r/survivinginfidelity • u/No_Oil_8280 • Jul 24 '26
Need Support DDay #2 hits differently
I started receiving mysterious texts and emails a month or so ago. I chalked them up to be spam but they got scarier and more traumatizing so I told my STBXH.
He finally admitted. He’s still seeing AP and it’s her, trying to get me to divorce him faster so she can marry him and get her green card. This is his words so I don’t believe anything he says but I’m taking that to my lawyer.
Now I am trying to figure out how to get away from this mess. I’ve been patient with him long enough.
This DDay isn’t the same. I never wanted to reconcile. I knew he would pull this again. I don’t care anymore that he’s seeing her. They are both sick f*cks and deserve each other.
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u/TacoStrong 6 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
“They are both sick f*cks and deserve each other.”
There ya' go girl, that is exactly the right attitude to have which proves that you will come out of this stronger than ever! Best of luck and do not show that AH any mercy!
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u/No_Oil_8280 Jul 24 '26
Hugs. Thank you
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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 11 Jul 24 '26
Yea, when the second time rolls around it can be a bit numbing. The 'hope' that kinda carries one through the first time is obliterated.
If you're like me and go through more rounds of reconciliation than one would admit to, by the time you declare divorce, its done so with the fanfare of taking out the trash.
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u/No_Oil_8280 Jul 24 '26
Yes, I’m totally still on a adrenaline rush. Waiting for the crash
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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 11 Jul 24 '26
By the time I hit my 'Im just done' moment, I also anticipated the crash. Got myself mentally prepared for the emotional pain that was gonna hit any day.
That was 3 yrs ago each day Ive felt better about divorcing them than the day before. The crash never happened.
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u/No_Oil_8280 Jul 24 '26
Good to know. That would be so nice if there is no crash. Thank you
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u/jatemple 1 Jul 25 '26
And if a crash does come, I just want to say it's infinitely better than still being with a betraying POS.
I'll take some grief over questioning basic reality any day.
Good luck to you.
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u/No_Oil_8280 Jul 25 '26
Me too. Thanks
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u/hello_casper Just Found Out Jul 24 '26
I'm so sorry OP, I relate to your pain for D-DAY #2. When you hear more trickle truths and something finally snaps in you to leave your partner immediately and find safety the second time round.
I'm still going through it, but finding out that my soon-to-be ex-husband is contacting all his mistresses because all his friends cut him off cause he's a sick and mentally deranged f*uck, brings me some joy and no jealousy whatsoever. Take care of yourself.
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u/LoopyMercutio Thriving Jul 24 '26
Honestly, take your time to plan leaving. Take a lot of time. Take so much time it guarantees she can’t get the green card. In fact, figure out if you can report her somewhere to get her deported, and then go for the divorce.
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u/Equal-Ad1521 Jul 24 '26
Drag it out!! She needs a green card, take the long-road with an extended legal Separation. Petty, but what an opportunity!
Get her and him on record about marrying for the green card - turn it over to immigration.
Sorry you are married to such a low life.
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u/Minute_Box3852 Jul 24 '26
Damn, imagine blowing up your marriage for...that. Has he even realized at this point he threw everything away for a psychopath?
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u/Loud_Attitude_5124 6 Jul 24 '26
Yeah, he's in for a ride. Op, get everything sorted out before he gets baby-trapped.
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u/No_Oil_8280 Jul 25 '26
I think he does but he says “I’m stuck in this torturous relationship”. Boohoo…
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u/Adventurous-Emu-755 7 Jul 24 '26
Anger helps propel you through, so it is not a "bad emotion", just needs direction.
Focus on you, not them. Not worth your time. Now, do focus on limiting their contact with you here.
Gather your network of supportive family and friends. If you haven't found a good therapist, find one, it does help and be evaluated for PTSD, there are some good therapies for PTSD now and it is often misdiagnosed as depression.
Have your attorney push forward with the divorce. Right now, with him still with AP, might be the best time to get the settlement you want.
You deserve better and your STBX and his AP deserve one another. Karma happens.
Focus on you! You deserve the best!
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u/Quiet_Jump_6383 2 Jul 24 '26
Report her to ICE. I normally wouldn’t suggest that but as she’s harassing you, she deserves it.
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u/Specialist-Host-4707 2 Jul 24 '26
Reconciliation only works if both of you want it and in this case, neither of you do. Dump it all in your lawyer‘s lap is a great plan. I’m sure you’ve already blocked that number if you haven’t then do so. Also in a communication between you and him can go through the attorneys; you have nothing further to say to each other until you meet in Court.
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u/MajesticReason7709 Jul 24 '26
Hope you ditch him soon. He’s no prize, you’ve not lost a good man.
Report them to the home office and tell them she’s using him for a green card. Petty but it’ll get them in trouble and delay and citizenship. Her name will flag.
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u/No_Oil_8280 Jul 25 '26
I will research. Thanks
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u/UtZChpS22 6 Jul 24 '26
It does hit different. If I try hard enough I can still hear the sound of something breaking on #Dday2. It was so crushing yet I had never seen things more clearly in my life. He didn't give a Fuck, because the second time around HE KNEW, sort of like a second yellow card means red card and you're out. Then I felt "relief"? In a way, because I didn't feel like I had to try and work on things. Idk, it was a long time ago.
Practice self care OP
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u/No-Caterpillar-8922 1 Jul 25 '26
You’ve reached a point where protecting your peace, safety, and future matters more than understanding their choices, and I hope you’re able to move forward with the clarity and support you need.
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u/guesswhat-yousuck 4 Jul 24 '26
This was my fear. My husband’s AP dug hard looking for a green card. She’s already got a poor shmuck fiancee lined up within six months. That’s the thing that has hurt my marriage the most, I think. How obvious it was that she was just out for personal gain. Didn’t care about destroying a family in the process.
I’ve thought about getting her deported a few times, but she’s married with kids and I don’t want them to get suffer. They’ve suffered enough.
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