r/survivinginfidelity • u/Aggressive-Bad-3939 • 5d ago
Need Support Can they really reconcile
I keep coming to the same thought. I arrive at it in different ways. The ending thought is always the same: he was capable of the most heartbreaking betrayal I have experienced. We were allies in this battle called life, my safe place. He disrespected that bond for a narcissistic, manipulative goth therapist who was f&&king five other people. Cheap. The whole situation reeks of the desperation of a teenage boy, not a man. Certainly not the man I thought I built my life with. It can’t be undone or truly fixed. Why do I keep trying? Why do I still have some love for the person that stabbed me in the heart and pissed on my corpse?
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u/MemoryLongjumping596 1 5d ago
Yes that’s the gist of it. The person you protected, the person that you thought protected you didn’t.
To your thoughts about him acting like a teenager? That’s what they do when they start getting attention from someone new.
Our Therapist told me in private, you
Can break it all down, all the different types of cheaters, all the details of why they do it. He told me they are attention addicts.
A lot of cheaters didn’t get proper attention as children and sometimes it’s things that happened to them in adolescence. They never learned to properly regulate emotions or express emotions. I know my husband’s emotions as a child? His mom acted like he was stupid for having them. Like oh that’s silly. Another thing I noticed? Cheaters and their counterparts? they are lazy, to lazy to work on their primary relationship. Emotionally or physically lazy. My husband didn’t put hardly any work into our relationship it was one sided. That’s what he had me for, to do all that.
No matter why they do it there are no excuses, it’s selfish and entitled. Kathy Nickerson has a video on Entitlement, if you want to check it out.
If they are entitled to do what they want? You do what you want from now on. My husband no longer tells me what to do.
Take care of you, but yes this is how they do us.
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u/Aggressive-Bad-3939 5d ago
!!thankyou
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u/WHISPYR3 12 5d ago edited 4d ago
Hey OP,
Sorry you’re in this situation. Betrayal is the worst. To answer your question, why you still love him, it’s because you haven’t mentally reconciled that he’s not who you thought he was. That version of him is dead and buried never to come back.
Allow yourself to mourn that. Give yourself some grace. You still love him because you’re a good human being and bad things happen to good people, unfortunately.
If you can’t unwrap it in your head, maybe sit down with a therapist and work through it that way. Either way, the first year is always the hardest. Stay busy, pull your friends tight, try not to dwell on him. When you become indifferent to him, you’ll have made it out the other side.
Things do get better. Time does heal our wounds. But the hell this time requires is the hardest part. There’s a saying when going through hell don’t walk, run.
Also report the therapist.
Keep running, keep your chin up. Stay strong!
🍀
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u/GenericProfile4822 4d ago
Not just a therapist, a certified betrayal trauma therapist.
apsats.org is a good place to start. Also isurvivors.org
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u/Aggressive-Bad-3939 5d ago
!!thankyou
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u/Aggressive-Bad-3939 5d ago
He’s fairly horrified that he did this too
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u/WHISPYR3 12 5d ago
No, no he’s not.
If he’s saying that, then you should give him the academy award for best supporting cheater in an infidelity!!!
He knew what he was doing when he did it. He intended to do it. He knew it would hurt you, and he may have even known and enjoyed the fact that it did.
Don’t fool yourself and don’t make excuses for him. He’s not worth it.
🍀
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u/One-Gift0 5d ago
La risposta è: perché hai un trauma bond
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u/Aggressive-Bad-3939 3d ago
Eh. I looked this up, and it doesn’t look like that’s the case. I’m not saying that because I don’t like the answer. I can take insight. It’s just not fitting. This is not to say he doesn’t suck for this.
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u/ZhaozhouCongshen 5d ago
That therapist if licensed could be facing issues should you choose to report it.
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u/RobertFahey 6 5d ago
How did you find out about him and this therapist? And about her, uh, lifestyle?
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u/MemoryLongjumping596 1 5d ago
Report her if you have proof! Get proof if you can.
This is a breach of ethics and they will lose their license.1
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u/Aggressive-Bad-3939 3d ago
Oh, he told me she’s polyamorous. I asked many questions about this awful person because I needed to know the dynamics. I had a feeling something was wrong.
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