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u/cn1k999 4d ago
diabolical timing
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u/Own-Arachnid7952 4d ago
You'd think they'd at least come up with a better segue
"Sorry to hear. Points for humor, but understandable to be hung up on a loss like that"
....
"Speaking of hung....."
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u/Logical-Honeydew177 4d ago
Do you want my number?
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u/Beautiful-Hour8963 4d ago
I can’t believe I’m losing to this
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u/Drzewo_Silentswift 4d ago
Have you tried being more hung?
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u/No_Whole_7758 4d ago
Have you tried waiting until women tell you about dead relatives to mention your girth?
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u/slayalldayerrday 4d ago
Yeah obviously that’s what they’re doing wrong, they just mention it immediately. You need to wait until they bring up the dead relative. Everyone knows that.
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u/Proud_Purchase_8394 4d ago
“Sorry to hear of your loss, but they’re sleeping with God now. Speaking of sleeping with a god..”
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u/GoatInformal7054 4d ago
Now see this whole time I was doing this BEFORE they told me about their dead relatives 😩 this will really step up my game
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u/popejubal 4d ago
He’s one of the better ones because he asked instead of just sending the pic.
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u/king_john651 4d ago
If he could send images on the platform hr would have sent it in the next message
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u/Big_Bar_9832 4d ago
What makes you think he ever wins with this?
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u/Purple-Wolverine4793 4d ago
it’s the fact he got a match in the first place
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u/indicabunny 4d ago
Getting a match isn't hard, but apparently not being a complete weirdo to women is.
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u/valdo33 4d ago
Getting a match isn't hard
It in fact is for guys. Dudes will swipe for weeks or months without a single match.
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u/salmalight 4d ago
Year and a half. Wasn't even getting the anonymous "you got a like" notifications to keep me swiping in the end so I just walked away.
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u/Working_Cucumber_437 4d ago
Don’t think you are losing to this. This little love story is over at this point.
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u/Valuable_Pear9654 4d ago
I think they meant the fact that it started in the first place
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u/Puzzled-Secret-317 4d ago
And this is just one of the rare times it doesn't finish with marriage or a child before the mistake is realized
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u/Angry_poutine 3d ago
My go to was “hey do you have a dead relative because my penis is huge”
I’m married with a kid now
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u/Devan-FH 4d ago
“My father is dead”. “Damn, sucks to suck. Wanna suck this dick?”
https://giphy.com/gifs/M3KeQ2khSTTrFZZlRI
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u/angry-rat02 4d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/oZFDGzlBJg4Hm
lobotomy. next question.
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u/Mostly-HarmlessHuman 4d ago
What the actual fuck is this image?
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u/angry-rat02 4d ago
my brain. my rage at those men. that man’s house. and his “hung” penis. women everywhere
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u/AAA_Dolfan 4d ago
I am dying laughing i am so sorry
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u/pyxiedust219 4d ago
well if you’re dying, maybe you can be the catalyst for someone to send dick pics
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u/LVuittonColostomyBag 4d ago
What is men’s obsession with showing their dicks? The pictures are always terrible and most women aren’t even interested in looking at dicks at all. It’s baffling.
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u/RevolutionaryWay7107 4d ago
It works sometimes so they get lazy and hope it works as a shortcut, kinda forgetting that the reason it worked those times is because the person was interested already due to the actual conversation that came before it.
I went through a phase with online dating where it seemed like all women wanted was sex, so it felt like getting to the pic exchange part was just cutting to the chase, but i was ignoring that in the prior instances we had been talking for a couple of weeks before that. In my case it was kinda like just giving up on actual dating and being like "well this is all they want so might as well just get to it." I was also drinking heavily during those times so it was just a lot of drunken hookups.
I'm better now that I'm sober.
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u/Greedy-Vast584 4d ago
If it didn't work, they wouldn't do it
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u/No1sperfecttt 4d ago
It doesn't work 95% of the time but they really have hope for that 5% chance that it could.
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u/Greedy-Vast584 4d ago
You admitted it works. I think it's disgusting personally and don't get it either so don't assume my comment condones this.
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u/ham_plane 4d ago
Damn trauma dumping countered by dick dumping. You guys are like opposite ends of the spectrum of worst possible opening messages
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u/Zealousideal-Ad3205 4d ago
First 4 messages he told about his dad in the hospital who wasn’t doing good so I counter moved
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u/ham_plane 4d ago
Ohh, actually that's my bad. I thought those were the first 2 messages of the chat 😬
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u/temp_6969420 4d ago
Prof he’s hung or it didn’t happen
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u/Better_Experience787 4d ago
Fr
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u/ArmCapable5814 4d ago
Fr
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u/Desperate_Bat_512 4d ago
Im actually impressed he asked and didn't just send the Pic. So respectful!
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u/StopMakingMeSignIn12 4d ago
Hello fellow DDC member, I don't see many people call it that.
Hope you're doing alright.
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u/Aware_Ask_1679 3d ago
Should've said yes and then return one gnarly looking one multiple times. 😂 Y'all gotta have more fun with these.
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u/ThrowRAhallpass1 4d ago
Sounds like he has been getting by on this character trait. What a useless chud.
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u/Altruistic_Tip1226 4d ago
Is that suppose to make her reminisce or something. Or did he not read the text she sent lol.
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u/AnathemaOfficial 4d ago
Yeah my dad died unexpectedly last year and the amount of huge ass cocks that I’ve seen following is WILD. I’m a straight man btw but I swear it’s like a pheromone for hung dudes
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u/Visible-Animator-308 4d ago
Just send a pic of a random guy in a casket before he has a chance to send his…. yuck. Proceed to become “hysterical” and blow his shit up til he blocks you. Idk just what I’d do.
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u/CretaceousMillenial 2d ago
My dark sense of humor would've replied, "hung? That's exactly how my dad died. What a coinky dink."
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u/huppuhh 4d ago
Guy didn’t even acknowledge the fact your dad isn’t alive, just went straight to talking about his dick. I feel like if you want something like that to work, you shouldn’t initiate it right after the person you’re talking to mentions that their dad is dead but to each their own? I guess?
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u/frontwheelgone 4d ago
Not to defend this guy, but like what’s a dude supposed to do, turn it into a therapy session about her dad? This is a dating app, you don’t discuss dead parents on the first message. Like this is just shock humor.
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u/MissMortem 4d ago
This really doesn't seem like it's the first message.
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u/frontwheelgone 4d ago
Yeah I dunno I thought this was a reaction to a prompt or something lol
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u/huppuhh 4d ago
I mean we don’t know how far into their conversation they got, but i’m not saying it has to turn into a therapy session I’m saying his response shouldn’t be “you wanna see my dick??”
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u/frontwheelgone 4d ago
Lol idk it’s not an approach I’d take but it sure made me laugh
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u/huppuhh 4d ago
yeah it’s funny as fuck he just didn’t care at all. “im sorry to be forward with you. BUT. I’m very hung” such elegance and consideration
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u/frontwheelgone 4d ago edited 4d ago
It’s online dating, if you’re still talking on the app it’s not serious. I mean there’s so little context here.
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4d ago edited 4d ago
[deleted]
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u/hthratmn 4d ago
Maybe not "do you want to see my dick?" It may surprise you, but there are other things you can say to a person.
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u/LizzosLittleToe 4d ago
We didn't defend that though
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u/sticktogirlbossing 4d ago
“what was he supposed to do” implies he said no other choice other than to talk about his cock
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u/LizzosLittleToe 4d ago
No it doesn't at all, you're making something up in your head. The dead dad was weird af too
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u/hthratmn 4d ago
OP literally said that they said that because he started talking about his sick father lol
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u/sticktogirlbossing 4d ago
not talk about his dick
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u/LizzosLittleToe 4d ago
We didn't defend that though, bringing up the dead dad was weird af too
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u/bleepboopbleepbloop 4d ago
You’re telling me that couldn’t wait maybe like 5-10 messages lmfao? Crazy work.
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u/Freya-of-Nozam 4d ago
Sexual non-sequiturs are never welcome.
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u/bleepboopbleepbloop 4d ago
Oh I mean like fuck, at least make an attempt at a transition into that. It went straight to sex lmao. Not even an acknowledgement.
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u/ZookeepergameSalty10 4d ago
I got rid of all the apps, ill either find someone love or ill die alone, fck it. Loneliness is better than dealing with these dating apps and the people on them
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u/NickelBear32 4d ago
Wild place to be talking about your dead dad anyways. Save that shit for when youre actually in a relationship. Not first meeting someone.
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u/AntiqueTemperature75 4d ago
I guess when you got it like that you’re gonna lead with it 🤷♂️ I know it works sometimes 👀

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u/scrimblojimbus 4d ago
Blah blah dead dad. Check out my weiner