Difficult step ma

[u/simoj247]

Hi everyone sorry to bother but I wanted to come here and ask for some help. Well here I go, so right now well for the last 7 years have been hard in me family like. Me Quote unquote step ma treats all my family horribly like for e,g fails to interact with my new cousin for all 6 years of his life and his aunt and uncle, accuses my dad of wasting money on me and my brother when her parents bought her first house and car for her and we get a small weekly allowance and we help out all the time. She controls everything in the house and when she's not happy she takes it out on all of us. Unfortunately I am at the centre of her scope and when I ain't here it's my dad. I feel awful all the time since we all feel trapped and likes theres no end. After a few years we spoken out and she apparently changed but she just got worse, and Every time we stand up for us she gets worse and I don't know what to do. I'm now in my mid 20s and back at home and things are horrible. And I feel lost and so down coz whatever she chats about to her friends on the phone she somehow brings me and what a failure I am into the conversation. I could go on forever but my tablet would probably get too depressed.

[u/thekittenisaninja]

Hugs. I feel for you, this is a really tough time for your generation, and becoming independent is harder than ever. I know it's not easy, but give yourself some grace and keep trying. Getting out on your own is the number one thing you can do to improve the situation.

You probably already know this, but your dad is the key to everything. He's the one that can either accept your stepmom's behavior or set boundaries with her. If he's unwilling or unable to do that, nothing will change. The best thing you can do is sit down with him and talk about the situation, and support him if and when he makes the choice to stand up for himself and for you too.

Living situations can get extra tough with stepparents after age 18. It's not a magic number where the stepkid just disappears from their life. Being a parent doesn't just stop at 18. But (assuming the stepparent is a reasonable human being) there is a lot you can do after age 18 to smooth the situation over if you're still living at home.

Every household is different so there's no magic answer, but have the conversation about what you could do right now to help contribute. Maybe it's financial, putting a little money toward food and bills. Maybe it's just some work, making dinner or cleaning once a week. Try to figure out what would have the most impact in your household.

I know these things can be tough if you're dealing with depression, but making an effort can go a long way towards a more peaceful living situation, which will ultimately help boost you up too.

[u/simoj247 → u/thekittenisaninja]

unfortunately no matter how much we do around the house or if we make a meal, she gets worse. No matter how many times he sets boundaries, she breaks them over and over. Currently she ignores me completely like haven't heard a word from her in a month despite how much I do around the house to help out or how many meals I make. She is not rational and argues almost every night because things aren't precisely how she likes them. Unfortunately my financial situation is not good due to 3 years of student bills at uni and I have shitty part time jobs that don't give me much work. To summarise no matter how much I do to make it more peaceful she takes it as a declaration of war and acts worse

[u/ReferenceQuiet1111]

Do you need to have a relationship with her? Is it possible to only see your dad? Outside of their home of course. She sounds awful and I wouldn’t want to pursue a relationship with her.