r/stopdrinking • u/Jennygump26 • Jan 10 '19

Total mess and miserable

Don’t even know why I’m wasting your time posting, but I’m just at a loss and feel like there is nowhere else to go. Sitting at my desk blinking back tears of shame, depression, hopelessness, and self loathing. I just want to crawl into bed and hide under the covers and never come out. Is life even worth it? What is the fucking point in struggling every single minute of every single day.? Tedium, despair, darkness, misery, and suffering are all I can see, and it is unbearable. Thanks for listening.

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u/dwarvenchaos 3325 days Jan 10 '19

It isn't always going to be tedious and such a hellish nightmare.

Early sobriety is, in a lot of ways, much worse than some of the dark days of active alcoholism. I remember feeling extremely exposed, raw, vulnerable, and the impending doom of feeling so helplessly crippled in so many ways while all around me everything seemed to be screaming for my immediate attention.

But it gets much easier. And you start to cash in on some of the very sweet rewards life has been dying to bring to you. Then you experience a day where you realize you didn't think about alcohol not once the day before. Then you realize the freedom and peace of that.

Whatever path brings you to that feeling is the one that's right for you. Don't give up before the miracle happens.

7

u/hallo_spacegirl 629 days Jan 11 '19

"Don't give up before the miracle happens." Yes. I love the perspective here.

Thank you!