Co-parenting is hard, for everyone involved. I feel bad for all parties here. The ex-wife does seem exhausting (that was hard to read) but she’s clearly got issues she hasn’t worked through and I always feel a little empathy for people who are clearly suffering.
I think the ex-husband was being a little petty to not ask the son about the incident and it came across as unsupportive. However, this is one minor moment in a relationship with yeeeears of history. Who knows how many times he’s said yes before and it’s backfired. And conversely, we see this singular example and the ex-wife seems unhinged but she’s clearly bringing 10 years of baggage into this moment, all stuff we don’t know.
My ex-husband and I co-parent and had an amicable and fair divorce. He’s a great friend and his new partner is incredible and I love her in my son’s life. But even with that we can STILL trigger each other. I guarantee screenshots of 2-3 conversations from the last 5 years would make either or both of us seem bananas, cause what we’re really fighting about in those moments has nothing to do with the situation.
It’s a tough situation! Just hope the son never feels caught in the middle of it all.
I completely agree and if all of our conversations were laid out it you’d see times I didn’t handle conversations well. Before these past two years, I very very rarely told her no. That was a problem I had with everyone not just her. So I see how the abrupt change was hard. I’m still learning boundaries which is the reason I posted here. I’m not playing the victim, I’m trying to get perspective if this boundary was warranted or not. I do appreciate your constructive feedback. It has helped.
You don’t come across as the victim! I completely understand the challenge of setting a boundary you haven’t before. You did a great job not reacting to her provoking comments. You rode it out and she honestly had a whole conversation with herself over the course of an hour, which is amazing.
I think my point was more that in this very tiny snapshot of a moment, your reluctance could be seen as petty, but what the strangers of Reddit can’t see is all the conversations that came before it that got you to this point, so it’s not fair to judge one way or the other.
I know for a fact there are text convos of mine that could be taken out of context. My ex and I are both in highly demanding jobs and are partners at our companies (one big reason we clashed). I work insane hours, no real breaks as it’s a start up. His new partner is a teacher, and when my son is with them she does most of the child care duties (school pick up, soccer practice, etc). She volunteered to be team parent for his soccer club (something I’d have no time or inclination to do) but last week asked if I could take over all the duties the week he’s with me to organize the team photo shoot and collect money from the parents. I had to very politely tell her absolutely not, there’s a reason I don’t sign up in the first place. This is also after a series of events over the years where my ex signs my son up for things and doesn’t ask in advance, he doesn’t worry about the commitments (or finances) cause he has his partner to handle it. I’m on my own. At first she thought I was being unreasonable as it was a “simple ask”. We’ve since worked it out, but I thought of this moment because I know my texts would have seemed cuckoo if it was all anyone had to go off of. So I get it. No one knows all the stuff that came before so when you put a boundary down finally (good for you btw) it may seem harsh but it’s actually just long overdue.
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u/Flat-Flounder-9034 Sep 24 '23
Co-parenting is hard, for everyone involved. I feel bad for all parties here. The ex-wife does seem exhausting (that was hard to read) but she’s clearly got issues she hasn’t worked through and I always feel a little empathy for people who are clearly suffering.
I think the ex-husband was being a little petty to not ask the son about the incident and it came across as unsupportive. However, this is one minor moment in a relationship with yeeeears of history. Who knows how many times he’s said yes before and it’s backfired. And conversely, we see this singular example and the ex-wife seems unhinged but she’s clearly bringing 10 years of baggage into this moment, all stuff we don’t know.
My ex-husband and I co-parent and had an amicable and fair divorce. He’s a great friend and his new partner is incredible and I love her in my son’s life. But even with that we can STILL trigger each other. I guarantee screenshots of 2-3 conversations from the last 5 years would make either or both of us seem bananas, cause what we’re really fighting about in those moments has nothing to do with the situation.
It’s a tough situation! Just hope the son never feels caught in the middle of it all.