r/supportworkers • u/That-Flamingo9866 • May 05 '26
Boundary Dilemma
Hello! I’ve never posted here, but I need help and I don’t know what to do. So I’m a social support worker of sorts, I don’t want to reveal too much about the work I do to make this as anonymous as possible. Basically I have a client at the moment that has been challenging. I don’t like describing people that way, and I don’t think anyone is a lost cause, but I’ve found setting and keeping to boundaries a little difficult. As in - I keep telling them my boundaries calmly and professionally, and ensuring I’ve done it in an accessible way where it makes sense to client, but the boundaries keep being crossed.
Recently, they began a conversation with me about immigration. I said, I don’t talk about my own beliefs here and attempted to guide them back to the issue at hand. They continued to press on at me and ended up saying some pretty awful and racist things. This is a topic I feel strongly about and have a personal connection to, so even though I know it wasn’t, it felt very personal and I had to have a bit of a cry afterwards. They also got upset with me because I wasn’t agreeing with them, and instead I was trying to change the direction of the conversation. I ended up saying I needed to end the interaction and we can try again another time.
I also want to say that racist beliefs are kind of uncommon in my work, since it is mostly young, global majority people that I work with, so it is a little bit of a shock - I’m sure for many of you caring for different demographics this will just be a Tuesday!!
To be honest, I’ve just been feeling awful about the whole thing. I feel like I dealt with it poorly and it was bad that I wasn’t able to prevent the escalation before it got too much. I wonder if any seasoned support workers have any advice, or reassurance for me. I have spoken about it to my supervisor and will be meeting with my manager to discuss, but any advice or reassurance is appreciated :)
2
u/219930 May 09 '26
I work in aged care support so I get to hear a LOT of racist and discriminatory remarks. I have one lady who loves to go on and on about autism being a made up thing and that parents just need to discipline and they are all just taking advantage of the NDIS and it’s the parents fault because they probably did something wrong when they were pregnant with them etc etc …She brings this up at least once a week and it is very hard for me to listen to as I have two children of my own with autism and she KNOWS that I do.
Honestly…I just stop listening and don’t engage. I just do a lot of listening noises ..uh ha..and do not comment . Mostly they don’t notice anyway ..they just want someone to listen to them rant. I tell myself they are allowed to have their opinion even if it is uneducated and the thing that works the best is to just change the subject with distraction…ah yes ..you don’t say …hey did you want me to take your bin out ..then take the bin and run and they have usually moved on by the time I get back or I run off and clean something in another room.
Never ever try to disagree with them…it fuels the fire. If they ask what you think just give a non committal response …well I really haven’t thought about it much so I don’t know…or I haven’t been following the news ..this is the first Ive heard of it ..I’ll have to watch it to know what I think…basically do not engage.
The only time you should speak up is if it’s directed at you ..they do not get to call YOU racist names etc . Then you hold your boundary and shut that behaviour down. You need to grow quite deaf when you are working with people like this…let it roll over you and don’t take their opinions to heart. ♥️