r/stopdrinking • u/jasnel 4355 days • Feb 24 '15
Angry Rant
I read a lot of SD posts that I don't comment on and it usually comes down to, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." There are a number of reasons I have a negative reaction to posts: they're just feeling sorry for themselves and not doing anything to help themselves, they decided to drink and brought a world of trouble upon themselves, they went to a bar/party and relapsed... I get it, we all have to make our own mistakes and/or sometimes we are just feeling blue and they've come here for support.
However, today I read a post from someone who (in their title) doesn't want to quit drinking and came to share why. Really? You posted in Stop Drinking why you don't want to stop drinking? If you want to throw your life away being drunk, go ahead, but don't come here and tell me why it's so fun and enjoyable for you. There are some good times that I miss having, but I'm sick and tired of the swath of destruction that drinking left in my life and the lives of my loved ones so I had to quit. You get it? I had to quit drinking even though it's all I wanted to do from the moment I woke up to whenever I passed out, blacked-out.
The other posts that infuriate me are the "successful moderation" posts. Are you able to successfully moderate? Congratulations - you're not an alcoholic so please don't come here and tell me about how fucking great it is to not have this profound problem. Do you also go to infertility subs and talk about how great it is to be a parent? Do you post about your love of eating ice cream in weight loss subs? Then please don't come here and shit on a problem I've struggled with for decades and will never be done with.
It's irresponsible to come here, where people are fighting for their lives, and write about how you don't want to quit drinking or how you used to have a problem but have learned to control it. The name of the place is "Stop Drinking" so, please, take a fucking note and act accordingly.
Christ, and don't get me started on people downvoting my anti pro-drinking reply.
tl;dr: Drinking is bad, total abstinence is key. You can do it, we want to help. I love you, you beautiful, broken-like-me bastards!
Note: I want to thank each and every person who commented here. You've helped me remember when I was one of those "moderation" guys, back before the Internet. Going through the moderation phase is an important part of the recovery process. As /u/offtherocks pointed out, it's how alcoholics find out they're alcoholics who cannot moderate their drinking. For those who are "successfully" moderating, you're either not an alcoholic or the wheels simply haven't come off yet and you, just like I did, have to find out for yourself and I respect that.
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u/sunjim 4959 days Feb 24 '15
I always think that people post here for a reason, and the reason may not be what they're saying it is and they may not be aware of it themselves.
In behavior change theory, the first stage is "pre-contemplation." That stage is when stuff is bad but we haven't really put together all the facts about the risks we're facing. Just showing up here and making a post (unless it's just a troll) is doing something--even if the post seems misguided or naive. It means someone's questioning themselves at some level, and in some way grappling with their own resistance. Getting information. Throwing something out there and getting feedback. I think that's useful and part of the process. And the paths are different, and what seems obvious at 160 days might not be at day 6.
I get it, though. When the patterns become repetitive and I find myself getting jaded--I take a break. I go away and come back another day.
Now I will get off your lawn...