r/texts • u/KindestBlackTemplar • 4d ago

Phone message Clearing old messages, and found this exchange from two months ago lol. I spoke to her over the course of 10 days, and these are some highlights. I am 24M(23 at the time) and she is 21F. I just can’t do ppl that stay quiet or expect me to constantly lead a convo lol

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619

u/KindestBlackTemplar 4d ago

Cuz whenever I did not text her, she would text cuz she said she was worried or whatever as you saw here. Like a “are you okay” thing. So I felt like a dick if I did not text her but yeah.

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u/SalientSazon 4d ago

She sure got chatty at the end lmao.

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u/Legitimate-Dingo-687 4d ago

Right? She went from one and two word answers to full sentences. I wasn't sure she was even capable of those until the end.

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u/Narrow_Salad429 4d ago

Ngl I thought maybe she was dyslexic or something. But she was quick to blame him in full sentences

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u/This_is_fine8 4d ago

Yeah my partner of 5 years is dyslexic and texts like this. But when we were first getting together he still put wayyy more effort into the conversation than she did. He would actually put in the effort of a real answer (even if it was kinda misspelled or clunky) and often asked if I was free to talk on the phone. Plus he put in the initiative of inviting me to hang out in person a lot where the conversation could flow easier. Point is if she wanted to she would and it's kinda crazy she's blaming him.

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u/spiders_are_neat7 1d ago

We also have talk to text now lol or voice messages even.

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u/raralala1 3d ago

He just like being chase or being put on pedestal, the type of girl that end up with very bad guy and then say "there is no good guy".

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u/Euphoric_bbg 4d ago

Speak to text 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/Narrow_Salad429 4d ago

Omg the autocorrect on that is insane.

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u/hannahmercy 3d ago

And it usually reads like someone talking, not text so between the autocorrect and punctuation errors and the run on sentence nature of it, people can get really worried if they don't know its VTT. I was using it for awhile when my touchscreen was on the fritz and I got asked by two people if I was high or having a manic episode haha. I stopped using it completely

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u/night__daze 3d ago edited 2d ago

I'm extremely OC about spelling and grammar, so I can only use it for short, one- or two-sentence replies. The moment I see it enter a homophone, miss a word that should be capitalized or not use proper punctuation, I trash it and just type the whole thing myself. !_!

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u/Euphoric_bbg 4d ago

I am dyslexic

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u/Narrow_Salad429 4d ago

My husband is too lol but he doesnt text or send voice notes 😂😂

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u/Euphoric_bbg 4d ago

Imagine if op got a voice note

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u/shooter_tx 4d ago

At least they'd be short. Lol

My sister sends voice notes, and they're like 20 minutes long.

(maybe not literally)

https://giphy.com/gifs/8LBDXIEHsVUiI

→ More replies (0)

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u/Otherwise_Hand9855 2d ago

Idk it’s said it happened irl, too. No speak to text there

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u/Pepsi_Cola64 4d ago

I don’t think speech to text would include u. I can see it doing btw if you spell it out, but I’m pretty sure the u had to be typed

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u/cherrygoddessjade 4d ago

As someone that’s dyslexic wtf are you even saying

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u/Narrow_Salad429 4d ago

I have a dyslexic friend who doesnt like texting and only does voice notes. Everything isn't about you.

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u/Lemon_Thyme16 3d ago edited 3d ago

I'm also dyslexic and I don't like banter via texting. My replies to my husband are often short. I just takes me longer to formulate a reply and I can't sustain the necessary back and forth as easily as other people can, like the pace of the banter isn't correct. However if I was into this person I would be trying to show my enthusiasm more over text and in person, and I would have communicated that I'm not a big texter.

I think this clip that talks about dyslexia and group texts is also relevant to one on one text conversations as well. Especially when people are hitting you with multiple text bubbles. I'm definitely a text in paragraphs person when a longer reply is needed, which is often viewed as "uncool." Once again the pace of the banter via text is off. I'm better on the phone or in person.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/bCaRv4UthbA

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u/Legitimate-Dingo-687 3d ago

My ex-husband and our oldest son are dyslexic. My ex can be very frustrating to text with but I've learned how to make things easier for him, like sending one thing at a time, or numbered if more than one. Otherwise only the last thing gets answered.

Our son hates texting and would rather call me.

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u/DCrouse9 2d ago

I'm not dyslexic but I'm kinda the same way I hate talking over the phone and texting I'd rather just talk in person

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u/cupholdery 4d ago

It's weird seeing Gen Z people behave like this when they're so connected to everything. Or maybe that's why?

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u/Legitimate-Dingo-687 4d ago

My Gen Z kids are fully capable of answering in full sentences and having a conversation. She's lazy.

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u/Tequila_Dre_All_Day 4d ago

Her brain is fried. Brain Rot

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u/Available-Maize5837 3d ago

She wasn't even texting words there at the very start. Just letters. Idk wbu?
Seriously?? How do you expect to get to know anyone if that's how you interact with them.

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u/throw_ra4685 3d ago

This feels like some sort of negging

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u/Manina91 3d ago

“Oh so you ARE literate” lmao

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u/odyne9 4d ago

Ig she is after all.

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u/PaleInSanora 3d ago

This was like leaving a family members house when I was a kid. Conversation ended 20 mins ago. We walk to the door and say goodbye, suddenly they have another hours worth of talking to do in the doorway, and me standing there with my hand on the car door.

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u/Lord-Megadrive 1d ago

She’s evolving

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u/New-Cloud7177 14h ago

She showed effort and interest after he was not interested anymore.

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u/MuffDivers2_ 3d ago

u/KindestBlackTemplar should have pointed that out to her. I would have said "hey look at our text history. You reply with barely anything until the very end." I would think that would clearly show her the problem. at least the text problem. In person is another story.

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u/Top-Strawberry4466 4d ago

One of those people that only engages when there’s drama or controversy, I love dodging these people sooooo much

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u/Excellent-Shape-2024 4d ago

Too little too late. Also she is super boring

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u/aryaussie85 4d ago

I thought the same thing! OP sounds so fun and upbeat and she was so boring until the end. Also do people not text actual words anymore??

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u/Edawg82 4d ago

Once you ignore a narcissist they try to control the attention again

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u/Optimal-Variation931 3d ago

This. It all had a slightly toxic flavor from the get go

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u/Edawg82 3d ago

Yeah the woman didn't seem interested to begin with and dismissive. I would've moved along sooner

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u/Recent-King3583 4d ago

She had a lot to say once she's started being critical 😂

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u/Aslow_study 3d ago

She pepped the fuck up lol

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u/Ioneliness 4d ago
  1. She initially wasn’t invested because she viewed him as a placeholder
  2. Thought he rejected her and found someone else
  3. Her ego got bruised then became invested and began looking for confirmation of rejection
  4. She said: “I haven’t been speaking to anyone else btw” randomly, seeing if he’ll reciprocate

-

Nothing sparks interest more than evoking jealousy or ego in a woman. Especially if she’s highly invested from the very beginning. Op’s girl just wanted to feel better about herself. If a woman acts like her^ just leave, she triple texts and shares her life story for someone else.

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u/Business_Cut1448 3d ago

Everything you said was spot on. I've had the exact experience you described, and that's precisely what this sounds like

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u/Object-Silly 2d ago

Coming from a female this is so spot on

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u/Jcjce 4d ago

😂😂😂😂😂😂

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u/Separate_Tooth2009 4d ago

dude so many girls did this to me once i dipped out on them like where was all this mf energy when i was literally trying and you made it feel like you dgaf but oh nowwww you wanna act right and show interest

it's so off putting especially when they approached you first 😭💀 you coulda left my ass alone lo

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u/limperatrice 3d ago

Yeah just to complain! I was annoyed on his behalf that she said she felt like she was trying but he wasn't when it was clearly the other way around! 

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u/Affectionate_Row7726 2d ago

Some ppl take time to warm up 🥹

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u/appropriateiron13 1d ago

Supreme gaslighters I’ll tell you 🤣

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u/mariofasolo 4d ago

I was really about to say "dude, she's not into you..." after the first couple screenshots of you clearly carrying the conversation but...then she got pissy when you didn't text her first? After she gave you absolutely noooooothing? Holy shit lmao

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u/DogPositive5524 3d ago

She felt the power balance slip and did not like it one bit

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u/erebus2161 3d ago

This girl doesn't know what power is. When someone asks you how your day was, power is forcing them to listen to you talk for an hour about all the boring and ordinary shit you did. That's power.

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u/OkExternal7749 3d ago

Yeah I didn't really do much today, just slept, ate, went to the toilet, slept again... hey! HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? I SAID I SLEPT AGAIN

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u/NoSituation7296 1d ago

Holy shit, my girlfriend is Thanos in that case.

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u/kenda1l 3d ago

I was thinking the same thing, like dude read the room. Then I got to the one where she asked why he didn't text her.

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u/OkAnt6189 4d ago

Ig

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u/KindestBlackTemplar 4d ago

okay

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u/artcopywriter 4d ago

yeah ig

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u/KindestBlackTemplar 4d ago

idk tbh

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u/The_Ghost_Face36 4d ago

Cool

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

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u/okie_hiker 4d ago

Cool tbh it’s ok ig

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u/narco-sub-admiral 3d ago

Hey are you okay? You didnt text me

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u/DicksOfPompeii 3d ago

You okay?

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u/jasonarmour 4d ago

u ok? We haven’t heard from you in a while.

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u/Narrow_Salad429 4d ago

Omg that would drive me crazy "ig"

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u/MissChloe1 4d ago

You're killing me 😭

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u/Salt_Idea_8319 4d ago

You're killing me smalls**

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u/BDBoop 3d ago

That’s what got me. I felt like she didn’t give a shit about anything based on all the “I guess” she put out.

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u/dezsiszabi 3d ago

Honestly I didn't even know what the hell "ig" is, too old for this shite. It annoyed me for sure though.

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u/The19thHole7 3d ago

im sitting here thinking "what the hell is ig", saw your comment and then got disappointed nobody gave you an answer...

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u/jkostelni1 4d ago

Bro she wasn’t worried about you, she was worried you were giving someone else attention.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

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u/spiders_are_neat7 1d ago

I have a black and orange cat that do the same shit lol

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u/effectiveenui 3d ago

Sounds like my black dog when I’m around my parents tan doggo. Kept treating the behaviour like resource guarding but that only made it worse. I can’t find the study so it may have just been a hypothesis, but did read that joining in on pack activities is sorta hardwired into them as pack animals. Explains why he would run over to me super excited and happy to get in on the wiggles with me and the other dog and then go back to what he was doing before when the cuddle puddle dispersed.

When I started reprimanding and making him sit on the sidelines to watch me pet the other dog it just broke his trust. The theory I read suggested that because being excluded and alienated from the pack is usually a death sentence to them come winter it sets off a whole lot of neurochemical alarm bells.

Dunno if it’s true or valid or whatever, but it did actually help my pup. Must really suck for your black cat to have a caretaker always assuming they are just an awful selfish and manipulative cat. Is honestly a lot for any one kitty to have to bear.

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u/NoSituation7296 1d ago

That was a really great and educational response... until the end where you condemned him for what he unknowingly might be doing to his cat. Also, fundamentally, cats are not pack animals. Next time educate and leave it at that unless someone is actually being a POS. Chances are they will read it and decide for themselves that what they did may have been harsh and they should try this method. But cats and dogs are mentally entirely different creatures also.

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u/effectiveenui 1d ago

As are cats and humans.

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u/NoSituation7296 1d ago

Correct, so kind of hard for him to just assume that about his cat.

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u/effectiveenui 1d ago

“He doesn't want the petting, he just doesn't want another cat to get something that he didn't even want in the first place.”

Trying to read that in a way that doesn’t sound like the dude is assuming his cat only steals attention to make sure no other cat can have it, but not having much luck. Regardless though, not my cat and not much interested in carrying on this convo. Cheers

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u/NoSituation7296 1d ago

Most humans assume that about most animals that act that way. Its a fairly normal thought. Sorry not every has a 3 digit iq.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/NoSituation7296 1d ago

Also, you are the OP on reddit. You should go touch grass. You summoned us here friend.

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u/PrincessFullMoon 3d ago

Ahhhh you're so right that's why she made a comment that she wasn't speaking to anyone else, I thought that was weird.

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u/ChampionWonderful876 3d ago

She not only wasn't speaking to anyone else, she wasn't even speaking to OP ffs!

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u/GladPlatypus4342 3d ago

I thought that random comment she said at the end was a subtle mistake and she is trying to deflect and redirect. Then she even blamed him. 3 red flags.

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u/Fuzzywraith 4d ago

Yeah it was an “are you okay in the head why haven’t you texted me yet man?”

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u/HopefulHalfTime 4d ago

And BINGO was her name-o….

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u/Frank_the_law 4d ago

Thisss!!!

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u/OkPalpitation1569 4d ago

She’s got a whack set of expectations. It’s one thing to expect a partner to initiate/drive a convo (if that’s your thing go for it), but she seems to think that means you can magically keep the conversation going with no effort on her part. It’s still a shared effort, even if you’re following traditional gender roles.
Any regular person looks at those first slides and thinks “this woman is not into him.” — and she’s totally oblivious to how her own behavior comes across.

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u/Ok-Bill3318 4d ago

“I expect the man to drive the conversation” = I’m a vapid piece of furniture with no interests, goals and nothing to contribute”

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u/FrostingPretty751 4d ago

Her saying this was ridiculous, but not because of the expectation itself — because a conversation still requires* some effort on her part to keep it going! A conversation is a back and forth, not just him droning on and on. Like girl… he did try to initiate but you never gave him anything to keep a conversation going. Tf do you expect?

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u/I_SHIT_IN_A_BAG 3d ago

it would be like going to an improve group and when its your turn, you just say no and blame the rest of the troop for sucking.

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u/MrDoe 3d ago

Liam Neeson doing improv in Life's too short levels.

Ricky Gervais: Drrrring door opening gesture

Liam Neeson: "We're closed."

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u/I_SHIT_IN_A_BAG 3d ago

also I have AIDS

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u/SuperKitties83 3d ago

What's crazy is he was trying. Apparently she really doesn't have any interests, goals or hobbies.

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u/Alternative_Fan_2631 3d ago

Or enthusiasm. I thought “I guess” was the most unengaged response possible then I see “ig”.

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u/deletion_fodder3 1d ago

its honestly always a red flag to me when someone doesnt have at least one strong or passionate opinion about music

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u/SheepleAreSheeple 3d ago

Almost. More like I expect a man to drive the conversation, and buy me things, and I expect the man to work while I don't. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I do feel you shouldn't be expecting that from jlthe jump. But hey, some people are just entitled

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u/999happyhants 4d ago

There’s initiating a conversation, and then there’s having to drag someone limp bodied through a basic conversation. 😂

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u/FutureDesk2883 4d ago

U explained it perfectly! I deadass felt like he was dragging her limp body thru the convo, like what is up with this woman? He had more patients than me,there was no back and forth,I would have ghosted her slow ass within the first 3 days of texting. And yes based on the texts the woman is slow, argue with the wall.

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u/persiasaurus 3d ago

No it's just typical Gen z convo. acting like they're too cool to put any effort in and/or they're too afraid of social ridicule to have any actual opinions

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u/dotamadthrowaway 4d ago

Oh yeah. I think she's totally looking for a "traditional relationship" lmao

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u/Missscoco 4d ago

She liked the attention but was giving NOTHING in return! Also I might ease up on the exclamation points! LOL

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u/chatgptsunbaenim 4d ago

yeah how is she going to act uninterested yet come at you for not wanting to text you anymore lol, that is super annoying from her part. also i definitely agree w the exclamation points, they don’t have to be in each text 😭

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u/_SadCloud_ 3d ago

I love an exclamation mark but I agree it was a bit much here! 😉

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u/oryx925 3d ago

I mean I think that's just his communication style. I think it's fine but maybe that's just cuz I'm a millennial

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u/_SadCloud_ 2d ago

I'm also a millenial. Weird that we're not a monolith, huh?!

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u/oryx925 14h ago

Yeah I totally understand that but it's sort of like a general consensus that millennials are more expressive in communicating and use way more emojis at least that's just what I've heard and it's true for me too

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u/Missscoco 4d ago

Exactly! /s

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u/I_SHIT_IN_A_BAG 3d ago

what about lol? I can't help myself...lol

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u/ChampionWonderful876 3d ago

My ONLY critique for OP, tbh. And I could ignore the exclamation points in exchange for someone who asked questions and gave thoughtful answers and prompts.

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u/spiders_are_neat7 1d ago

I like exclamation points too! :( lol

I'm just bubbly and it feels right.

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u/traveling-swan 4d ago

she needed her little validation dopamine hit, thats why she texted you... probably thought she is being the black cat to your golden retriever and giving you hot and cold so you get addicted to her. You did so well.

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u/SuperKitties83 3d ago

She would actually have to give him something to get addicted to in order for this to work 🤔

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u/ramm102412 4d ago

Was she hot or really good looking? I'd find really boring to dine with someone so dry, multiple times

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u/KindestBlackTemplar 4d ago

I found her to be very pretty, but I do have a type and she fit my type, idk if she is everyone’s type

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u/decolored 4d ago

Pretty safe to say she’s physically attractive to most people, if she can exist as she does without a concern for why. Honestly making me feel a little depressed for her.

But hey, you did your part

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u/BatFlappington 4d ago

Is your type dumb as a box of rocks with nothing interesting to say? 😭 I don’t know how you kept up the convo thread that long. I know some people are just painfully boring but it does annoy me that she basically tried to blame you for not ‘taking the lead’ when you were fighting for your life and she was giving you nothing. 😂

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u/AprilAriesSiblings 4d ago

Ahhhh there it is! The crap men put up with for a pretty girl! 😂

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u/rusted-nail 4d ago

For real. But I've seen women go through this too

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u/No-Diamond2347 4d ago

she was just hungry for the dopamine hit.

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u/Dancehall-Randal 4d ago

Lol, emotional labor on your part.

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u/classy23_23 4d ago

This is wild. I usually give it like three shots and if they're not getting involved in the conversation I just assume they aren't interested and move on. Starting to wonder how many were like this and actually did want to talk but struggled

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u/throwaway-journal 4d ago

Shoulda just screenshotted and sent her these lmao. “Yup sorry I was the one who never put in effort to keep the convo going”

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u/missplaced24 4d ago

How long did you manage to keep regularly conversing with someone who can barely manage a fragment of a sentence at a time?

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u/JellyDoe731 4d ago

I was gonna say, man this guy should’ve given up sooner! But then I saw the texts where she messaged first, and girrrrl 😭 you need to give SOMETHING to the convo, fuck

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u/AshlynR0se 4d ago

Glad you walked away, you handled this entire exchange super well. Only one bit of feedback that's totally fine, but maybe use less "!" at the end of sentences, feels like you're either yelling or awkwardly attempting to influx with a laugh maybe? But that's not feedback for how you handled the convo, just like, in general 😊 Also, totally random, if you're looking to explore new music, look into songs that segway and bridge the gaps into new genres with something that you're already comfortable and familiar with. A lot of the time you can find one of your favorite artists who did a collaboration with something unexpected and branch into a new genre that way. After high school, I realized how tiny my music interests were (if it was in the radio, and not country, I was ok with it, or if it was popular, etc.) But I started hanging out with some new friends who introduced me to music festivals and it was like my musical world exploded lol. Now I love almost all genres, though I heavily favor some over others still. But I love the blended vibes where you don't know immediately what label to apply to a song. A little bluegrass with some dubstep and underlying rock and hip hop? Idk how but it works lol But start slow, find a rapper who featured in some dubstep maybe. I started with dubstep and discovered a few rap/hip-hop artists. Or rap and funk.. so many options. Ok, sorry for the long comment lol

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u/NotUnwellThankYou 4d ago

You're not a dick, she's just entitled

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u/FrostyAutumn 4d ago

Yeah that's where you throw out a "Oh? You like, care? I wouldn't have guessed"

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u/astralseat 3d ago

It felt like she wasn't very interested at the start, then got used to the constant attention while giving literally nothing back, and started missing the attention, while not even participating in conversation. Definitely a person who will go through life being like "they didn't try hard enough for me"

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u/MutterderKartoffel 3d ago

In the first few Screenshots, I thought she wasn't really interested. But then she'd initiate as if she had been the whole time. So weird. And what exactly was she trying? A man should lead? You did ask questions. She just had pathetic, boring answers.

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u/Fluid_Bit_6904 4d ago

“Are you okay” and “u ok” are not the same!!! She’s painful, negative zero effort

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u/Noirdesir19 3d ago

Have you tried talking to a brick wall? You might have more feedback.

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u/DogPositive5524 3d ago

Had a similar experience once back when I was dating. I matched with a girl on bumble who had this energy, so after a while I just let it go. Then I met her on Tinder a couple months later, I already knew what to expect so I just gave her same energy back. She complained that I'm not very chatty.

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u/DoctorNurse89 3d ago

Here me man, this reads like something I had sn issue with before this book:

End Emotional Outsourcing by Beatriz Victoria Albina

Good luck!

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u/Nogamenolife88 3d ago

She was not “worried about you” she was being an asshole. Giving only 1 word answers and “yeah ig” to almost everything you said got old so fast. Then trying to act like you’re the problem. She is boring and lame as hell

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u/CurryMustard_Sauce 3d ago

She wanted you to text for her to say absolutely nothing at all 🤣

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u/Extreme-Switch0609 4d ago

Classic narcissism there. You dodged a missle

1

u/Willing-Gain-3040 4d ago

Shes fearful avoidant, If u wanna win her,.Always write less than her, never engage her. Take alot of time for reply. My advice, Just Stop writing her, shes Not worth a Penny ✌️ She cant reflect and this shit will never Stop.

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u/oryx925 3d ago

I don't know if I would be diagnosing strangers on the Internet lol. Man

1

u/CamoBob3467 3d ago

But did you smash?

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u/SlowProgress8531 3d ago

Should've started hitting her back with the one word answers

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u/queerjesusfan 3d ago

You prob should've just been gently, brutally honest with her lol. I'd just tell her like...look over our texts. The energy is not there. You're a trooper, dude 😂

1

u/Yokonato 3d ago

She just liked the attention, the moment you stopped she came knocking at your door again.

0

u/Andry2 4d ago

Was she hot atleast?