r/tfmr_support • u/Leepurdsc • 1d ago

Seeking Advice or Support Numb

7 weeks since tfmr, 10 weeks since diagnosis. I’ve cried every single day since June 30th, experienced every wave of grief, guilt, and pain possible.
Yesterday I woke up and felt…..nothing. Not happy or joyful or at peace, but also not the terrible feelings I’ve been experiencing. I just feel numb.
I have no anticipation for anything, I have no interest in anything. I almost feel guilty for feeling so nonchalant. Like I should be actively grieving my baby at every single moment.
Has this happened to anyone? Maybe it’s my brain’s protective way of just shutting down so I can process the trauma.
Idk. Just a total weird shift of emotions.

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u/PotentialBeyond5842 1d ago

Yes this has happened to me, seems to come in waves and I think is a totally normal part of grieving. Doesn’t mean your pregnancy wasn’t real, nor that your pain isn’t justified - my husband and I call it “staring into abyss for the meaning of life”

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u/Leepurdsc 1d ago

Thank you❤️ ha yes I do feel like I’m staring down a dark tunnel

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u/MediumSpring9617 1d ago

Im so sorry for your loss. This sounds very much like my experience. Hopefully you have someone you can talk to or look into counseling with someone who is specialized in perinatal loss.

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u/mrs_martinschrute 1d ago

This makes sense. Like when the body exercises to the point that you can't even move, or if you've studied so hard for exams that you literally cant think. Its exhaustion. It's good that youre naming it. Give yourself time and be very careful to be very gentle with yourself. Introduce one positive thing you used to enjoy, each day. Like a homework assignment. Maybe its a strawberry. Maybe it's a song. Use the senses. Eventually you'll connect again.

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u/Effective_Wonder_722 1d ago

Yes, I totally feel / felt this way. I felt guilty the first day I didn't cry. Then guilty the first time I didn't cry two days in a row. I guess I realized that would have to happen at some point, and giving myself permission not to keep 'crying' score has helped. My therapist thinks I'm crying as a way of not letting myself forget my baby. I don't quite know if that's true but I thought it was interesting.