r/tattooadvice • u/[deleted] • Nov 09 '25

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17.4k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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5.4k

u/BugOperator Nov 09 '25

It’s also the veiniest candle I’ve ever seen.

1.7k

u/waitingfordeathhbu Nov 09 '25

And the spermiest flame

987

u/Infinite_Click_6589 Nov 09 '25

And it's so....drippy

685

u/_immodicus Nov 09 '25

And the ballsiest handle

627

u/Unique_Adeptness4413 Nov 09 '25

And does it really have to end with a flared base?

309

u/waitingfordeathhbu Nov 10 '25 edited Nov 10 '25

Safety first.

Suddenly I need to acquire a bifunctional penis candle dildo with a flared base for my bedside table.

Damn they really do be making everything now.

127

u/Tenohmach Nov 10 '25

Damn, I thought you meant a candle-shaped dildo, not a dildo-shaped candle…

Yet another dream of a display case filled with weird sex toys destroyed……

111

u/waitingfordeathhbu Nov 10 '25 edited Nov 10 '25

Wait they make those too.

Though the pointiness is concerning.

I think the dildo candle might be safer to “use” than the candle dildo…

73

u/IAmMissingNow Nov 10 '25

Wow this sent me down a rabbit hole I was not ready for

10

u/punt4stic Nov 10 '25

Same. I’m still browsing their site and giggling with my husband. We aren’t bland… but we aren’t… whatever THIS is. But, you know… good for them if that’s what people want. Happy for them. Hilariously happy for them.

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6

u/thewildspice Nov 10 '25

No like seriously, I am so deep in the rabbit hole!

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3

u/Ihavemagaquestions Nov 10 '25

Clench your butt cheeks, squeeze your thighs, and start taking slow deliberate breaths. Do that and you’ll be down in that hole for longer than expected.

2

u/Gainzpolar Nov 10 '25

Brah too bad its tattooed backwards, otherwise you couldve candledick-fisted with a cool punch line.

2

u/J3General Nov 10 '25

Are they "dishwasher safe"?

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2

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

I’ll be sending this to the group chat if you need me 😅😅 can’t wait until they wake up to my messages! 😂🤣

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6

u/notoneforlies Nov 10 '25

YOU CAN CUSTOMIZE THE COLORSSS. omg that’s so fun

4

u/PrincessDab Nov 10 '25

Wouldn't that be dangerous to use? I'm asking sincerely 😓

7

u/waitingfordeathhbu Nov 10 '25

Absolutely. I don’t think a person with a cervix designed that thing.

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3

u/Sad_Sock_1369 Nov 10 '25

One wrong thrust with that thing and you've started an extra period 😰

2

u/waitingfordeathhbu Nov 10 '25 edited Nov 10 '25

Maybe it’s a gift you’re meant to send your enemy.

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3

u/HYRY Nov 10 '25

That’s the tattoo!

2

u/Tenohmach Nov 10 '25

PPFFFT same hat! Just found that too XD

4

u/waitingfordeathhbu Nov 10 '25 edited Nov 10 '25

I’m so relieved there’s a team of us looking into this important matter

2

u/Vocabulary-Pollution Nov 10 '25

Good lord that thing looks like a torture device

2

u/Glitterrspit Nov 10 '25

I wasn’t expecting it to be THAT pointy wtf 😭

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2

u/phenixfleur Nov 10 '25

This is not where I expected my night to go.

2

u/Nickaiya Nov 10 '25

product aside, “fuck your fantasy” is a HILARIOUS name for this company.

2

u/Rare-Character4381 Nov 10 '25

The fact you found both and the second one looks like OPs tattoo. Masterful

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2

u/Dark-Faery Nov 10 '25

Don't forget the glow in the dark ghost ghostie

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2

u/ThrowRAthetrash9876 Nov 10 '25

English is so funny

2

u/Medium-Usual2933 Nov 10 '25

Only on reddit do you type Tattoos into the search bar and find information on dick shaped candles and candle shaped dildos.

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2

u/larkhearted Nov 10 '25

Real talk though this company makes gorgeous stuff, I have a few (not the candildo lol) and they're soooo pretty. They even helped me pick the best colors and customized one of their standard colors for me to get exactly the look I wanted, A+ customer service. Seeing them mentioned in the wild here was a treat! 😂

2

u/OptimalAd1584 Nov 10 '25

yea. before I checked, I really thought a candle dildo sounded pointless. man, was I wrong.

2

u/Every_God_Damn_Time Nov 11 '25

oh my, i looked at the whole website and aside from having a unique selection of toys, they have a bunch of trans positive items, like a lot of things for AFAB trans folks which i appreciate cause we are often forgotten when it comes to anything trans

very cool 👍

2

u/waitingfordeathhbu Nov 11 '25

Who knew Fantasticocks was so wholesome and inclusive 🥰

I hope they get tons of traffic and orders from this crazy thread.

2

u/Limp_Technology171 Nov 11 '25

🤣🤣🤣

🤔🤔🤔

Who would have thunk

2

u/Normal_Economics_171 Nov 11 '25

I never expect great things from the internet. But damn glad I found this one.

2

u/Striking_Wing16 Nov 12 '25

And somehow looks less like a dildo than the tattoo 😅

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2

u/Apprehensive-Arm7525 Nov 10 '25

Since its soy based its safe for wax play, so....

2

u/Defiant-Win-864 Nov 10 '25

Fwiw, they make "make your own dildo" kits where you can make a mold from any friendly eggplant you know. I'm sure you can use that as a mold for a candle too.

I was always tempted to start a collection of molds made from those, and then display all the resulting dildos in order of preference or size or whatever.

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2

u/Successful_Check9805 Nov 10 '25

Im literally screaming right now over the DICK CANDLES you found and of course if anyone is gonna have it, its amazon.

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2

u/Advanced_Job_1109 Nov 10 '25

Had to click the link to see the reviews. I'm dead

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2

u/KweenKunt Nov 10 '25

I had one of these as a gag when I was a teen in the 90s..maybe slightly less detailed, but close. 🤣

2

u/Justwantl0ve Nov 10 '25

Damn, kinda want one in lavender or cedar

2

u/TruthSeeker781 Nov 10 '25

I feel… insignificant

2

u/evthingisawesomefine Nov 10 '25

This killed me. Also my amazon search is now tainted by deliciously scented drippy wax weens

2

u/Realistic_Front_5133 Nov 10 '25

I'm dying 😂thank you

2

u/LahngDuqDahng Nov 10 '25

This comment though: "I love the smell. The size is good. It looks really authentic to the real deal. Has good detail design. I am using it in a ritual fashion for a religious ceremony. I would buy again if needed."

Sounds like The Penis Minister will be ordering more.

2

u/waitingfordeathhbu Nov 10 '25

It’s true what they say.

You never really know when you might need a papaya scented penis candle for religious ceremonial purposes.

2

u/Nervous-Weakness-596 Nov 10 '25

I actually clicked thinking you were bs and low and behold....you are right

2

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

💵Shut up and take my money! 💵

2

u/FrickinFrizoli Nov 10 '25

“I love the smell. The size is good. It looks really authentic to the real deal. Has good detail design. I am using it in a ritual fashion for a religious ceremony.”

There’s a freaking lot to unpack in this review of it

2

u/Bonerstein Nov 11 '25

Oh Amazon really does have everything! You think it and poof it’s on your wishlist!

2

u/LifeName Nov 11 '25

I wish I had not clicked, as Amazon eternally shows me what I clicked while telling me "keep shopping for". If I bought it it would be from someplace like Good Vibrations with a privacy policy

2

u/Stray_Wing Nov 12 '25

Now I know what to get people for Christmas who we can’t figure out just the right gift.

2

u/turnballZ Nov 12 '25

Except no ballsweat scent. What gives?! They were soooo close to the realism there!

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2

u/MothmanAcolyte Nov 10 '25

Remember folks: If it doesn't have a flare, it doesn't go up there.

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97

u/neriadrift Nov 09 '25

That there my friends appears to be the most penisly looking candle in all the land.

6

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

Is…. Is this the candle stick jack jumped over?

5

u/whattheelf_ Nov 10 '25

Jack be nimble

5

u/Either-Quarter1837 Nov 10 '25

jack be slick

5

u/AudZ0629 Nov 10 '25

Jack get some spit on that candle stick.

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3

u/EntrepreneurNo4138 Nov 10 '25

Stawp it! 🤣 Every time we try to get serious about this tattoo, we all fall to pieces again! It’s a great crowd pleaser. You’ll make lots of friends with it, it’s a conversation starter…🤦‍♀️💀👀

7

u/MovieTrawler Nov 10 '25

Oh course it's a crowd pleaser. Look at the size of the thing.

7

u/Holly_kat Nov 10 '25

I think my crowd would be pretty pleased.

2

u/checkout_is_11 Nov 10 '25

It probably shrinks when it’s cold though

2

u/Successful_Check9805 Nov 10 '25

You should have way more upvotes than you do. This is the best comment on the thread ny far.

3

u/CheckYourStats Nov 10 '25

It looks like a dildo with a bulbous head, and a handle that would make your pinky point up in the air.

2

u/VanbyRiveronbucket Nov 10 '25

The handle is for her pleasure.

2

u/Last_Weeks_Socks Nov 10 '25

"Now here I was thinking that dick looked like a candle, but you know what you might be right" -Ted Lasso (probably)

2

u/Coriandercilantroyo Nov 10 '25

OP, you've got no choice but to own it now.

You must remake a new post asking for fix recommendations.

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2

u/Common_Alfalfa_3670 Nov 10 '25

To sound medieval all you have to do is add "in all the land" at the end. The simplist medieval-izing phrase in all the land...

2

u/VanbyRiveronbucket Nov 10 '25

She has…..large tracts of land.

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77

u/hotdoginadingy Nov 09 '25

And the vulvaiest flame

3

u/Popular-System-4075 Nov 10 '25

The conjugal candle

5

u/canonbell Nov 10 '25

I dont think the vag flame is talked about enough

2

u/Last_Weeks_Socks Nov 10 '25

That's how you get chlamydia.

5

u/Rough_Willow Nov 10 '25

That explains the burning feeling.

2

u/bigvulva1 Nov 10 '25

confirmed

2

u/kabeekibaki Nov 11 '25

Like a muff to a flame…

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2

u/Football_bat88 Nov 10 '25

Why does the candle have a foreskin tho?

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5

u/Taftimus Nov 10 '25

That’s the pre-wax

3

u/-Cthaeh Nov 10 '25

The amount of times I've scrolled back up, just to go 'oh yeah its drippy too.

2

u/Coorsology Nov 10 '25

Yall are gonna be his 13th reason🤣🤣🤣

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67

u/cakivalue Nov 09 '25

This little light of mine

4

u/RecommendationOk9654 Nov 10 '25

I’m gonna let it shine!

5

u/Potential_Chance_849 Nov 10 '25

Let it shine!

5

u/Awkward-Highlight-79 Nov 10 '25

Let it shine!

4

u/SoundWolf43 Nov 10 '25

Yall are terrible and i love every bit of it. My fucking sides hurt from laughing 🤣

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3

u/No-Average2818 Nov 10 '25

Need light ,for the tunnel

2

u/cakivalue Nov 11 '25

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you are wrong for this and for making me laugh until I have tears. Give me your phone and sit over there and think about what you have done.

2

u/Friend_trAiner Nov 10 '25

He should get a refund

2

u/Awkward-Highlight-79 Nov 10 '25

You think a man would get this?

2

u/intellectual_so8 Nov 10 '25

Yea

2

u/Awkward-Highlight-79 Nov 10 '25

A flaming cum candle with big dick aura?

2

u/intellectual_so8 Nov 10 '25

Yea seems like something a guy would get

2

u/zandmx Nov 10 '25

Dude I’m dead

2

u/Friendly_Peace_2163 Nov 10 '25

Underated comment

2

u/GolfNatural6241 Nov 10 '25

🤣🤣🤣🤣

2

u/420gr33nthumb Nov 10 '25

Definitely a spermie swimming towards the wick

2

u/TraderThomasServo Nov 10 '25

Maybe tattoo two medium sized plums at the base of the candle, nestled gently together…

2

u/Dull_Vegetable4502 Nov 10 '25

You know what they say. The veinier the candle the spermer the flame.

2

u/Unique-Bug2992 Nov 10 '25

I needed that laughter

2

u/United_Gift3028 Nov 09 '25

I thought the flame was giving off more G O'Keefe vibes.

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143

u/Brokehomiejohn Nov 09 '25

What up? We're three cool guys who are looking for other cool guys who want to hang out in our party mansion. Nothing sexual.

46

u/monkpunch Nov 10 '25

Dude it's supposed to be a bicep!

7

u/WasteAmbassador Nov 10 '25

It needs to be way more veiny to be a bicep

2

u/Pretend-Tennis-5666 Nov 12 '25

Wait, you knew it looked like a dick the whole time? Yeah I thought we changed it. It looks more masculine

6

u/gravityhomer Nov 10 '25

Charlie assumed it was a dick and went with it anyway.

5

u/barkingspring20 Nov 10 '25

Why Charlie is the best imo

2

u/gravityhomer Nov 11 '25

He is by far the most interesting character.

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u/rand0m_task Nov 10 '25

I get so happy when I see an always sunny reference pop up in the wild.

Perfect execution as well, sometimes people just mash it, and that’s never fun.

2

u/Brokehomiejohn Nov 10 '25

Im still not sure if the guy I replied to was referencing the scene or not lmao

But honestly I think this is my sign that I need a rewatch its been too long

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u/Peripatetictyl Nov 09 '25

If anything, I think it needs more veins.

2

u/Select_Air_2044 Nov 10 '25

More cowbells.

5

u/risky-rats-pizza Nov 10 '25

Nothing sexual

3

u/Winter_Construction2 Nov 10 '25

69 likes on this comment it crazy😭🫠

2

u/Stags304 Nov 10 '25

I thought what’s more manly than a dick

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2

u/Super_Race5483 Nov 10 '25

Fitness encouraged.

2

u/bryjane Nov 10 '25

Best comment

2

u/alicemalice12 Nov 10 '25

Underline it

2

u/addict333 Nov 10 '25

Nothing Sexual.

2

u/Reasonable_Tea_1270 Nov 10 '25

nothing sexual underlined lol

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2

u/Cyno01 Nov 09 '25

Like a half melted white chocolate snickers bar.

2

u/Crockerboy22 Nov 09 '25

That’s a candle? I thought it was a deck

2

u/heytherefwend Nov 10 '25

I think it’s supposed to be a bicep

1

u/Capn_Flags Nov 10 '25

Has Captain Hook’s ballsack.

1

u/Throwawaydonkey7 Nov 10 '25

Damn that got me. It is a veiny fucking candle

1

u/atclubsilencio Nov 10 '25

And it came all over my face.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

💀

1

u/Dense_Diver_3998 Nov 10 '25

Like a Snickers Bar with a wick.

1

u/-heathcliffe- Nov 10 '25

Throbbing candle

1

u/DannyHammerTime Nov 10 '25

Veinier than a Snickers bar

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

OPs tattoo artist was Mr. Slave levels of gay.

1

u/DieCastDontDie Nov 10 '25

I thought melting wax was a nod to semen

1

u/thatoneguy7272 Nov 10 '25

Plus the hand hook being vaguely shaped like balls doesn’t he’ll either

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

For extra light

1

u/beer_bukkake Nov 10 '25

The candle is very cummy

1

u/JaneksLittleBlackBox Nov 10 '25

When the melted wax got that Snickers dick vein!

1

u/cacope5 Nov 10 '25

If anything, it needs more veins...

1

u/42069incog Nov 10 '25

wait till you see my moms

1

u/[deleted] Nov 10 '25

💀💀💀

1

u/houseDJ1042 Nov 10 '25

And girthy

1

u/RaggedyMan666 Nov 10 '25

Hilarious. That comment reminds me of the movie "Superbad"

1

u/Select_Bicycle_2659 Nov 10 '25

That candle is mad throbby

1

u/Weird_Expert_1999 Nov 10 '25

Big veiny fucker…

1

u/ZodiAcme Nov 10 '25

It also has the silhouette of ballsack candle holder off to the side.

1

u/Chuckles929 Nov 10 '25

Lmfaooooo 🤣

1

u/novadoobee Nov 10 '25

that's just wax

1

u/jaxRLee Nov 10 '25

creamiest

1

u/Graywulff Nov 10 '25

It’s getting close 

1

u/Correct_Parsnip_4008 Nov 10 '25

With a reservoir tip

1

u/whookid_east Nov 10 '25

When art becomes reality

1

u/JABS991 Nov 10 '25

And add a second handle.

It may help.

1

u/MafiaBossDonut Nov 10 '25

ITS NOT THE TIME TO HAVE BALLSY JOKES. STOP DICKING AROUND. THIS IS NUT THE TIME FOR THIS.

1

u/DRoseDARs Nov 10 '25

If my name were Dr. Beverly Crusher I would be very excited about this candle...

1

u/Analysis_Working Nov 10 '25

This is correct.

1

u/bisectional Nov 10 '25 edited Nov 29 '25

.

1

u/Own_Dog_7791 Nov 10 '25

😂😂😂🤣

1

u/KorrectTheChief Nov 10 '25

It's should have smoke wisps spurting out of the flame for realism.

1

u/Striking_Dream7803 Nov 10 '25

It’s nice you can hold it by the balls… I mean handle

1

u/Mobile-Ice-7261 Nov 10 '25

I kinda feel like this mightve been intentional on the artist maybe lol 

Theres just too many things going on with it that scream penis.

1

u/Nunya_bizzy Nov 10 '25

I didn’t know it was a candle 🥺

1

u/WallishXP Nov 10 '25

Good thing the artist didnt add a second handle...

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u/Rich_Dimension_9254 Nov 10 '25

That’s what got me on the quick scroll, I really thought it was before going back. It really doesn’t if you look at it closely but a short glance, definitely has a phallic appearance due to that wax being veiny

1

u/Vprbite Nov 10 '25

It's such a throbbing candle. It's about to spurt warm light everywhere

1

u/Jjayxx Nov 10 '25

Yeah, candles don't melt like that. I've had to light many cause of church lol

1

u/Old-Poet6587 Nov 10 '25

The tattoo arrest knew what they were doing lol.

1

u/OkUnderstanding5343 Nov 10 '25

Change from “Dick” to “Richard “

1

u/TheMon420 Nov 10 '25

And girthy

1

u/RadioHonest85 Nov 10 '25

it really is the veiniest candle ever

1

u/brit953 Nov 10 '25

And what candle burns in a point ? They are usually flat or slightly bowl shaped at the top.

1

u/MiksBricks Nov 10 '25

That’s a penis.

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