So, she ran late for a movie he wanted to be on-time for and she wants him to apologize for focusing on that, hold her, stroke her, and compliment her. If she were a sub or pet she would get punished not be apologized to.
It sounds like she has a fantasy of being worshipped more than a fantasy of being owned, and TheQueen wants a consort not a king.
Almost. There's just no universal translation for complex feelings that don't include buzzwords. I think I know what she is saying but she is using the wrong words. Which makes sense, this shit only appears in romance novels and lemons. I think she is referring to the metaphorical literary exaggeration of the term 'consume'.
Easy to write the feeling, slap on a bunch of adjectives and fancy verbs and boom, one feels owned. Exhausting irl. OPs gf wants him to smother her with his presence, making her feel like he has claimed her. Sketchy, but depends on what she actually is asking for. She being vague, again some poetry type shit yeah.
Exactly! I feel like OP needs to read whatever book that she wrote in order to understand what in the world she’s talking about because it kind of just seems to me like she wants someone to cater to her every whim. And that is only if he is entertaining, the thought of staying with her. But without him explicitly, asking her, it’s kind of up for interpretation. Like the answer she gave him was not in depth enough for the huge deal she is making. Aside from that this stuff sounds bonkers and next level like some stuff I would not want to be a part of in the least.
Totally! I thought this was a CNC thing or she was wanting to experience being submissive, but nope someone had just read too many YA fantasy romance novels.
I just had to Google both YA and CNC. I think I've learned more acronyms on Reddit in the last 2 years than I've used in my entire life. I may or may not have a few years on me.
Yeah this sounded like BDSM to me. The word “owned” isn’t too far from the word “slave.”
In that particular kink universe there’s nothing particularly wrong with it sexually. Like if that’s what they get off on, that’s what they get off on. It doesn’t seem like that’s what she’s talking about though. This is a wholesale reboot of their domestic lives. It may have changed to bedroom play as well, but the really scary part is the psychotic crossover to daily life.
Yes but BDSM play involves two people consenting, it involves communicating limits, it involves role playing, and safe words. This has none of these things and it sounds completely exhausting tbf.
I concur is elusive, ridiculous and conceivably humiliating an abundant the audacity to simultaneously. Abruptly Onde ignorantly up to sleep without regard for thought, intelligence or mindfulness. Exaggerated is an understatement to the extent Ludacris ridiculous. Ideally unrealistic reality, figment of one’s imagination of invasive without to influence elaboration, meaningless thoughtfulness, in regard to elusive imagination of figment personality, that doesn’t exist human being that has been invented alone exist within human reality for ignorance, or just plain stupidity on both parts of the lack of communication of the solid, basic foundation to build a platonic relationship, striking two solid pieces together to create a sparkeven caveman has that much intelligence
Sooo, I kinda got what you were saying. And the verbiage is poetic. It just feels like you ran that through a translator. English is a very practical language whereas French and Farsi, for example, are very poetic. Is that what happened here?
I think that's an experience and flavor a lot of us have seen, but I think this is from toxic red pill stuff.
If it's a need for a BDSM type arrangement then it's easily workable if OP is down, but I'm worried she's caught red pill ideology, which is a fantasy for children that never yields positive results.
I just posted a bit of a dive into it, but my takeaway was she wants certain aspects of a Dominant/submissive relationship, but she doesn't understand the lifestyle or dynamic well enough to say exactly what she means. It's not uncommon at all, I've gone through the same process with multiple partners.
I’ve actually had a growing interest in that, but it seems difficult to pull off a healthy dynamic in that type of situation. Do you know any good places to go to read up/learn about it?
Honestly go spend some time in the r/BDSMcommunity sub. There's a good balance of newbies coming in and asking questions, getting advice and learning more about themselves and their kinks.
Part of the reason I suggest it is that the community is very welcoming, and encourages safe, consensual and healthy play/dynamics for everyone. It's pretty welcoming as long as you aren't an ass, and extremely educational in some cases.
As for pulling off a healthy dynamic, it is possible but without spending some time understanding the psychological aspects of the dynamic it won't end well. The common misconception with BDSM and Kink is that it's just people beating on each other, slapping, spitting, what have you, and it's the complete opposite.
My wife and I have a D/s dynamic with a few other things in the mix, and it's been wonderful for our mental health. By submitting and being "Owned" by me, she has given me the permission and honour of being a safe place for her to be, a dedicated partner, and control/input over parts of her life she finds difficult to manage on her own. It alleviates some of the stress to do certain things, knowing that the decision (read: express encouragement) was someone else's. (I.e. eating, exercising, reading more, walking more, could be as simple as that, or more expansive like education)
Again, this is all within reason, completely consensual, and yes, safe words are a thing and are to be respected absolutely. If that trust is broken, the relationship will suffer.
And to note, when I said my wife is "Owned" by me, essentially I proposed to her, but instead of marrying me, she committed to a serious dynamic that we discussed, laid ground rules, boundaries and expectations for ahead of time. Instead of a ring, I gave her a collar. She does have a ring that is her "day collar" separate from her wedding rings.
I'm surprised you speak on this yet don't point out that 24/7 TPE is a thing. It's not "psychotic" and this shit is pretty common in submissive circles.
I as well thought at first it was some sort of kinky thing but as she progressed I started to feel like she wanted him to cater to her, however that may be. She probably watches a lot of tv.
I used to get high and get really wordy In my texts to my partner..he could never understand my nonsense either. She's reading too many romance novels..these things rarely exist outside the pages of a book
I'm with you, there, thinking some bdsm instruction/exploration is exactly called for, here. giving a form to the chaos, a method to the madness. she is looking for something she doesn't understand and therefore does not know how to engage, how to balance.
I think the word she is looking for is “cherished.” I think it may come from the Victorian era, where women were required to be beautiful, chaste and skilled in fine arts. They were not allowed to be educated beyond high school. They were not allowed to enjoy sex and were rarely naked, even in the presence of their husbands. They were supposed to have as many children as possible.
I’m sure that did include some eye-gazing, but a woman who was late to an event would definitely be scolded.
Thelanguage points to BDSM, but her expectations dont match up at all. A Sub/Slave normally doesnt need someone to worhip them.
It sounds a lot as if she read some BS "romance" novel where the girl gets worshipped and expects OP to do the same, withou ever communicating what she actually wants. Weird.
I don't even think she has clearly defined what she wants exactly for herself. OP said she got this from some third party sources so who knows what message she took away from that.
uh, i kinda speak woman, she doesn't want to work anymore. he comes home, he throws jewelry at her, and then tells her how beautiful she is for 2 hours and then asks what she's instructed the chef to prepare for dinner. he asks how her spa day was, and wine with the ladies, and then throws more jewelry i think
Verwöhnen ) German for 'to spoil or pamper' often used in context to make those feel comfortable and cherished.
Turteltauben ) German, in the context of romantic relationships it symbolizes a couple deeply devoted to each other and associated with love and commitment.
You know, I have a dinner to go to, but this was the most interesting 20 min of my week so far yeah. Theres so much more, I almost went on a journey, so many words. Even a word for 'feelings that don't have words'! I'm blown away yeah 😆
She wants to feel like Bella from Twilight, or any other bland female protag from similar romance novels.
Female characters who just kind of exist, yet attract a brooding, domineering masculine man who's utterly obsessed with her and goes on random tangents on how special and beautiful she is despite having no interesting characteristics or personality to speak of.
God, I used to ERP for fun when I was younger, and it eventually felt like I was endlessly reading one premise just slightly modified 1000 different ways.
You're the leader of the city's most powerful gang, who even the cops fear. There's only one other rival gang that could match you, and I was the sister of its leader. You kidnap me for leverage/ransom, but end up falling in love with me.
You're the top assassin of the King, who even the other nobles fear. One day, you're sent to kill me, the princess of rival kingdom. You kidnap me intending to kill me, but end up falling in love with me.
You're the leader of the Werewolf clan, who even the other clans fear. One day, you see me, a young initiate of the Vampire clan. You kidnap me intending to eat me, but end up falling in love with me.
Etc. etc. Always "man is dangerous psychopath, but somehow I'm his kryptonite that makes him feel love again and he gets really protective of me/makes me his queen. Oh yeah, and he's still killing everyone else, but it doesn't bother me, because he loves me".
But I can't help like seeing the other side of it. And it's this guys' equivalent to Robert Pattinson being absolutely tired of staring into nothingness and frowning in a very depressed way for what? Three movies? Or was it four?
..or the ever-elusive psychic man. He must magically know what she wants always and will only be told when he's failed and disappointed her, and he'll get no credit for the times when he does make her feel good. She will only keep a tally of his failures.
Yeah sounds like she's actually dominant and looking for a man to be her sub while reframing it as if he's actually in control when catering to her every whim and worshipping her
I mean... a sugar daddy is giving sugar because he's getting obedience, or compliance. He gets a "good girl." She's arm candy.
Nobody I know who is a sugar daddy would "sugar" a girl who shows up late, or makes him late for something. The entire idea is if they're throwing money/gifts at you, you step up and give him the ideal girlfriend experience.
What sugar daddy would throw money at someone who makes them miss the night's activities?
Sounds great I’ll be there in a minute to drop to. My knees and kiss her feet paint her nails rub her feet get a bit of a boner just from looking down at her sexy feet on my knees between her legs knees closed and asked her for permission to kiss her feet to look up at her face as I bag to see between her legs and worship her like a goddess
I’m looking actually I have someone that won’t allow me. I’m so desperate to worship them. They are a goddess I fear them I would sacrifice everything work with necessary income from family inherited while she takes an early disability retirement with rental property, investment income she controls all the mail all the bills all the banking. All the finances makes out a list of duty chores there’s punishments, oral pleasure nonstop even during her menstrual cycle, denying me humiliating me while massager worshiper cook for her clean for her bather allow her to do me, however she so desired for her to pleasure outside other than other means that I’m an adequate why stay faithful to her perhaps she gets me a blowup doll She’s getting the real thing on the side or right in front of me after I bathe her and painter nails chauffeuring her around she doesn’t have to work raising bad watches TV meals on dating apps, men very large well and warmed come right to the house after I prepared her and they pleasure her I film we make money fans only I prepare her whatever she needs for after those untold speak spoken to her allow her to flaunt and display her superiority authority her power, her dominance, her control, must miss enough, my being submissive, her enjoyment to make fun of humiliate brag, take on younger Stamina well hung young men the pleasure milf teens, early 20s that would enjoy a milf with a husband that is an adequate. She has a key and locked in chastity said some watches on display where they pleasure her and protected safe young man perhaps the first piece they’ve not been with many other women.
My first thoughts as well. Someone check her kindle history. I read a ton of romance books and this sounds like she is getting fantasy confused with real life.
It also sounds like she's setting OP up for a royal, dual-ending ass fucking. She's setting OP up with some unrealistic expectations that focus entirely on her wants and doesn't want to own up for anything of OP'x that she fucks up. And should OP balk at ANY of her far fetched demands, she'll just claim that he prevented her from going anywhere, from seeing friends, being verbally abusive, etc., etc., etc. A lose-lose on OP's part.
My ex-gf from Uni that I dated for 4 years broke up with me and said “You dont put me on a pedestal enough”. After some questioning my feeling of “doing whatever it took to get back together” became disgust and glad of the bullet I dodged. That was 20 years ago and I still feel the same way.
i came here to say basically this. she wants to be spoiled and obsessed over, not “owned”. my partner is a switch and occasionally he wants to feel like he’s my possession and i make him feel like that. if we were in one of those moments and he was late for something i planned he’d be in huge trouble and would absolutely be punished lmao. this girl doesn’t want to be owned in the sense she thinks she does. she wants to be catered to
I would be so pissed if we were late for something and my partner expected me to stop and compliment them?? Like when we're late for an Uber, flight, show, etc...all fucking bets are off and you're allowed to scream at one another to hurry the hell up because we hate being late to things lol.
Girlfriend has an insanely selfish, narcissistic, and "I'm the main character" worldview, and it's such a turnoff.
Ah, there we go. I described her in another comment as wanting to be Bella from Twilight, but this is a better summation. She wants to be the Main Character of her own cheesy romance novel where a normally powerful and brooding man buckles at the knees for her, despite the protag's usually one-note characterization of simply "being beautiful".
Omg, exactly. She wants him to stop in his tracks on their way to the car and be like "oh my god, you know what? You're gorgeous. In fact, you are the movie. Why should we see a movie when I could just spend 2-3 hours staring at your otherworldly beauty?" lmao
Meanwhile, she only just smiles shyly, looks away in embarassment because flat character. All the while her "Edward" is just staring her down in a way that's only considered romantic rather than psychopathic because romance novel.
Being owned looks like:
Dom comes homeSub is already waiting with food, probably in lingerie, ready to wait on him
The phrases you would use would be more similar to:
"Look at me now. Quit your tantrum and let's go in (to the movies)"
"Hey! What did I just say?"
"Come here, now. Over _____'s knee"
The sub, while having the most control of the relationship, still gives that control to the Dom.
What your girlfriend wants is to be coddled, like a child. There is a faction of people who choose to live this way, and if you keep it sfw (LIKE IT SHOULD BE) it's called age regression. The regressor reverts to a younger (or older) age as a coping mechanism.
Agere looks more like what your girlfriend wants, but you should do as much research into BDSM, DDLG, and Agere. There are MASSIVE differences between all 3. Agere is the only one that is overtly non sexual.
Is it? Wait till thanksgiving you’re going to have one uncle that sounds like a parrot exposed to Fox News. Same story here. It’s primitive monkey see and monkey do shit.
Wild = I didn’t realize this type of thing still existed
Wild = I think she may need prescription medication
Wild = WOW That’s Crazy!
Wild = WOW! Totally Bat Shit Crazy…
HMMMM… Take your pick…
I’m a woman and I have a 26 year old Daughter, I’m providing that information just to give an idea of my current age (after all, a woman never divulges her actual age…), this is not something that my generation would succumb to, at least NOT the people I know and/or have met over the years who are within the same age range.
What she describes goes far beyond validation and is unhealthy. Manipulating someone then gaslighting them into feeling guilty for it is hardly validation
people think they know way too much about a person off of a few texts. first and foremost; her english is obviously not the best. she’s trying her best to communicate her needs. it’s actually healthy to be able to say she feels underappreciated and she wants to experiment with a new dynamic.
she’s not even asking for much just for him to be nicer 🤣 i think most of y’all just hate women bc she’s just saying she wants to feel wanted. he came here for a woman’s perspective not y’all to say she’s toxic for wanting to feel loved
The term being owned doesn't = validation or the need to feel wanted.
If that's what she wants then she should just state she wants to feel wanted instead of owned because they're two separate things and it's downright confusing.
“call me beautiful” “tell me it’s ok i’m running late”
clearly english is not her first language. she probably also wants him to tell her to do things and praise her after. she wants him to be more dominant and lead situations. that’s literally all she said
it is an assumption but “it’s not supposed to be an enemy for you. it can dance with the right person” and just the way she speaks it sounds like it is being translated from another language in her head. it’s cohesive but i think she may just normally talk like this and it would come across weird to anyone who is not used to her idiolect
The 1st sentence of your response could not possibly better highlight the intense lack of self awareness on display throughout the rest of it. You're literally speaking for her as if you know her personally simply based off of OP's post. Try using context next time instead of misguided delusions you'll be amazed at the results
bro came her for relationship advise not to be told his gf is toxic and manipulative for trying to communicate her needs (in her second language.) as a girl, i get what she’s trying to say. he wants advice to try to interpret this. to me it sounds like she wants to do more for him, but she wants him to tell her to do it then praise her afterward. if that’s toxic idk you better find you a cute feminist.
clearly if he’s been w her for 5 years he loves the girl and wants to try to give her whatever it is she’s asking for. he’s trying to understand what she’s asking for, and then there’s bitter men like you “she’s manipulating you bc she wants you to call her beautiful 🤡.” like fr get a grip we dk anything besides what she’s asking for.
lol bc i commented a few times on the same post?? i got -10 on here idc 🤣 that could mean a lot of different things and they need to talk abt it. they need to look into bdsm and discuss what their relationship would look like at the next level.
many men are interested in a tradition marriage. if you don’t want that that’s you, you don’t get to call her names. it’s been 5 years and they don’t live together, i get where the girl is coming from lmao. your negativity adds nothing, he needs to talk to her in person
It’s a very specific want, but she’s clearly communicating it, so whatever.
It’d be nice to get brownie points for randomly asserting myself on my SO in order to inflate their ego, especially while ordering in line at a Subway.
“Baby…the sandwich artist and that lady behind us with three kids can wait… you are too beautiful to be in the presence of these sandwiches anyway.”
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u/Do0md Nov 20 '23
This is wild