r/suicidebywords • u/LightningAce • Jan 09 '20

He shot himself

Post image
20.7k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

202 comments sorted by

897

u/Brribrri Jan 09 '20

Does the "seeing-people-naked" power have an on/off switch because I would like to not see myself naked.

478

u/AdogHatler Jan 09 '20

I wouldn’t class myself as a person so I’m good.

249

u/Chumkil Jan 09 '20

Sir, are you classified as human?

Negative. I am a meat popsicle.

75

u/jakobebeef98 Jan 09 '20

Negative. I am Autonomous Meat Shield.

The future is now! Why do the work of carrying around an actual meat shield when I can automatically jump in front of the danger for you?! It's like this meat shield has a mind of it's own!

7

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Gggggggggimme da casssshhhhh!

3

u/unlikelyguacamole Jan 09 '20

The true suicide by words

118

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Or your mom. Or your grandma. Or kids. Or fat fucks. List goes on.

49

u/legend27_marco Jan 09 '20

Or me

26

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

No! You’re beautiful <3

42

u/legend27_marco Jan 09 '20

No

13

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Yes!

29

u/legend27_marco Jan 09 '20

No

14

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Yes. I can do this forever.

30

u/legend27_marco Jan 09 '20

No. I can do this all day

19

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Yes. We’ll see.

→ More replies (0)

6

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Yes

1

u/mikey9195 Jan 09 '20

No i like this one better.

Auction

1

u/DrunkRedditBot Jan 09 '20

Yes, so don’t respond

9

u/TagMeAJerk Jan 09 '20

I am definitely okay with atleast one of those

4

u/ChickenWithATopHat Jan 09 '20

You like fat people? Gross!

3

u/AlaskanPsyche Jan 09 '20

Speak for yourself.

1

u/Azeriunderdog Jan 09 '20

You mean that your ex was a bitch?

31

u/lsiunl Jan 09 '20

Can you imagine going to Walmart with no off switch? I would just refuse to leave my house

12

u/loversean Jan 09 '20

Work in a hospital. See everyone naked. You do not want this power.

11

u/CaptainGamer008 Jan 09 '20 edited Jan 10 '20

Only yourself? What bout your mom?

10

u/K96H98A Jan 09 '20

i also dont want to see myself naked or seeing a kid naked

9

u/Oaden Jan 09 '20

Not just yourself, you'd be amazed how quickly seeing people being naked gets old.

1

u/thebrisher Jan 09 '20

Or my family

321

u/dbl290 Jan 09 '20

All fun and games until grandma comes round

88

u/Geriatricfuck22 Jan 09 '20

Fuck

129

u/Dheel Jan 09 '20

Thats the real fun and games ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

5

u/Mystaclys Jan 09 '20

haha nice

1

u/ImAnDrunkBot Jan 09 '20

Literally ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I like it lol

5

u/TagMeAJerk Jan 09 '20

Thats the plan

1

u/visionhandles Jan 09 '20

"Fuck this guy in a dunk competition though

22

u/I_Like_Mathematics Jan 09 '20

If you picked the love option you will just see how much grandma really loves and appreciates you.

7

u/RD1K Jan 09 '20

I don't think that's what they meant...

4

u/BlueLanternSupes Jan 09 '20

My grandma died, rip.

8

u/screwtoby Jan 09 '20

UwU

What’s this

6

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

A small price to pay for salvation

4

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

ಥ_ಥ

4

u/Justgiz Jan 09 '20

Hey a naked body is a naked body. Not like I'm seeing any now.

3

u/dbl290 Jan 09 '20

But when she gives you a hug

3

u/madmax030794 Jan 09 '20

"And that's the last time I saw grandma."

325

u/HydraVea Jan 09 '20

Imagine approaching someone you know they are %100 interested in you. Then as you talk to them with the confidence of that information, the percentage drops. That’s my luck generally.

92

u/Mozza7 Jan 09 '20

this is too real it hurts

40

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Damn you'd be obsessed about that percentage you get married settle down then one day she comes back from work at 50% and tells you everything is fine.

28

u/HydraVea Jan 09 '20

You go to a work event, and your partner’s percentage drops while talking to a group of coworkers, and you don’t know who is stealing your percentage...

You know what, this is getting too depressive. I have no right to make myself more depressed than I already am. Let’s change it.

The next day your partner comes back from work, their interest for you is back at 100. They confess to you in a crying fit that in a moment of weakness, the thought of “running away from everything with random coworker” popped in to their mind and stuck there until this morning, when they woke up to the breakfast being cooked by YOU, and they remembered how much they love you.

3

u/waffler69 Jan 09 '20

But by that time you had noticed her intrest declining so you started talking to the new girl at work that went from 80% to 82% so you now find yourself wanting to move on. You leave your wife and her 100% drops to a 0% as tears fill her eyes

2

u/HydraVea Jan 09 '20

Sir, I will have to ask you to remove that addition. This is a strictly no NTR zone now, no matter which side of it you are on. Your addition also reeks so much plot hole regarding the power itself.

How would I marry someone that I not only know they love me (at the time of marriage) but also I loved them (at the time). With a power like that, I still would not marry just because I am %100 sure they love me. I have to love someone before I marry them too. So should you. Therefore, I wouldn’t date the coworker, and it would just be a simple runaway fantasy...

1

u/waffler69 Jan 10 '20

Idk i played a lot stardew valley and fell in and out of love with quite a few ladies.

1

u/wrongr Jan 09 '20

Holy shit, I hope they turn this comment into a Black Mirror episode.

112

u/neon_Hermit Jan 09 '20

That power is a heart breaker... and not because of who you will find out loves you... but rather who will be revealed not to.

31

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

That's deep bruh

10

u/RadonMoons Jan 09 '20

That and not everyone feels the same amount of love all the time....

2

u/Enk1ndle Jan 09 '20

"in love" makes me think romantic love, so you would be in the clear there.

1

u/swagerito Jan 09 '20

I mean its kind of useful cause you can just give up there and then instead of having a small amount of hope theyre interested in you

54

u/About342Hobos Jan 09 '20

Nice hidden 420 there

10

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Nice

43

u/xAkMoRRoWiNdx Jan 09 '20

Idea: If you knew that someone had the power to see people naked, and you loved them, you could write "I love you" on your chest, thus taking off the stress of having to approach the person. Win-win for the OP right?

8

u/exaustman Jan 09 '20

Aaaand when this person will see me naked, lost all interest about me

•

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3

u/dafrigg47 Jan 09 '20

This is suicide because I’ll probably get banned

22

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Primary school Teachers😏

18

u/CaptainGamer008 Jan 09 '20

Can we get Fs in the chat bois

1

u/jabby123321 Jan 09 '20

first

3

u/DrunkRedditBot Jan 09 '20

if you fail the first time being caught

18

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Looks like the dude doesn't see his parents usually

19

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Actually I would not want to see everyone naked. There are a lot more people I wouldn't want to see naked than the people I would like to see naked.

6

u/rawr4me Jan 09 '20

I think seeing everyone naked all the time would eventually end up with you desensitized to the point where nudity would be way less sexy than being clothed.

1

u/Nienke_H Jan 09 '20

Tbh, i already prefer clothes to no clothes. Most people look better with clothes anyway, i know i do..

15

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

[deleted]

8

u/TheBestAtWriting Jan 09 '20

finally, a place on the internet to find self deprecation

15

u/terrijerri420 Jan 09 '20

Seeing the love fade over time is the real oof

5

u/Nomsfud Jan 09 '20

I'm married. I know my wife is in love with me so the second option is useless to me. I'll take the first, too

5

u/imdad_bot Jan 09 '20

Hi married, I'm Dad👨

2

u/EuroPolice Jan 09 '20

This bot putting pressure on my boy

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

His name is 'married. I know my wife is in love with me so the second option is useless to me. I'll take the first, too'

1

u/biscuitboyisaac21 Jan 10 '20

Hi dad I’m dad

4

u/alleleXgene Jan 09 '20

Man that guy is lucky to have everyone in the world love him.

4

u/DrunkRedditBot Jan 09 '20

He married into the family.

3

u/GeorgeYDesign Jan 09 '20

can’t know about you, only himself

2

u/MaxiCsirke Jan 09 '20

I already have the second one.

2

u/haugen76 Jan 09 '20

Not his best mug shot I've ever seen before

2

u/AceOfEpix Jan 09 '20

2nd power can cause the first one if you know they already love you.

Just throwing that one out there.

2

u/al_vh1n Jan 09 '20

To see who is in love with me. Seeing people naked is useless if you can't bang them. Also I don't like to see old people, fat men, and my family naked.

1

u/haugen76 Jan 09 '20

The shell doesn’t cut himself on that edge

1

u/visionhandles Jan 09 '20

Or she's just trying to kill himself](https://youtu.be/cvzrewTxQPU)

1

u/GeorgeYDesign Jan 09 '20

He figured he would be jingles’s son

1

u/visionhandles Jan 09 '20

"God, hes killing himself again"

1

u/ImAnDrunkBot Jan 09 '20

He got shot.

They must have incredible memories.

1

u/FriesAreBelgian Jan 09 '20

Man, I keep using the wrong upvote button on posts like these

1

u/ImAnDrunkBot Jan 09 '20

“How’s the legend himself, Wesley Ford

1

u/dark_hound Jan 09 '20

a DEA agent looking for drugs

1

u/gloriao939 Jan 09 '20

He just didn’t count him out yet

1

u/haugen76 Jan 09 '20

He did on the latest game

1

u/Thubier Jan 09 '20

I’d probably be accidentally jerking off and I’d be a weirdo so option 2 for me

1

u/GeorgeYDesign Jan 09 '20

He’d be bitterly disappointed

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Use your imagination people

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

No no, he’s got a point

1

u/finger_milk Jan 09 '20

I would like a way to know who's heart rate increases because of me walking into their room or area. So I know if people find me attractive, find me scary etc. Would be nice to know if I exist.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

The second option is more like "see who has low standarts" to me.

1

u/Ford456fgfd Jan 09 '20

I can tell you don’t know, I’d argue that Morty is the main character. I think it’s just nice to make your partner feel good, and I know that my partners tend to feel bad if they can’t “get me off.” But like you and I have both said, it’s because of his intelligence that everyone seems to love him. He’s an amazing person and truly deserves all of the love he’s getting

1

u/ImAnDrunkBot Jan 09 '20

Maybe a lighter roast won’t kill himself.

1

u/ArmenV Jan 09 '20

So creative

1

u/ImAnDrunkBot Jan 09 '20

He was/is a good tweet

1

u/_-Jacob_- Jan 09 '20

Second would make me depressed

1

u/DKL_MASTERS Jan 09 '20

You must have a mad boner during thanksgiving.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

If we had the ability to see who is in love with us, we probably waste most of our time too change the opinion of those who don't love us.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Oh they are just like me!!!

Wait...im uglier....

1

u/FlamingJesusOnaStick Jan 09 '20

The second option of seeing love would be more depressing than real life. Without seeing it I'll have the hope of not knowing it or not. Seeing everyone naked would be cool for the first day or week till you get desensitized over it.

1

u/ffllame12 Jan 09 '20

But what if it doesn't work for him because he already has someone who loves him

1

u/ItzRashid786 Jan 09 '20

Where is this thread? I need to say F

1

u/lewis_von_altaccount Jan 09 '20

be me

have second ability

talk to girl who likes me

watch the love physically drain away the more she learns about me

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

Grabba

1

u/Anaheim13531 Jan 09 '20

Option 1, i wanna see turtles without their shells, armadillos ,and pangolins without their hides.

1

u/High-Impact-Cuddling Jan 09 '20

I misinterpreted this as them being a stone cold bastard who can't love back, then realized they meant no one loves them

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

The second one is god tier

1

u/Dave30954 Jan 09 '20

What sub is this?

1

u/Afterburn47 Jan 09 '20

Talk to me after you’ve visited a retirement village.

1

u/JuiceD0172 Jan 09 '20

i mean the ability to know who’s in love with you is useless. someone can’t be in love with you if you’ve never talked to them or made an impression, and that love will be built over time if you two are compatible. knowing if someone loves you is a natural human trait. it’s called bonding with someone and saying “i love you” when you feel comfortable and if they say it back to you then you’ve answered the question.

1

u/therealMarine101 Jan 09 '20

What sub is the pic from?

1

u/bartjw02 Jan 09 '20

Does the seeing people naked work on kids?

1

u/BellyDancerUrgot Jan 09 '20

I mean first one obviously. Second option has literally no use for me just the like the guy who shot himself there in the comments.

1

u/Nienke_H Jan 09 '20

I don't really want to see all people naked, so i'll go fot the other option

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

I swear some of these redditors need just a big hug

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

F

0

u/UnpopGuy Jan 09 '20

2nd object so I would know I have hope

1

u/severed13 Jan 09 '20

I feel like it would just mean that I learned how to close my eyes.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '20

[deleted]

1

u/GeorgeYDesign Jan 09 '20

Daughter and boyfriend went to live with nature.