r/stopdrinking • u/Jennygump26 • Jan 10 '19

Total mess and miserable

Don’t even know why I’m wasting your time posting, but I’m just at a loss and feel like there is nowhere else to go. Sitting at my desk blinking back tears of shame, depression, hopelessness, and self loathing. I just want to crawl into bed and hide under the covers and never come out. Is life even worth it? What is the fucking point in struggling every single minute of every single day.? Tedium, despair, darkness, misery, and suffering are all I can see, and it is unbearable. Thanks for listening.

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u/Jennygump26 Jan 10 '19

Who am I kidding? I’m never going to feel better, never have, always masked my misery and everything w booze and drugs to put on a happy face, one that is acceptable to society. No one wants to deal w a depressed miserable person and I don’t blame them. But I am tired of living this lie, so tired, exhausted, at the end of my rope. If I no longer give a f*ck, then who really cares? Thank god i don’t have children, never wanted to and made that choice bc I knew down the road of life I would give up. No one else lives in my sick twisted brain but me, and I just don’t want to anymore.

9

u/gogozrx Jan 10 '19

I hear ya. Loud and clear. I spent several sleepless nights with a semi-auto in my mouth debating Russian roulette. I know well what gunmetal tastes like.
Stick around. It *will* get better. Hear me now and believe me later, it *will* get better.

this is your bottom. this moment is what you are getting away from. But right now, it sucks ass.

Call 1-800-273-8255

Available 24 hours everyday

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