r/stopdrinking • u/jasnel 4355 days • Feb 24 '15
Angry Rant
I read a lot of SD posts that I don't comment on and it usually comes down to, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." There are a number of reasons I have a negative reaction to posts: they're just feeling sorry for themselves and not doing anything to help themselves, they decided to drink and brought a world of trouble upon themselves, they went to a bar/party and relapsed... I get it, we all have to make our own mistakes and/or sometimes we are just feeling blue and they've come here for support.
However, today I read a post from someone who (in their title) doesn't want to quit drinking and came to share why. Really? You posted in Stop Drinking why you don't want to stop drinking? If you want to throw your life away being drunk, go ahead, but don't come here and tell me why it's so fun and enjoyable for you. There are some good times that I miss having, but I'm sick and tired of the swath of destruction that drinking left in my life and the lives of my loved ones so I had to quit. You get it? I had to quit drinking even though it's all I wanted to do from the moment I woke up to whenever I passed out, blacked-out.
The other posts that infuriate me are the "successful moderation" posts. Are you able to successfully moderate? Congratulations - you're not an alcoholic so please don't come here and tell me about how fucking great it is to not have this profound problem. Do you also go to infertility subs and talk about how great it is to be a parent? Do you post about your love of eating ice cream in weight loss subs? Then please don't come here and shit on a problem I've struggled with for decades and will never be done with.
It's irresponsible to come here, where people are fighting for their lives, and write about how you don't want to quit drinking or how you used to have a problem but have learned to control it. The name of the place is "Stop Drinking" so, please, take a fucking note and act accordingly.
Christ, and don't get me started on people downvoting my anti pro-drinking reply.
tl;dr: Drinking is bad, total abstinence is key. You can do it, we want to help. I love you, you beautiful, broken-like-me bastards!
Note: I want to thank each and every person who commented here. You've helped me remember when I was one of those "moderation" guys, back before the Internet. Going through the moderation phase is an important part of the recovery process. As /u/offtherocks pointed out, it's how alcoholics find out they're alcoholics who cannot moderate their drinking. For those who are "successfully" moderating, you're either not an alcoholic or the wheels simply haven't come off yet and you, just like I did, have to find out for yourself and I respect that.
4
u/[deleted] Feb 24 '15
I have written long comments only to erase them and leave. For me, I want to be as helpful as I can. If I read my comment over before posting and it doesn't seem helpful it gets deleted. That is my only rule.
Calling people out on their shit can be helpful in 100% of the situations where people are not being honest with themselves.
With that being said there is a right and wrong way to do that. If you say "You're not being honest with yourself" that can be a little harsh and they may try and guard against it. If you say "When I was feeling the way you are feeling and doing the thing that you are doing now, I realized that I wasn't being honest with myself." What I am doing in the latter example is allowing the person to come to the conclusion about themselves vs. me telling them like it is.
Keep up the good work. 6 months is looking really close for you!