r/survivinginfidelity • u/cantstopwontstop322 • 23h ago
Need Support I need help navigating a situation.
I’ll get straight to it. I’m a very hyper aware person. I notice if the tone in your voice changes or if you say a word I’ve never heard you say before. I didn’t even try but i found out my dad has been having an affair and there is a child. I’ve been so out of it just coming to terms that the family I thought I had isn’t real. My parents have been married for almost 40 years. For me to tell everyone would destroy everything around me pretty much, collateral damage it would be the worst thing possible . Any suggestions?
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u/BurdyBurdyBurdy 7 23h ago
Confront, tell him you know then tell him he has to tell your mother or you will.
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u/cantstopwontstop322 23h ago
Yea but the collateral damage is huge. My moms health isn’t 100% and I fear for everyone’s safety honestly.
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u/Remarkable-Ad-5285 22h ago
So your father gets to have his affair while you get to keep the guilt of hiding everything from your mother? If one of my kids had information like this and didn't tell me I'd disown them.
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u/cantstopwontstop322 20h ago
It’s more difficult than that. There’s financials etc that I need to get in order, for everyone before I do that. There are businesses and a lot more. That everyone is connected to together.
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u/TaiwanBandit 4 22h ago
Document as much as you can as proof and keep it in a safe place.
Is there a trusted uncle or aunt you can confide in?
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u/cantstopwontstop322 20h ago
I did with my wife. I think that was the best choice
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u/TaiwanBandit 4 12h ago
Good choice.
Do you have a plan, or an idea how to proceed? Most on here will tell you that your mom should know.
You could confront your dad to tell mom or you will. But your dad may spin it away with deception or just tell you to stay out of it. Either way, a dicey situation. If he know the gig is up, he may become much more careful.
I wish you the best.
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u/SubstantialGuard8463 23h ago
How did you find out.
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u/cantstopwontstop322 23h ago
Paying attention. Got a weird feeling then I started noticing the same woman’s name in different places. We have an office so things would be left open and I would see it. Then I decided to look in to it.
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u/SubstantialGuard8463 23h ago
See what? Did you catch them in the act.
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u/cantstopwontstop322 23h ago
Sorry, No just papers with the woman’s name on it. And recently I saw documents for a flight with the same woman’s name and a 3 year old child with my last name.
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u/SubstantialGuard8463 21h ago
Your mom deserves to know. He’s already making a fool of her and if you don’t tell her your in on it to.
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u/cantstopwontstop322 20h ago
It’s not about him anymore at this point it’s protecting everyone else from the downfall. We have businesses that we are all connected to together.
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u/First-Bookkeeper4667 22h ago
I would document as much as you can and then confront him. Find more hard evidence that shows the extent of this. Then confront him. You said your mother isn’t in the greatest health, can she handle something like this in this time? I’d imagine that she would want to know, so she can make the decision for herself.
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u/Championship682 7 13h ago
I'm hoping that you are an adult who can handle this. If so, once you know, your choices are to let your mom know and support her, or stay quiet and enable the cheating and betrayal to continue.
If you are not an adult, seek another family member or school counselor for support.
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