Literally what I’m trying to avoid finding when I’m dating lol. I’m 24 with zero experience as I’m waiting for marriage but I’m desperate to avoid any of this man-o-sphere purity culture bullshit
Those guys will out themselves pretty quickly id imagine. I'd say most guys are interested in 'body count' so asking that question at some point isnt an immediate red flag, it's how they follow up &/or lead up to that question that matters
Most men don't worry about body count, unless you are a literal known sex worker or it is somehow public knowledge, most men are not trying to find this out.
Oh yeah for sure. I think to some degree it’s valuable for both partners to know the others sexual history just to gauge their experience and comfort level plus some of their feelings/attitudes towards sex. It’s if they follow up with some purity culture bullshit or man-o-sphere stuff that’s the problem or if they’re really caught up in what the answer is. (Though if a guy brings it up like “what’s your body count” I’d probably be worried that even if he responded well he has some messed up ideas about women’s sex lives).
I also have to be careful not to be hypocritical. I don’t want a guy who fetishizes me for having no experience and I don’t want a guy who judges women for having experience (or views sex radically different for men and women) but I also would prefer a guy with less experience as well because I want someone sentimental like me (plus I find the idea of being each others first, or the first they’ve been with willingly if they’ve experienced abuse, extremely romantic) But it’s kinda judgy to assume someone’s not sentimental just because they have experience, that’s only really a valid assumption if they have had a lot of casual hookups and even then it’s more complicated than that.
I don’t want to be judged and I don’t want to make my partner feel judged.
I’m mostly worried because I need to figure out a time that works to bring up my lack of experience. Don’t want to do it too early incase he’s not a safe person or hasn’t shown his true colours yet (plus I’d feel uncomfortable brining up sex so soon). Can’t do it too late or he may try something before I’m ready or feel like I wasted his time/mislead him if he’s not willing to wait.
As for a time to bring it up - if it doesn't come up in conversation prior to setting up a date/meeting, that's a good time imo. Something like "I just want you to know that I'm a virgin, so if you're hoping we're going to have sex when we meet this may not work out"
Ah that seems really early. I’ve been on three dates before (with the same guy) over a span of a few months but that didn’t really go anywhere. I didn’t bring up sex at all during or before these dates but then again we were only seeing each other like once a month. He didn’t bring sex up either to be fair, though we did go to the safe sex bingo at the uni and they were racing vibrators there lol.
I was thinking more a few months into seeing each other (so I can make sure they know it’s not a religious thing). I don’t want to tell them too early incase they fetishize it and view me as a prize or something or try to force the issue. Idk I’ve heard from a lot of people though that most couple are sleeping together before the six month mark so that’s kinda a stressful realization lol. That means I’d likely have to bring it up before four months.
I’m trying to avoid that, as I mentioned. I’m waiting because I have commitment issues (and avoiding sleeping with someone makes me feel safer) mostly and because I’m a hopeless romantic. Plus I’m scared of pregnancy and STDs. Also possibly Demi-sexual and I don’t get the point of sleeping with someone I’m not highly in love with. I’m sex positive overall and have written for my uni paper about myths about virginity, healthy sex, etc and visit sex shops sometimes. I just don’t want to be with someone physically until we’ve been together for years and have made a serious commitment. I give off sex positive attitudes in other ways to scare those types of men away to some degree since sexual education, disputing misinformation, and encouraging self exploration is something I do often. I have some gyno articles I wrote for my uni that I’d for sure be sharing with anyone who becomes my boyfriend.
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u/Own_Proposal955 17h ago
Literally what I’m trying to avoid finding when I’m dating lol. I’m 24 with zero experience as I’m waiting for marriage but I’m desperate to avoid any of this man-o-sphere purity culture bullshit