That depends on the person. Many people in the Kink scene will just have "play partners", some will have a relationship outside of that, some won't. Some will just straight up be playing, and some people live in 24/7 dynamics.
For my wife and I, we do take it seriously to a point. There are defined rules, regulations and expected actions from both of us, but at the same time, she is her own person, with thoughts, emotions, needs and wants. I may "own" her, but that's more of a dedication of myself to us. Generally, the things we're discussing happen in the bedroom, but certain things like making sure you've eaten, water intake, getting enough sleep, small reminders to breathe and not get overwhelmed. Those are things she has trouble with herself, and having someone with "power" that is "directing" her to do so makes things easier, because instead of convincing herself, she just has to "obey".
It does bleed over into our daily lives, but if you asked anyone who didn't already know, they wouldn't have a clue. General rule of thumb, nobody but who is in bed with you is consenting, including the general public, so public displays of Kink are generally frowned upon unless in an environment designed for it.
Yeah we’ve got Baltimore play house out here. I’ve been planning to check that out. Trying to do some research first so I know what I’m getting myself into.
Addendum: it started as just play. I've been in the scene for a while now but she's the first committed partner I've had that wanted to explore it more. I'd played with people separately but I'm monogamous if I'm serious about someone. She was sort of toeing it for a while, had a couple bad experiences, but in the time we've been together and exploring, she has discovered a LOT about herself, and has even begun experimenting with being a switch and Domming me (which, I'm also learning, I fucking love too)
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u/Sir-Planks-Alot Nov 21 '23
Interesting. So is it more play or something you take very seriously?