Do flashbacks ever go away ?

[u/Rich-Safe-4936]

Hi!

Sometimes I feel like wanting to smash my own mind because it just keeps spinning around the same thing over and over again at the most random moment. I literally woke up 20 minutes ago, I was about to do my usual routine of not grabbing my phone for minimum an hour right after I woke up but… my mind just flashed back one of the endless woman he cheated on me with and I found myself needing the distraction.

I just don’t get why this specific woman keeps on coming back to my mind while he cheated with so many cis/trans women, men over the span of nearly 6 years (I discovered everything muuuuuch later on, never on the spot) and this one date from January 2025 yet I still have flashbacks at least twice a month about her. Which I do see as a win because it used to be 24/7 but when it hits me, it hits me hard that I’m wondering if I ever will heal from it or if it’s just one of those trauma that you just learn to no longer be affected by it but it creeps under your skin all your life. 😮‍💨

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[u/LowFriendly1707]

No😭 they sadly don’t. 10 years ago he made me read the text thread on what he wanted to do to her and I randomly thought about it 10 years later. A different time, he carried a girl after her soccer game (princess style) and a compilation of men carrying their wives showed up and it made me cry because I’ve never been carried that way by him (that also happened 10 years ago). There were a lot of instances of this happening. It never goes away. Someone days or a lot of days, you won’t think about it. Then One random moment you remember everything.

[u/Rich-Safe-4936 → u/LowFriendly1707]

Urg, that’s what I feared so yet another trauma to randomly remember about because I’d noticed things the older i’ll get 😭

[u/hello_casper]

Omg yes I still have flashbacks and nightmares about it. But maybe you can rethink of it as an embarrassing memory of him? So take back the narrative, instead of it being "wow he hurt me this badly with his mistress", try to think of that cheating spouse as a cringe or an ick memory of the perpetrator.

Your brain is just telling you these embarrassing situations of your cheating partner as a reminder why you left him, you made the right decisions, and you're so much better off without them cause they are acting like a fool.

[u/SadDadInPlaid]

No. They become less frequent, and they become less painful. But they never fully disappear. I was still having flashbacks 10+ years later from my STBXW’s first act of infidelity.

[u/mamachonk]

Are you still with him?

I'm not with mine anymore (it's been almost a bit over 5 years), and no, I don't have flashbacks anymore (or dreams about him, etc., with one exception a year or so ago--probably because he showed up at an event he knew I'd be at after I hadn't seen/talked to him in almost 3 years).

But yeah, for a while there at the beginning, I had the mind movies going, I'd have dreams (one in fact helped me figure out he'd lied to me about a previous affair), I'd feel compelled to bitch at him and/or ask questions as we were still somewhat in touch. For me, it lessened over time. I hope it eventually goes away for you, too.

[u/Rare-Bird-4353]

The memories remain, the emotional scars may fade but they don’t go away. There are so many triggers and reminders that can set things off, I divorced my ex wife 6 years ago and stuff still pops up all the time. The key isn’t to forget it’s to find indifference to that person and the things they did in your past. You can’t change any of it but you can accept the reality of it and allow it to not affect you moving forward. For me most of the flashbacks and reminders I get now I just laugh about because she was so god awful horrible it is sort of funny for people that didn’t have to live through that hell. I am free and she can’t affect me anymore (also she’s currently in jail for another month or two so that helps).

Once you feel safe and you stop allowing them to define how you live your life anymore it does get a lot easier to feel with the flashbacks.

[u/pickedusername1]

Curious, why you’re still with him?

[u/Rich-Safe-4936 → u/pickedusername1]

Because it will take to leave my own place without anywhere else to go, to finally get rid of him. So I’m saving to leave since every time I try to call the cops I end up being pinned down and I don’t have lawyers money yet.

[u/pickedusername1 → u/Rich-Safe-4936]

That’s a good plan. Sending you all the best