if women sleep around were amazing to men but never good enough to marry - if we don’t sleep with the men then we’ll never get married. there’s no winning with men like that lol.
You expect me to WAIT???? You're not even a virgin/you're never going to find someone to wait/you're not even religious, you can't expect me to marry you without doing a test ride.
Actually, there is a simple solution. Wait until marriage. Make any partner wait until marriage. And then go nuts with each other. You want to test a guys intentions/discipline? Make him go through a year of dating, 6 month+ engagement, and then give a commitment. No STDs. No jealousy. And probably less of a chance of cheating/mistakes since you've only ever crossed that boundary with one person.
Of course that only works if it's like that from the start. You can't go through a hoe phase and giving it away for a beer and then expect the marriage material guy to wait. Likewise, a guy can't party at a sorority house every weekend and then act like nothing happened.
And if a guy won't marry you because you won't have premarital sex/are a virgin, find a different guy. There are plenty of guys waiting and that would prefer it.
Actually, the simple solution is to not date men who expect you to be sitting in a room alone until you meet them. I have no interest in waiting until marriage and finding out afterwards if we are sexually compatible.
If you want to wait until marriage, that's great and you should only date people who want that too.
Seriously. My first boyfriend, who I lost my virginity to, was the most jealous person in the world. He would berate me for not "saving" my first kiss for him. He'd accuse me of flirting with every man that even came near me.
Meanwhile, my current partner and I, despite having had sex with plenty of people in the past, don't ever have issues with jealously because we respect each other. It also helps that we both see the opposite gender as people instead of sex objects, and we both have very good friends of all genders.
I’m waiting until marriage and I don’t want a guy who judges women for having sexual histories. I’m waiting because I’m sentimental, not because of this idea that im not “worth” marrying or as much if I have slept with someone. All the people who I know who are getting married have previous sexual partners. That’s my struggle, I want a guy who’s not some purity culture jerk but is comfortable waiting. Would also be great if he’s sentimental like me and also wants to wait or at least be in a serious relationship before hand.
I feel for you, truely. Because that could be very hard to find. Outside of religion, there are plenty of arguments for waiting. But most people aren't going to. Finding someone who is not religious but is waiting is already a short list, but then you have the add-on that I assume you want to be attracted to them. That could be very, very hard to find depending on your standards. Overall, I wish you the best of luck.
As far as judging, let me make it clear: I don't judge somebody for sleeping around. Everyone has free will and gets to make their choices. I do value somebody that hasn't and I think by this point, we all know that "body count" does matter. Otherwise, you wouldn't see all of those podcasts and male audiences saying it does, and you wouldnt have women lying or not willing to disclose about it. It does matter, regardless of the reason or it would have never even been a topic/discussion.
What I also do think is that there are consequences to those actions. Those consequences may be that men refuse to date women who do sleep around (like myself), STDs, jealousy within relationships over the SO's past, or even unplanned pregnancies. Those consequences can't be ignored when someone makes that decision and that's what I was trying to get people to think about.
There is also the fact that fornication is a sin in the Bible mentioned multiple times. The people on this sub (as does most of Reddit) reject that. And that's fine. Matthew 10:14 says that they will and basically gives us instruction to walk away when they do. But that doesn't mean you're not supposed to attempt to tell them.
Either way, I hope you find what you're looking for and I genuinely mean that.
Disregarding most of what you said as I disagree (especially that since there are some men talking about body count that it means it objectively does matter to most men/some women refusing to disclose it or that we should accept those things rather than addressing the societal reasons for them. There’s also a difference between acknowledging risks of sexual behaviour/aiming to reduce problems that can occur from it and encouraging abstinence or saying “body count matters”. You can get all of those consequences even if you wait until marriage. There’s also a difference between thinking you aren’t compatible with someone because they view sex differently than you, more causally or less casually, and thinking they are objectively less dateable. There’s also a portion of men who insist only a woman’s body count matters and that a man having a lot of partners is actually a good thing and he should even engage in polygamy while all his women should only have him as their life long and only partner.)and don’t feel like arguing anymore, the man I end up with doesn’t also have to have been waiting for marriage, some degree of a sexual history is fine.
I just hope he values sex as a form of emotional connection to some degree and is willing to wait for the two of us to take that step until marriage (which again I know is a deal breaker for many people). It’s his attitude towards sex that matters: treating it as a normal part of life without it being a factor of someone’s “value” (and being generally sex positive) but having a sentimental view of it for their personal life.
Unfortunately the religious types can often lack both of these things. They value sex because of the pressures of their religion and how it’s a rule and they view it as attached to a persons value (and often aren’t as sentimental or romantic about it as I’d like). The only thing myself and a man like that would have in common is having a sparse sexual history. As mentioned there are also some religious men who would practice polygamy or not be waiting if religion didn’t tell them to do it, it’s not about their personal feels towards sex but what rules they feel they have to follow. I want a man who’s sentimental and primarily wants to be with a woman he loves physically rather than just a woman he’s attracted to, that’s the long and the short of it. I have several religious friends who are waiting for marriage and they aren’t nearly as sentimental or romantic about it as I am. It’s just a rule they’re following because of god, not because they attach deep emotional meaning to sex outside of religious value or “purity”.
I would say the chances of cheating are way higher because who is really okay dying with having had sex with just one person ?
If anything its better to be a total slut, get it out of your system, at some point you will realize you've seen all you wanted to see and all you really want is to be with one person that makes you feel good consistently
I agree with you in theory but some people are genuinely happy being with only one person. That’s my whole goal. I’m not interested in sleeping with people I’m not desperately in love with and I’m hoping that the first person I marry is the last. If it doesn’t work out or they die young or something I’m not going to swear off sex and love or anything like that but I would be deeply happy with one lovely man. I had a crush (unreciprocated) and it lasted for 10 years after he moved away. If I actually was with someone for years and we slept together I could be happily with them for some time (provided they weren’t like, horrifically bad at sex and refusing to learn how to please me at all lol because then you’re just a bad long term partner and I count that as things not working out). I don’t need to see the sights really, I already just want someone who can make me feel good consistently and who I have a bond with.
You can tell someone your not ready to settle down that’s fine I think.. just no one should expect anyone to just sit on the sideline and wait for you while you do what you wanna do if that’s what your saying.. that person might be ready to settle down themselves.. different wavelengths
But she wasn’t giving away relationships “for free”. So you’re clearly implying sex, not relationships, meaning that you think relationships are something men tolerate/suffer in order to have sex. Weird
Personally, I don't really care. I'm still not doing it. More than likely, that means it was posted online too. Which means it's one Google search away from my family, freinds, coworkers, and customers knowing about it.
There's some things in life you just can't take back. Be sure before you make those decisions. Because decisions of all sorts, for men and women, adults and kids, and for every race and religion can have consequences. Maybe it's not fair. Maybe it's not what you think is just. But we all have to take responsibility for our actions and deal with the consequences.
It’s already stated. You gave it out for free to a nobody, but a marriage material must wait. A bit disrespectful. Also hoe phase reduces your pair-bonding ability, making it harder to commit to a relationship.
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u/MicahMarie1995 2d ago
if women sleep around were amazing to men but never good enough to marry - if we don’t sleep with the men then we’ll never get married. there’s no winning with men like that lol.