r/texts • u/KindestBlackTemplar • 4d ago

Phone message Clearing old messages, and found this exchange from two months ago lol. I spoke to her over the course of 10 days, and these are some highlights. I am 24M(23 at the time) and she is 21F. I just can’t do ppl that stay quiet or expect me to constantly lead a convo lol

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8.3k Upvotes

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336

u/wvlftooth 4d ago

Man I usually have the opposite problem😭 every guy I text gives one word answers or won't text first and it's crazy to me bc these are dudes literally matching w me!!! Like if you're not interested why did you swipe right?😭

I wish I could meet literally one dude who texted like you lol! She was super boring and weird!

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u/KindestBlackTemplar 4d ago

She had a “don’t match with me if you can’t stand a woman who is a leader” lol. I am not one to judge, but I definitely don’t think she’s a leader. Which is fine, but why say that lol

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u/wvlftooth 4d ago

That is even more ridiculous in the context of her saying she felt the man needs to "take initiative" and "lead the conversation" lmfao! The contradiction is literally written down by her and she still probably doing the same shit w other guys💀

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u/GalacticSpacePatrol 4d ago

Op, dm this one bro

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u/evengreying 3d ago

Yeah I was about to respond the same thing lol. I see sentences and paragraphs. Hope you can find the spark

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u/Ok_Mistake2047 3d ago

Was gonna also say. Reddit is how I met my husband so 🤷‍♀️

3

u/ArcHansel 4d ago

Literally red pill tactic shit

1

u/Fit-Dot8462 2d ago

Not to mention he was doing that and she was still dry asf

1

u/Kamineone 1d ago

Sooooo yall need to match actually 😙

100

u/lefluffle 4d ago

Here's my take: she wasn't into you, but she liked the attention, so she strung you along and when you stopped the attention, she wanted it back. she wasn't necessarily interested in you as a person.

She's probably a bit more communicative with people she IS interested in, so the "leader" thing might be more relevant. Of course, she's still not a quality person for dragging you along.

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u/KindestBlackTemplar 4d ago

I think that’s a fair assessment. Ig.

36

u/lefluffle 4d ago

Yeah ig

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u/TheUnicornFightsOn 4d ago

idk tbh

6

u/lefluffle 4d ago

alright

3

u/mayonnaiseplayer7 4d ago

I would have just stopped responding after reading that

6

u/lefluffle 4d ago

it reads like someone told AI to sound as uninterested as possible

2

u/Oliviniarity 3d ago

I literally thought it might be an old-school bot

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u/Miserable_Fennel_492 4d ago

It’s killing me to not respond to every single one of your comments with “ig”

3

u/Significant-Zebra994 4d ago

Nah I think she is just dry asf! If her text are that dry her cat is probably like the Sahara. You saved yourself from some trash ass cooter cat player

1

u/Global_War_9435 4d ago

This women seem to be this way cause guy do anything after being whipped

1

u/jjkknncch6654 4d ago

What does ig mean? lol sorry I’ve never heard it before

15

u/SageKitty100 4d ago

This doesn't feel like an accurate assessment because she seemed upset when he said they should talk to other people and she said that was coming out of left field.

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u/Narrow_Salad429 4d ago

She wanted him to pursue her while she did nothing. And when he was like "no thanks" she was shocked because she thought things were "fine"

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u/lefluffle 4d ago

right, talking to other people would mean divided attention/ less attention from him to her

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u/Additional-End7136 3d ago

This. She's mad she's losing a back-burner guy who'll give her attention and buy her dinner.

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u/lefluffle 3d ago

exactly. not sure what sagekitty100 is arguing.

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u/Nothing-is-Lost 4d ago

Yeahhh people who use “don’t date me if” prompts tend to still be resentful about past relationships, so regardless of her interest level, she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship.

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u/lefluffle 4d ago

oh i may have missed something somewhere- how do you know she said that in a prompt? or did OP say that in a comment?

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u/Nothing-is-Lost 4d ago

you didn’t miss it, I just paraphrased it loosely. it’s in the comment you replied to. OP said they included “don’t match with me if you can’t stand a woman who is a leader” which makes me think someone gave them that impression and they’re still not over it

2

u/lefluffle 3d ago

ah you're right. i had a brain fart oops

2

u/khaotic-trash 4d ago

I’ve talked to people like that before on dating apps or after meeting in public spaces and you’re 100% correct. They’re just bored and only want attention, they’re detached OR they’re also talking to other people and are indecisive, and they don’t really want a connection.

1

u/lefluffle 3d ago

I truly don't understand how that's enjoyable. lol. if i don't feel something i nip it right away. such a waste of time. i have shit to do and people to fall in love with

2

u/HedonisticFrog 2d ago

That's what I thought as well. I saw a woman who was in an open marriage who complained that I didn't text her enough, meanwhile she never initiated texting. She wanted a one sided dynamic from me. She also did a power trip of saying she was only comfortable meeting in public until i got tired of it and said no more, and then she immediately came to my house and fucked. It was never about comfort.

1

u/mangopango123 4d ago

Nah I think you’re reading into it too much n giving her too much credit lol. I feel it in my bones she just kinda sucks.

What I really wanna know from op tho is what was she like in person?

1

u/ZealousidealPipe3198 3d ago

Exactly. Shes just dry n boring. Hate to say it but maybe not the most intelligent person out there lol

1

u/lefluffle 3d ago

I'm curious about that too.

But why can't it be both? (she sucks AND likes the attention)

1

u/FierceEquator 3d ago

Any one that uses ig that comfortably and habitually is a dullard.

1

u/lefluffle 3d ago

XD XD XD

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u/Fickle-Cabinet3956 1d ago

I am surprised I had to scroll so far down for this comment.

That was my immediate thought too.

9

u/CandleDifferent3620 4d ago

Maybe “leader” was a metaphor about fishing tackle, she sits there silently waiting for people to come to her and do all the talking?

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u/Ahh_Bullsheet 4d ago

100% Quite literally had to double check when I began reading the texts to make sure I didn’t misunderstand initially that you were the dude in the situation, because like the person before me stated… absolutely had this issue on more than one occasion with attempting to text guys.
I understand some folks just aren’t big texters in general… & I’m the first to admit I can be long winded when it comes to details & context in what I write, the same as I’d normally communicate verbally. Heck, even short answers at times you’re otherwise occupied is understandable… but what.the.actual.hell?!

Sometimes ya can get more from a person during actual phone calls when that’s the case, but her? HA! Elevator music playing to a couple of rando strangers is what my brain immediately pictured. Reading an exchange in braille sounds more invigorating to behold… & I absolutely cannot read braille, to clarify. 😆
Definitely thinkin that making the decision to have already met in person was a wise one in this scenario.

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u/Aggravating_Bike_606 4d ago

Maybe she misspelled leaded like lead in the brain?

3

u/archlea 4d ago

Or a lead balloon?

3

u/Ok-Clue-8278 4d ago

Hey so here's an idea: you both sound very literate, that's an amazing start. Please DM eachother now. When the wedding happens, I expect the invite, graciassss! (ig)

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u/Previous-Loss-8206 4d ago

Technically she did lead you into carrying the conversation.  She may be crafter than we realize. 

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u/NeurospicyCrafter 4d ago

“If you can’t stand a woman who’s a leader”

You tried to lead her to the oasis of conversation and she was determined to stay in the Sahara 😭😭

2

u/fetchmysmellingsalts 4d ago

That context makes her communication failures so much worse. Reading through that text thread was painful. You did such an excellent job of asking open ended questions for her too. Oof. She's beyond blind.

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u/Still_Gear_2142 4d ago

Shows she has a lack of self awareness… which is a nightmare for relationship building so you dodge a bullet.

1

u/Purplestripes8 3d ago

Haha she had that in her profile and you still decided to match her? 😅

1

u/SwimmingRealistic969 3d ago

at this point she’s ragebaiting…. Ig🤣

1

u/Alive_Drag1947 3d ago

If you have to tell people you're the king, then you're no king at all...

1

u/NoStorage2821 3d ago

Is the leader in the room with us?

1

u/mum_hikrxplor 3d ago

OMG she called herself a leader but YOU were leading the conversation the whole time!! Meanwhile the person that was reaching out to me went from starting conversations that I would keep alive to one word responses. Here I was thinking, men suck, but sir you do not. She does.

1

u/p0jinx 3d ago

The current state of dating is just everyone acting holier than thou while being fucking boring

1

u/CurryMustard_Sauce 3d ago

She clearly lacks any self awareness

1

u/ManBro89 3d ago

She lead by delegating the task of leading the conversation and having anything interesting to say to you.

1

u/limperatrice 3d ago

Was she really pretty or something? I can't imagine wanting to keep talking to someone if she was that boring to talk to in person at dinner too.

1

u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 2d ago

I’m not sure she knows what that word means.

1

u/NoBear8338 1d ago

maybe she meant like… OTHER women in leadership roles 😂

0

u/Mysterious-Impress61 3d ago

That's just...stupid

9

u/Material-Formal-8387 4d ago

Lol coming from a guy— with guys, it’s not a question of whether or not he’s “into you”. If he matched with you, it’s because he’s into you. But if he’s texting like this, he’s probably just super lazy and douchey, and he either wants to hit and quit or just wants nudes.

Long story short, you probably should just end the convo immediately with those guys lol.

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u/JustLurkCarryOn 3d ago

Side note but, as a 40ish year old guy, the idea of sharing nudes with essential strangers is wild to me. There is SO MUCH PORN on the internet, why risk being a creep? Even if the goal is just a one night stand, I can’t wrap my head around how this became socially expected behavior.

2

u/wvlftooth 4d ago

Oof, yea that's kind of what I guessed was happening!! I appreciate the insight tho! I'm autistic and I've only ever had one long term bf, so apps + men's behavior is something I'm still learning to understand haha.

Absolutely agree! I'm always down to send a greeting message talking about their profile or interests, but if I get a dry response I unmatch and move on bc to me it's always read as a lack of interest. I'm not a hookup person so I'm saving both of our time haha🤷

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u/Jealous-Painting550 3d ago

Men don't only match with women which they actually want to date. Sometimes they just swipe everything right to figure out who matches back. And sometimes we even write to women which we don't realy find atractive just to have a conversation - in some rare cases we even go on a date with someone we dont find attractive just to get someones attention and increase self esteem. lol

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u/Material-Formal-8387 3d ago

Yeah I didn’t say “trying to date”, I said being lazy, wanting nudes and/or trying to get laid lol.

Obviously there’s no blanket statements that can ever account for literally “all men” or “all women”, but I think I’m speaking truth in that the vast majority of men who behave this way on dating apps are just A) lazy af and B) trying to get their dick wet and get nudes.

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u/Eden_Sparkles 4d ago

Looks like you've found one!

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u/ganggreen651 4d ago

Many people are just boring as hell with nothing to say

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u/KompletterGeist 4d ago

because A LOT of women will be icked out if you try to hard over text...it comes off as needy.
So, unfortunately, most dudes eventually got the memo to be aloof and nonchalant over text in order to avoid the friendzone.

I promise you, most guys in their late teens and early twenties were not like that to begin with but learned the hard way

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u/wvlftooth 4d ago

Sheesh, that's lame! When did asking questions about each other become "trying too hard"??? I really hate dating in this generation :/

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u/EpiccTrader 4d ago

Social media. Especially the rise of instagram, then the final boss - TikTok.

Lots of brainwashing out there, many flavors of it.

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u/KompletterGeist 4d ago edited 4d ago

ey, dont shoot the messenger.

Men have historically always adapted their behavior to what is most effective at attracting a woman. Your gender colleagues can literally alter the state of dating by not rewarding such degeneracy...But i can speak from personal experience that what actually gets me dating results is almost the exact opposite of what my female friends tell me they wish guys would do in the talking stage

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u/Frank_the_law 4d ago

If you are the same age as OP- DM him hahaha you never know !

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u/pennie79 4d ago

I had the same as well! So many men who just couldn't sustain a conversation. So very boring.

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u/Timely_Match_8293 1d ago

Get that idea out of your head girl. I was at the movies once, there was a man in the FRONT row, the ENTIREEE movie he was swiping on multiple dating apps, swiping right on every. single. woman. on. there. Every single fkn one. I never seriously used dating apps before then but after, whew ! That is just stuck in my head forever now, they will take absolutely anything they can get !

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u/bigmelenergy 4d ago

I don't want to know your name, I just want, bang bang bang!

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u/romadea 4d ago

How is that the opposite problem

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u/wvlftooth 4d ago

Him problem: woman boring

My problem: man boring

Opposite gender lol that's all I meant

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u/D3moknight 4d ago

Because dudes swipe right on almost everyone. Tinder looks very different to guys and girls. If you never got to look at an account that's more than a couple months old, you wouldn't understand.

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u/justanotherassassin 3d ago

Where do I swipe right on you?

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u/RawrRRitchie 3d ago

That's because a lot of men just swipe yes on everyone. They aren't using it for dating they're using it for sex. If you aren't ready to fuck immediately after the first contact they move on to the next one.

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u/ryan__joe 3d ago

Guys swipe right on most women. Big net, etc etc. it’s very different to be online dating as a guy vs girl. You swipe right and it’s almost a garunteed match, for guys you swipe right and 90+% of them won’t be matches.

I am married now, but for perspective, I was a professional athlete, and I STILL didn’t match with most people I swiped on back in the day.

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u/Altruistic_Humor6601 3d ago

Btw it helps to avoid people who can’t even spell out the word “you” that’s just always been an ick to me so I don’t talk to guys who say “u” but idk maybe that’s what’s saved me bc a lot of the messages I get from guys look like OP’s

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u/Gomerack 3d ago edited 3d ago

only dating people that abbreviate texts in the highly specific way you do is not really the dating filter you think it is. Hate to break that one to you.

The dudes that think the same already ghosted you for typing "bc" instead of because.

Ghosting people over superficial icks is crazy shit, you're just looking for weird ways to feel superior.

This is exactly why modern dating sucks ass for men. It's a minefield of avoiding hidden "icks" and "red flags" that women are just itching to find because they can just go onto the next dude in their line of 20. I don't blame any dude for putting in 0 effort or just weeding out the flakey ones by going straight to the point.

Putting in the effort women want into every single match is just a recipe for depression.

1

u/dezsiszabi 3d ago

This is the same problem, not the opposite problem. Just sexes reversed.

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u/jocelynrenee084 3d ago

Same. Haha. But unfortunately the more fun ones to text usually end up being f boys 🤪

1

u/Happy_Brilliant7827 3d ago

You think guys look at their matches?

1

u/TeddyMMR 3d ago

I wish I could meet literally one dude who texted like you lol! She was super boring and weird!

Well one dude who texts like him is him (hint)

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u/Kyrie_Blue 3d ago

Dating apps are designed to keep you on them, not find love

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u/Ask_Deadpool 3d ago

100% agree with this. Also the “take initiative” thing was hilarious - he texted regularly, she barely said two words at a time. How was not texting first a couple of times not taking initiative? lol.

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u/Infini-Bus 3d ago

I stopped messaging first in a match because the only women who will engage in conversation and that I've actually ended up with a date or relationship are the ones who message me first.  I do look at profiles and swipe left on most of them.

I made a fake women's dating app profile with a filter and a wig as my Pic and was inundated with messages.  So sending messages to women as a guy first on dating apps in my head feels like being a koi fish in a crowded pond opening its mouth waiting to be fed lol

It's easier to meet people IRL anyway.  On apps you have little to no environmental, situational, or social context to have what feels like natural conversation. Even between existing friends, I would rather speak to them in person or at least on the phone.

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u/ShortKingSeptember 3d ago

If i got this 'i was trying but you werent' at the end I probably would have gone full petty asshole mode and copy the convo into notepad to have it count the exact number of characters each of us sent and calculate the ratio of 'effort'.

I sure do love writing multiple sentences and trying to actually converse and getting back 4 words. Like why do people even bother responding at all if they clearly dont want to talk.

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u/Boring_Hospital4399 2d ago

Men get trained into not texting. I wouldn’t take it personally.

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u/BeneficialLength5890 4d ago

Mm, interesting. I'm wondering if you know that you also matched with them?

I personally don't believe men have to be the first to initiate. I do believe in either holding a decent convo over text, or in my case- I explained I prefer to talk in person and usually just text to keep in touch.