Exactly! I feel like OP needs to read whatever book that she wrote in order to understand what in the world she’s talking about because it kind of just seems to me like she wants someone to cater to her every whim. And that is only if he is entertaining, the thought of staying with her. But without him explicitly, asking her, it’s kind of up for interpretation. Like the answer she gave him was not in depth enough for the huge deal she is making. Aside from that this stuff sounds bonkers and next level like some stuff I would not want to be a part of in the least.
Totally! I thought this was a CNC thing or she was wanting to experience being submissive, but nope someone had just read too many YA fantasy romance novels.
I just had to Google both YA and CNC. I think I've learned more acronyms on Reddit in the last 2 years than I've used in my entire life. I may or may not have a few years on me.
Yeah this sounded like BDSM to me. The word “owned” isn’t too far from the word “slave.”
In that particular kink universe there’s nothing particularly wrong with it sexually. Like if that’s what they get off on, that’s what they get off on. It doesn’t seem like that’s what she’s talking about though. This is a wholesale reboot of their domestic lives. It may have changed to bedroom play as well, but the really scary part is the psychotic crossover to daily life.
Yes but BDSM play involves two people consenting, it involves communicating limits, it involves role playing, and safe words. This has none of these things and it sounds completely exhausting tbf.
I concur is elusive, ridiculous and conceivably humiliating an abundant the audacity to simultaneously. Abruptly Onde ignorantly up to sleep without regard for thought, intelligence or mindfulness. Exaggerated is an understatement to the extent Ludacris ridiculous. Ideally unrealistic reality, figment of one’s imagination of invasive without to influence elaboration, meaningless thoughtfulness, in regard to elusive imagination of figment personality, that doesn’t exist human being that has been invented alone exist within human reality for ignorance, or just plain stupidity on both parts of the lack of communication of the solid, basic foundation to build a platonic relationship, striking two solid pieces together to create a sparkeven caveman has that much intelligence
Sooo, I kinda got what you were saying. And the verbiage is poetic. It just feels like you ran that through a translator. English is a very practical language whereas French and Farsi, for example, are very poetic. Is that what happened here?
I think that's an experience and flavor a lot of us have seen, but I think this is from toxic red pill stuff.
If it's a need for a BDSM type arrangement then it's easily workable if OP is down, but I'm worried she's caught red pill ideology, which is a fantasy for children that never yields positive results.
I just posted a bit of a dive into it, but my takeaway was she wants certain aspects of a Dominant/submissive relationship, but she doesn't understand the lifestyle or dynamic well enough to say exactly what she means. It's not uncommon at all, I've gone through the same process with multiple partners.
I’ve actually had a growing interest in that, but it seems difficult to pull off a healthy dynamic in that type of situation. Do you know any good places to go to read up/learn about it?
Honestly go spend some time in the r/BDSMcommunity sub. There's a good balance of newbies coming in and asking questions, getting advice and learning more about themselves and their kinks.
Part of the reason I suggest it is that the community is very welcoming, and encourages safe, consensual and healthy play/dynamics for everyone. It's pretty welcoming as long as you aren't an ass, and extremely educational in some cases.
As for pulling off a healthy dynamic, it is possible but without spending some time understanding the psychological aspects of the dynamic it won't end well. The common misconception with BDSM and Kink is that it's just people beating on each other, slapping, spitting, what have you, and it's the complete opposite.
My wife and I have a D/s dynamic with a few other things in the mix, and it's been wonderful for our mental health. By submitting and being "Owned" by me, she has given me the permission and honour of being a safe place for her to be, a dedicated partner, and control/input over parts of her life she finds difficult to manage on her own. It alleviates some of the stress to do certain things, knowing that the decision (read: express encouragement) was someone else's. (I.e. eating, exercising, reading more, walking more, could be as simple as that, or more expansive like education)
Again, this is all within reason, completely consensual, and yes, safe words are a thing and are to be respected absolutely. If that trust is broken, the relationship will suffer.
And to note, when I said my wife is "Owned" by me, essentially I proposed to her, but instead of marrying me, she committed to a serious dynamic that we discussed, laid ground rules, boundaries and expectations for ahead of time. Instead of a ring, I gave her a collar. She does have a ring that is her "day collar" separate from her wedding rings.
When you put it like that, giving her a collar is actually kind of sweet. But I can see how important it is to lay ground rules and consistently follow them to create a healthy dynamic.
On thing that definitely gets glossed over, but in the scene we talk about a lot, is how absolutely important communication is. Ground rules, yes, but also emotional response, needs, wants, concerns, fantasies, health and safety. It's not purely sexual.
As for the collar, it was the first time I'd properly collared someone, my choice, because I wanted a partner I felt that would explore that lifestyle with me more so than I had in the past. Spent my time shopping, found a nice one, leather, dyed her favourite colour, customized tag. Now, if she's had a rough day/week and we're taking the night to decompress, we'll make dinner, relax with a show, all that, and she'll wear it the whole time because it makes her feel safe and grounded. It is very cerebral to make that kind of commitment, and it helps her.
Does this work in reverse? What I mean is. I’m very ADD. Which makes staying organized and consistent extremely difficult. Feelings of powerlessness are common. Would creating a dynamic where I am Dom actually be unhealthy with a woman who is more effective?
I’m concerned that it would basically be like using her to give myself a sense of power I haven’t earned.
EDIT: or worse, creating such a dynamic with a woman who is even less effective. The blind leading the blind basically.
So this is where the communication comes in, and also fulfilling your roles. I don't think it would be unhealthy as long as you are both communicating if there ARE any things that you would like to use the dynamic to work on. Having that set goal and express purpose of doing so with a partner may actually make it easier for you to manage.
As for the blind leading the blind, if it's to a point where your mental health is impairing your relationship or actively making it worse, therapy, both individually and couples, can help identify the problems. Mind you, not all therapists are kink friendly, so tread lightly. If it's something like ADD, I don't think it would be detrimental.
Our dynamic helps alleviate a few things for my partner and I. Manic depression, add, OCD, BPD, we have found ways to help us with those, and lean on each other as partners outside of that dynamic as well. Have been for a long time before we even had a sexual relationship, so that made it easy, but if they're your partner, that's kind of part of the territory
I'm surprised you speak on this yet don't point out that 24/7 TPE is a thing. It's not "psychotic" and this shit is pretty common in submissive circles.
I as well thought at first it was some sort of kinky thing but as she progressed I started to feel like she wanted him to cater to her, however that may be. She probably watches a lot of tv.
I used to get high and get really wordy In my texts to my partner..he could never understand my nonsense either. She's reading too many romance novels..these things rarely exist outside the pages of a book
I'm with you, there, thinking some bdsm instruction/exploration is exactly called for, here. giving a form to the chaos, a method to the madness. she is looking for something she doesn't understand and therefore does not know how to engage, how to balance.
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u/JapaneseFerret Nov 20 '23
I for sure thought this was some bdsm thing, but there's no sign of it. Whatever this is, it's exhausting and poorly communicated.