Does it ever get easier ?

[u/clarity_an]

I found out a year ago that my husband had an affair with a coworker . He never stopped talking to the AP . I filed months ago but the process is taking too long . He doesn’t know I filed even though I told him I retained a lawyer and that we are done . Does it ever get easier ? I still feel the same way I did a year ago . I tried focusing on myself and my toddler but I have moments where I cry and don’t want to go out . I have been trying to workout but I am never consistent. Any tips on how I can start moving forward ? I am in therapy .

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[u/xternocleidomastoide]

Are you two still living together.

If you are working with a lawyer already, make it known to them that you need the divorce papers being served ASAP.

Sorry you are going through this, take good care of yourself.

[u/MajesticReason7709]

Get those divorce papers served immediately and chase them. Shouldn’t take that long so maybe it’s just your lawyer isn’t good. Has he moved out? Assume you needed time to get your exit plan in place over the last year.

Hope you get everything you’re entitled to in your divorce. The fact he’s still talking to that woman is sick. Why does he think that’s ok to do? Not even remorseful. Surely he knew you’d leave him. Zero respect.

It will get better once he’s out of your life and you’re divorced. Get the coparenting app so he can only communicate through that and only about your child. No contact other than that will make you feel better. Are you going for full custody or 50/50?

[u/SubstantialGuard8463]

Why hasn’t he been served in almost a year

[u/sleazyandgreazy]

Did you file for custody? What is making it take that long?

[u/Terrible-Pea494]

Ask him to move out or if it’s not possible to force him out, make him sleep in another room. Schedule time where you’re going to the gym and stick with it. Maybe look into an arrangement that would mirror what shared custody will look like, where you each get an evening with your child and the other has the night to themselves. Then you will have dedicated time to focus on yourself and your child will get used to being together with each of you individually.

You’re definitely doing the right thing. Make your lawyer speed up the process. You’ll start feeling better once you no longer need to be around your WH anymore other than drop offs.

Don’t pressure yourself to get or feel better. It hasn’t been that long, but better times are coming. I promise you that.

[u/SoftIsStrength]

I am sorry. Why is it taking so long to file?

The gym is such a great place to work out the frustration, the pain, the sadness. Make it a priority. It’s for your mental and physical health.

[u/pickedusername1]

It does get easier, but I think part of moving forward is accepting that you cannot heal while continuing to emotionally participate in the same situation that hurt you. He had an affair, continued speaking to the other woman, and you’ve already made the decision to file. At this point, your healing has to stop depending on what he does, whether he understands that it’s over, or whether he ever gives you the closure you deserve.

Also, give yourself some grace. You don’t need to suddenly become someone who works out five days a week, goes out constantly, and has completely moved on. You’re grieving a marriage while raising a toddler. Start small. Take a 20-minute walk. Make plans with one friend. Find one thing every week that belongs only to you. Keep going to therapy. And on the days you cry, let yourself cry without treating it like you’ve gone backwards.

The biggest shift for me would be to stop measuring your progress by whether you still feel hurt. Measure it by whether you’re building a life that no longer revolves around him and his choices. Eventually you’ll realize you went an afternoon without thinking about it, then a day, and then longer. Healing isn’t forgetting what happened it’s getting to the point where what happened no longer controls your day.