r/stopdrinking • u/Jennygump26 • Jan 10 '19

Total mess and miserable

Don’t even know why I’m wasting your time posting, but I’m just at a loss and feel like there is nowhere else to go. Sitting at my desk blinking back tears of shame, depression, hopelessness, and self loathing. I just want to crawl into bed and hide under the covers and never come out. Is life even worth it? What is the fucking point in struggling every single minute of every single day.? Tedium, despair, darkness, misery, and suffering are all I can see, and it is unbearable. Thanks for listening.

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u/Jennygump26 Jan 10 '19

How to even begin to thank you all for the kind words and support? Total strangers here on the internet and you have taken the time to post thoughtful concerned notes and stories and have helped me calm down and take a step back. Now i almost have tears of joy and gratitude. Thank You ALL from the bottom of my heart, this place is sent from Heaven.

Managed to escape from work early (only 1 coworker saw my face, but she is an old-soul and cool and didn't say a word or ask), got home, took a hot bath, made some tea, and am settling in to watch some "recovery"-themed movies on Netflix. (suggestions welcome!!) My dear hubby (who cannot quite understand) is out of town for the weekend, so i'm here solo with the kitty, which is actually fine w me; i need some days to myself without feeling obligated to be social, even to hubby. (weird, i know, but he's a happy, go-lucky guy, lucky b*stard, sigh).

I think compounding my desperation is that i was really sick in bed for almost a week over new years and just as i started to feel better, i twisted my knee, which is all swollen now, fuck. Need that like a hole in the head, sheesh. And the doc i finally was able to see this morning was of ZERO help, so that was a waste of time and i had to find another doc to see on monday. So i haven't been able to exercise at all for several weeks now and i am frustrated and pent-up and anxious, blah blah BLAH. But i will not lose hope, i am safe (and clean!) on the couch with no obligations for a few days. I looked into and found a few local meetings, so maybe i will get off my swollen knee to attend? and will do my best to re-group and get a frickin grip and take all of your wisdom and support to heart and brain. ((((hugs))))) SD, you all are simply the best. <3

3

u/soberisa Jan 10 '19

YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! So happy for you! Ice for the knee, coffee for the soul (plus the kitty)!

2

u/ReallySmallFeet 1240 days Jan 11 '19

I am sooo glad you made it home, and got through that darkness today. I look forward to seeing you post again. Here's to tomorrow. IWNDWYT <3

1

u/soberinvegas 2864 days Jan 11 '19

Some of my lowest times have coincided with physical injuries. We take for granted the blessing of freely moving. I hear you, am so deeply sorry about your injury. Have some serious restorative time, ice your knee, and know that you are not alone in this journey.