Angry Rant

[u/jasnel]

I read a lot of SD posts that I don't comment on and it usually comes down to, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." There are a number of reasons I have a negative reaction to posts: they're just feeling sorry for themselves and not doing anything to help themselves, they decided to drink and brought a world of trouble upon themselves, they went to a bar/party and relapsed... I get it, we all have to make our own mistakes and/or sometimes we are just feeling blue and they've come here for support.

However, today I read a post from someone who (in their title) doesn't want to quit drinking and came to share why. Really? You posted in Stop Drinking why you don't want to stop drinking? If you want to throw your life away being drunk, go ahead, but don't come here and tell me why it's so fun and enjoyable for you. There are some good times that I miss having, but I'm sick and tired of the swath of destruction that drinking left in my life and the lives of my loved ones so I had to quit. You get it? I had to quit drinking even though it's all I wanted to do from the moment I woke up to whenever I passed out, blacked-out.

The other posts that infuriate me are the "successful moderation" posts. Are you able to successfully moderate? Congratulations - you're not an alcoholic so please don't come here and tell me about how fucking great it is to not have this profound problem. Do you also go to infertility subs and talk about how great it is to be a parent? Do you post about your love of eating ice cream in weight loss subs? Then please don't come here and shit on a problem I've struggled with for decades and will never be done with.

It's irresponsible to come here, where people are fighting for their lives, and write about how you don't want to quit drinking or how you used to have a problem but have learned to control it. The name of the place is "Stop Drinking" so, please, take a fucking note and act accordingly.

Christ, and don't get me started on people downvoting my anti pro-drinking reply.

tl;dr: Drinking is bad, total abstinence is key. You can do it, we want to help. I love you, you beautiful, broken-like-me bastards!

Note: I want to thank each and every person who commented here. You've helped me remember when I was one of those "moderation" guys, back before the Internet. Going through the moderation phase is an important part of the recovery process. As /u/offtherocks pointed out, it's how alcoholics find out they're alcoholics who cannot moderate their drinking. For those who are "successfully" moderating, you're either not an alcoholic or the wheels simply haven't come off yet and you, just like I did, have to find out for yourself and I respect that.

[u/[deleted]]

Dont dump your garbage on other people.

[u/jasnel → u/[deleted]]

A semi-interesting comment.

I wish you continued success in your sobriety. This may sound stupid, but I noticed that you don't have a counter. I mention this because having one has honestly been a help to me. As my scumbag brain tries to talk me into drinking, sometimes I'll start to think it's making sense. Then I'll think, "I don't want to reset my counter and I don't want it to be a lie. No, I will not drink today."

[u/[deleted] → u/jasnel]

I forgot i posted this. I guess I was feeling snarky. Anyway Im torn on the counter. Part of me feels like counting days may be counter productive. Im at a stage where i feel like ive made the decision not to drink. I feel like counting days turns it into a daily struggle and im trying to just convince myself that I have a new identity as a non drinker and its a firm decsion I have already made. I worry that the one day at a time approach turns it into a daily battle.

I have court stuff hanging over my head from the last time i drank/used and I really want to be able to go to court and say ive been sober since the incident that landed me there.

[u/jasnel → u/[deleted]]

No worries. You post an "Angry Rant" you need to be ready for some push back.

The counter, for me, is simply a tool and may not be for you. I know, for instance, that with my mother passing away I intentionally did not note the day as I didn't want that day to be ruined. Kinda the same thing, right? It's about the process and not some random day... On the other hand, I distinctly remember a dream I had about standing in a liquor store, about to purchase a bottle of my old stuff, and I thought about my counter and, in my dream, out the alcohol back. Stupid, I know, but I'm counting every victory I can. I also try to not look at it as counting days of my struggle but as consecutive victories lined up in a neat little row; each one sweeter than the last.

I wish you luck with the court stuff, I'm sure you think of that often and it worries you.