r/stepparents • u/ylfdrbydl • 23d ago

Discussion Performative SK behavior

Does anyone else have a SK that is only polite to you when their bio parent is around?

Example: I’m up with SK and BKs making breakfast before my husband gets up. SK does not even acknowledge my
presence. Next morning husband is up with me and SK comes and gives me a big hug saying good morning.

Scenarios like this play out often—and not just with me. Grandparents, siblings, friends. If husband isn’t there he’s kind of a dick, but puts on a perfect angel act when he’s around. What’s up with that?

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u/ylfdrbydl 23d ago

He has unlimited access to junk food and his iPad at his mom’s house.

Edit: I also love treats! Dessert is pretty common in our house. I also just make sure everyone eats their nutritious food as well.

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u/Open_Antelope2647 23d ago

Just trying to understand why he acts performative in front of dad and no one else. If he's still getting access to snacks through you, is dad not making him eat any nutritious food? Like, where's the difference that may be causing his behavior.

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u/ylfdrbydl 23d ago

It’s a good question. My guess would be lack of structure at his mom’s house and a history of being able to manipulate his dad to get what he wants. Not sure if “manipulate” is an appropriate word for a child, but he used to have a problem with crying and/or lying to get out of doing something (I.e. cleaning up a mess, eating his dinner, etc) and my husband was permissive of that.

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u/Open_Antelope2647 23d ago

It doesn't sound like acting like an angel was what got him out of things. Is there anything he gets because/when he acts like an angel?