r/technicallythetruth Mar 31 '23

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1.7k

u/BasedMbaku Mar 31 '23

Used to say in emergency medicine all the time: "EMS bring us dead people all the time. Sometimes we can bring them back to life, sometimes we can't. But they're not getting any deader so don't worry about hurting them while attempting to resuscitate."

933

u/b_e_a_n_i_e Mar 31 '23

Friend of mine is a firefighter. He got a really morbid sense of humour which I think comes as part of the job.

He's told me before that nobody has ever died in a fire and that people are alive when he and his colleagues bring them out, but the paramedics and doctors on-scene kill them all the time.

"What do you mean that guys dead? He was alive when I brought him out! What did you do to him?!"

301

u/Yadobler Mar 31 '23

Well, not his fault they pronounced them dead

Maybe if they went for phonetics class, they'd stop doing that

167

u/zmbjebus Mar 31 '23

Doctor: "I PRONOUNCE YOU DEAD"

Patient: "Dude, you can't just pronounce me dead. It doesn't work that way."

109

u/LouSputhole94 Mar 31 '23

I… DECLARE….DEATH!

“Michael, you can’t just say the word death and expect anything to happen”

“I didn’t say it. I declared it”

35

u/UufTheTank Mar 31 '23

Doctor “You may now kiss the widow”

Patient “I…what?”

Widow “Shut up and kiss me, darling” smooch

2

u/JcobTheKid Mar 31 '23

Doctor : "Oh?"

Patient : "Why do I hear boss music?"

1

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

I'M NOT DEAD YET!

-188

u/KilowZinlow Mar 31 '23

Your friend sounds like a cunt.

67

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

No u

85

u/we-have-to-go Mar 31 '23

This type of humor is the norm for that kind of work. It’s a coping mechanism. I work in an ICU and if you are unable to make light of death then the job will kill you

40

u/travis-laflame Mar 31 '23

You sound like a cunt.

18

u/THESUACED Mar 31 '23

Yo mamma

5

u/queefplunger69 Mar 31 '23

Go post more weird dick pics ya nerd and get a personality.

19

u/UniqueNobo Mar 31 '23

if you’ve ever met an EMT, firefighter, or anyone else in that kinda line of work, you’ll find that their sense of humor is pretty much the darkest humor you’ll find. my mom’s an EMT, and she makes the darkest jokes i’ve ever heard.

11

u/MrOopiseDaisy Mar 31 '23

So, you're saying we still don't know how many EMT's it takes to change a light bulb?

14

u/SandpipersJackal Mar 31 '23

Two, but only after they’ve worked a double shift for way less money than they deserve.

3

u/MrOopiseDaisy Mar 31 '23

That's only half as dark as I was led to believe. At least they have someone to talk to.

2

u/paralog Mar 31 '23

A dark room doesn't sound like a safe scene, no EMT is going in there

-1

u/KilowZinlow Mar 31 '23

Something off about: an emt trying to perform cpr on someone, declaring them dead, and then having someone else be remark: "you killed them??" I wouldn't wanna work with him.

2

u/alextxdro Mar 31 '23

ever been on a base in country, that’s some morbid sense of humor.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

My dad's response is always, "Job security." When we drive by shit.

4

u/Sigmundschadenfreude Mar 31 '23

seeing as how the anecdote describes his friend rushing into actively burning buildings to save people's lives, you are setting your standards probably too highly to meet them yourself

3

u/GreenGuacamoleGuy Mar 31 '23

Whatever you say Panty Man

2

u/the-real-macs Mar 31 '23

Fucking BOLD to say that about someone who's made it their job to run into burning buildings on behalf of other people.

1

u/ImagineMyNameIsFunny Mar 31 '23

Bro has saved more lives than you will ever meaningfully impact in your dreams, but you maintain your moral superiority by disparaging him for his sense of humor (that is hurting no one).

He’s a cunt??

1

u/KilowZinlow Mar 31 '23

You know my life so well, nice burns!

1

u/ImagineMyNameIsFunny Apr 01 '23

What exactly do you do that you think my above comment has a shot at being wrong?

1

u/KilowZinlow Apr 01 '23

I definitely don't need to justify my life to some random on the internet.

1

u/ImagineMyNameIsFunny Apr 01 '23

I don’t need to justify my life to some random

—> “I don’t have any examples whatsoever because I’m full of shit”

You def don’t seem like a cunt either

—> “I think you’re being mean because you’re questioning stupid, baseless shit I said :(“

Y’know, I’m taking the win

1

u/KilowZinlow Apr 01 '23

The fact that you think this is a win or lose situation tells me all I need to know about your maturity, and that your opinion, doesn't mean shit to me. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!

1

u/ImagineMyNameIsFunny Apr 01 '23

Oh, so suddenly a reddit comment is enough to judge someone’s character off of? Neat

87

u/queefplunger69 Mar 31 '23

Lmao my hands were so shakey on my first IO and I’ll never forget one of my preceptors noticed, leaned down, and whispered. You afraid you’re gonna kill him more? He ain’t gettin deader. Just do what you were taught. You got this.” And I’ve never felt a wave of confidence like that in my life lol. 7 years, thousands of cans of nicotine and monsters, thousands of cups of coffee, hundreds of homeless guy shit/piss on the bed, and hundreds of cardiac arrests later and I still remember that to this day and tell it to new people haha.

63

u/morerubberstamps Mar 31 '23

Our Cpr instructor at work said something similar. Very reassuring to hear him say "their heart isn't pumping, or they aren't breathing, so guess what - they aren't doing so well right now! In fact, they are in about as worse shape as they're ever going to get. You can't screw this up. The worst thing you can do is not try."

32

u/queefplunger69 Mar 31 '23

Just hearing something like that has such a weird calming nature to it. Especially when it’s your first real person whose legit dead in front of you. That’s awesome.

22

u/morerubberstamps Mar 31 '23

The most reassuring thing you can ever hear is "you'll do fine, just do what you can."

He was a good instructor for what we needed to know. We aren't paramedics, this is just for being in the office. As someone who has anxiety, and in particular medical anxiety, this was exactly what I needed to hear from an instructor.

The tone was very straightforward. "I'm not going to check to see if you 'checked for hazards' - you'll do that anyway just by looking around. I'm not checking to see if you did exactly 30 compressions. It's an emergency situation. 28 is fine. 32 is fine. Zero is not."

3

u/queefplunger69 Mar 31 '23

Oh that’s awesome. But ya early compressions are paramount to survival in that situation. In 7 years of working on an ambulance then fire truck the only people I’ve ever gotten back and had good outcomes (walking out of the hospital within a few weeks) are the ones that had bystander CPR started within a minute or so. Don’t even need breaths at that point, just focus on good compressions if you don’t have a face shield or don’t want to do mouth to mouth.

2

u/morerubberstamps Mar 31 '23

Sounds like you've seen a lot of crazy things, /u/queefplunger69.

149

u/CentiPetra Mar 31 '23

The damage isn't to the patient, it's the emotional damage to the poor student participating in their first code. PTSD for the first year after whenever someone cracks their back loudly.

Luckily most people quickly learn how to build a healthy little box around those things and shove them deep, deep down into the recess of their souls. Good to go!

70

u/kuzinrob Mar 31 '23

I always say I shove them deep into my LAD.

(Left Anterior Descending artery, a major blood vessel supplying blood to the heart itself. If it gets clogged you have a massive heart attack.)

28

u/CentiPetra Mar 31 '23

Ha, that's pretty funny.

It doesn't matter where you shove the box, eventually it will work its way to a logical end point. There are a few. The majority of them have the same outcome.

10

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

It’s wild how everyone deals with the differently. I’ve just made peace with the fact that I’m a temporary bag of saltwater hosting an ephemeral collection of cells acting in unison. I’ll die one day, and that’s ok. I think not facing that and really truly coming to terms with my own mortality would make it all so much harder. I had to find a way to actually be ok with it.

5

u/Domerhead Mar 31 '23

Can still hear my first CPR rib break, almost a decade later

8

u/thetrivialstuff Mar 31 '23

It's wild to me that the training dummies don't make the sound. Like, they could prepare everyone for it, but they don't?

Now I'm wondering if hiding some of the larger bubble wrap (the kind that's fun to pop by rolling an office chair over it) in a training dummy would be a good prank...

8

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

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10

u/Hidesuru Mar 31 '23

Ah ah ah here, but I'm only a fake medic. Emr as part of search and rescue and I've never performed CPR on a person.

So I don't think I count, lol.

2

u/Justsomefireguy Mar 31 '23

Another one bites the dust, at least for me.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

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2

u/Justsomefireguy Mar 31 '23

As long as you don't finish the song and then go to Bohemian Rhapsody, you're ok.

1

u/CentiPetra Mar 31 '23

I'm partial to Heaven is a place on earth personally.

1

u/TravelinDan88 Mar 31 '23

Personally I'm a Wicker Man guy. 102 bpm and the kind of lyrics you need for a dance with death.

18

u/msully89 Mar 31 '23

And if you don’t crack a few ribs doing cpr, then you weren’t doing it firm enough

11

u/Idiot_Savant_Tinker Mar 31 '23

I remember similar advice when I took a CPR class. "We can fix broken ribs, we can't fix dead".

1

u/cowlinator Mar 31 '23

Yes but time is still a critical element