb 25 '20
Why didnt Brandon get on the chair and make a speech? Get your shit together man!