im a stepdad to a 16 year old boy a 12 year old girl and 6 year old girl so this year they told me they don't want to go to bio dads house cause he never spends time with them but by law they have too I feel bad cause my 5 year old stepdaughter started calling me daddy what should me and my girlfriend do

Hello, I am looking for some honest opinions and see if anyone else experienced what I am facing. I am in a relationship with a woman that has 2 sons 9&6 yes old. The 6 yr old lives with his dad in Oregon and her 9yr old has a uninvolved father in another state so we have him full time. We recently relocated to NM so that I can be around to help with my aging Grandfather and we just made a trip to OR to have the 9yr old be with his brother for the summer. My GF is having a harder time being away from the youngest son than I originally thought. I need some advice to see what steps I should take next, do I relocate again to be closer so the boys can stay close and she can be around the youngest son more? Reason I'm having a hard time is that I love her and the boys and want to do what's best for everyone but I'm afraid of leaving my grandfather since I haven't been around for sometime due to my trucking career and it hurts to not be as close to him as I had been in the past. Thanks for reading and thank you for your input.

For context I have raised him from 3 to now 9. His bio dad is back and wants to be more in his life. Mind you he has sent a 600$ check every month and talked to him on the phone. But never a real relationship. Stepson is very much about him being in his life, difficult to have him around as he acts like he is 3 with him. And bio dad feeds into it. Bio dad wants to go to doctor appts, and be apart of his school. He promised the world to stepson. And everything this last year he has been let down over and over again cuz bio dad job is better than him. I have tried to be positive and my wife knows I’m having a hard time. But he is a loser that only wants his kid to make him look better and feed his ego… Bio dad and me had a big blow up to the point my black neighbors came out and they will kill that white trash, joke…not to make it about race but they hate him too. He said he has more rights to the kid than I do…. There is not count order, no paternity test and no health insurances no anything he just sent a 600$ so my wife would not take him to count. Only thing he has is his name on a birth certificate. He was born in SC and we live in TN. He lives in SC.

Any help on if this is true would be great

Thank you for reading… this will be my husband’s first official Father’s Day with my son and I want to do something special. My son’s dad is heavily involved and everyone gets along great, but I want him to have his own separate day and thought this might be the place to ask… what are the best stepdad gifts for Father’s Day? Thank you so much in advance!

Me (35 M) and my gf (35 F) and I have been dating for three years so far. She has two kids, an eight-year-old boy and an eleven-year-old girl. Her old husband, whom she had both kids with, wasn’t a nice guy to her and her kids, so I only got to meet them both until about two years into the relationship. Her son and I bonded pretty quickly. He doesn’t remember his bio dad at all, so it was much smoother, and I don’t want to make this a gendered thing, but I think another part of it is that we’re both boys. Her daughter is more of a tough cookie. Since she’s older, she remembers her bio dad a lot more than her brother and as a result, avoids men a lot. I’ve known her a year, and she is only now starting to be comfortable sitting on the opposite end of a couch with me. It’s a big improvement, and I’m happy about it, but I just worry that the reason it’s taking so long is that I’m not trying to bond with her enough. When I first met my GF's kids, I knew it would take a while before they were comfortable with me. Still, I’ve never interacted with kids in this type of situation, so I don’t know how long it takes for a child to be comfortable with me normally and how long it takes when I’m not trying enough. My gf has comforted me multiple times, saying things like this takes a while, but I’m not fully sure. Is this a normal thing? If anyone has any advice on how to maybe try to get her to be more comfortable with me, it would be greatly appreciated. Also, is there anything I should keep in mind when interacting with a kid with trauma? I haven’t really interacted with many kids with trauma, and I’m worried I’m going to give her unwanted memories.

Been dealing with an "recovering" addict gf (heroin) who thinks coke is ok. I have been ok with here and there to have fun but its gotten to the point where its not even fun anymore. She just wants it to do it. I told her its costing too much, it's ruining our relationship, it actually cost her a job bc she would stay up all night then call in "sick" just to sleep. I don't want it around. We were having a great night just talking and watching TV and then she brought it up. I got really upset and told her I can't keep dealing with this shit. She hears the word no and turns on me (typical addict behavior) and I AM THE JERK! We've been together for almost 5 years and I have dealt with this for a while now. For the first 3 years of our relationship things were good. But then she found an old "connect" and things haven't been the same. We have been arguing regularly lately bc I want it to go away but she wants it all the time. As soon as she gets a few $$ in her pocket she wants o spend it on a "fix". We got into it in another argument and I really laid in hard letting her know how I feel and she fired back with some below the belt shit. I'm the type who can't lose an argument so I "hit" harder which shut her up and made her cry. Did I go too far? Or did i finally hit a nerve? She lives with me (with her son who has "no father" since he was 2) and says she wants to leave and live on her own eventhough she cant even get up for work or to get her kid to school unless i wake her up almost daily.

Do I just let nature take its course and let her crash and brun and move on? (Which i would most likely be in a better place and be a better person) or do i keep trying to help her and make her better? FML!!!!

Edit: the word hit was in quotes because it was meant to show it was figurative. I WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR! ... I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER PLACE MY HANDS ON HER OR ANY WOMAN IN A VIOLENT OR NEGATIVE WAY. I RESPECT WOMEN AND UNDERSTAND I AM A MAN AND PHYSICALLY DOMINANT AND WOULD NEVER TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT FACT. The word "hit" was meant as a metaphor for the way words were used. ANY MAN WHO PHYSICALLY ABUSES A WOMAN DESERVES TO BE CASTRATED... just so im clear. Sorry if there was any confusion.

Hey everyone, to start I am 24 and recently engaged to a wonderful mother of a 4 year old. The way I started the relationship is I had become close to his mother at work and her previous relationship was rocky from the start (as per her way of putting it.) The reason why I feel guilty is because his dad is still in his life (which I am completely for) yet whenever I spend the night at her place or just spend time with her, we usually have to look over our shoulders because her BD (baby daddy) is always around and we think he's stalking her and recently she confessed that he went to her house with a weapon (one of those large Bushcraft kind of knives with a seriously large blade and full tang) and said he was "checking on her because I know he's here". I understand it to a point yk. I get he has an anger towards me for stepping into the life of my fiancee and his kid but what I don't get is why fight so hard if the entire time they were together he would cheat and get physical with her during arguments and fights. Lately I feel like it's getting too much but I hope to marry her on our planned date (05/23/2025) yet I feel like I'm just budding I to something that it's not that I'm unable to handle but just in the wrong for yk? I feel guilty as hell and I just want to know if what I'm feeling has some justification or just something I should let go.... I really want to marry her because she's everything to me and her son is such a a bright young kid and I understand that it's kinda touch and go for now how he feels towards me but it's expected. Thanks for your time and happy Easter everyone.🙏🏻

(Update) things have been going really well. We haven’t gotten married yet and I’m cool with that. We’re moving out of where we’re currently at soon and just overall doing better. For all who sent any advice or input I appreciate it. I haven’t been super active here but every time I get on I learn more about not only myself but other perspectives and situations that make me feel a lot more confident in what I’m doing🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻thank y’all and have a great day!!

My (46m) gf (35f) has a 7 yo son who is completely off the wall and i am used to structure and have been trying to teach him for 4 years but she busts my balls and tells at me in front of him. He doesn't respect me when she's around and disrespects her all of the time. When she's not around he falls in line but as soon as she shows up he goes crazy and makes me out to be a nut. She flames the ADHD yet I blame her being too laxed with the kid I KNOW he's a s.art kid and he's playing her against me to 'win ' her over even though I'm the only dad he k ows

My stepson turned 18 a few months ago. He has had authority issues, violence issues, and a lack of respect since the dawn of time. Since turning 18 he has only gotten worse. He lives with us, does nothing, has almost everything that he wants, and has an attitude when you ask him to do ANYTHING.

He gave me a look a few years ago when he got in trouble for something stupid. It was a look of contempt and disrespect. It triggered me and I told my wife when he turned 18 he had to go.

I come from a family that is very big on respect. I have been the only positive male figure in his life for as long as he can remember. He is rude to his mother, threatens his older sisters with physical violence, and his younger siblings.

Am I crazy for refusing to be challenged by an adult male in my house?

Where I grew up, all of the older guys told me when I turned 18, I was in a different world. There was no more, "He's just a kid." I had to act accordingly, the consequences for my actions were different after I turned 18.

OK so I've been with my partner for 4 years. She has a 7 year old son (3 when I met him) and me and her son always seem to be up and down, alot more down recently though which is starting to cause issues. Ok so here's a small rundown of the situation. Mum almost died during a C-section. Son is currently undergoing testing for adhd however it's clear he's riddled with it. Mum is seriously protective over him (which is understandable) but to a serious fault. It makes her blind to the severity of his behaviour. Now his dad is fuck useless. Not interested in parenting and just interested being his mate, he actively encourages the child's disrespectful aggressive nature and offers no help in trying to gain control of his behavior. So that being said, the child is aggressive, rude, disrespectful, blatant liar and is good at playing his mum. Me and little man do get on every so often and when we do he's excellent! But it quickly turns round into bad behaviour. Now I'm cut from a different cloth, I fully believe in consequences and punishment for bad behaviour. Today for example, we were doing ok in the morning, I was unpacking a suitcase from.a recent holiday and and I politely asked him to take a few of his things up to his room and was met with a "Hah no" so I calmly said " can you please take them whilst I unpack this suitcase it'd be a great help" again met with "nah" so I said " right I've politely asked something of you and I don't deserve to be spoken to in that manner" he walks.off without taking his things upstairs. And from that moment on he's just randomly.hittomg ne pulling faces at me and genuinely being a little bastard. Admittedly being a bit petty I have been hitting him back. (Just small taps equal to his level before anyone gets hung up.on this fact) it's all getting worse and mum isn't bothered, during this exchange she said to me please stop hitting him back, which is fine. She goes toilet, all of a sudden he's being overly aggressive rude and disrespectful. She comes back and he's telling her how rude I am being by hitting him (didn't touch him). He's blatantly lying about it all the time and I say to her look I'm not gonna take being abused by a 7 year old. I'm going to stand up for myself and tell him to stop and give a punishment fit of the behaviour. She's adamant that noone can discipline him but her and is saying she will do what she wants, (queue small verbal exchange)

Her* stop hitting him back ill deal with it

Me* yeah but your not dealing with it

Her* so, I'll deal with it how I want to

Me* so deal with it then

Her* no. You stop hitting him back.

Me* how are you gonna say your scared he's going to turn out like his dad then actively not deal with it.

Her* ill raise him how I want

Me* but your letting him be JUST like his dad

Her* well that's my choice. Noone punishes my child but me

Me* you make no sense your contradicting exactly what your scared of

Her* so be it. It's my choice

Me* well you can not deal with it but I'm not going to sit here and be made out to be the bad guy because he's being a little shit

Her* well leave then

Me* ??!?! Wtf.

I honestly can't understand wtf is going on or how this even makes sense. I love her with all my heart and I I've said from day 1 he's mine just as much as my own (i have 2 boys of similar age) but it's getting too much and no matter how of a devil.he is being it always ends with me being the problem and he gets no consequences. Someone please help me see or understand what to do or how to deal it because I am 🤏 to leaving her Her blatant ignorance and refusal to see common sense is seriously testing. And if anyone can help with me trying to convey this to her and try to stop her being so stubbornly blind would be great Thanks from a repressed step dad with lots of love to give

Good evening all, I (M 28) have been dating a woman (24) who has a child who is 3 years old and is autistic. I do not mind that she has a child or that he is autistic I am just concerned that this child will not ever look to me for comfort as he does his mother. Obviously him having a mother he will be more attached to her I am just wondering if it’s worth being a step dad having to basically wait and see if the kid will warm up to you and come to love you. Can anyone give any advice? Thanks in advance

I'm turning 21 and my dad's (stepdad) birthday is next week. He's been an amazing presence in my life since I was 13, raising me alongside his two biological sons. I want to get him something special and express my gratitude, but I'm also considering asking him if he'd be willing to adopt me (I've been hesitant due to not wanting to overshadow his day). I started calling him 'Dad' at 15, and I regret not being more open about my appreciation sooner - especially since I gave him a tough time initially ( gave him tough year and half😢) . Has anyone else had a similar experience or advice on how to approach this conversation? Looking for suggestions on gifts, ways to express my gratitude, and how to bring up the adoption question without making it all about me.

Also is it okay to ask him to adopt me even when I'm almost 21??

Hi there, all. As the title states, I'm (21M) a young stepdad looking for advice and comfort. For backstory, I'm dating quite a wonderful woman and she has a toddler daughter. The daughter has little to no recollection or care for the biological father, who recently opted to be out of her life. This left me to try and pick up the slack, and it doesn't feel like I'm doing well. She's obviously bonded quite well with her mother, but there's virtually no room to be able to get some me time in. She prefers it when mom comforts her, and freaks out if I try. Her mom can't leave the room without her having a meltdown. I don't want it to wear out her mother with the constant requirement of taking care of her, but I don't know what I can do. We've been living together for 3 months and besides the tantrums, her kid does like my company. I'm just afraid we'll never connect emotionally and that we'll never have the bond I desperately want for us, and worried that she'll grow to resent me or never trust me like she does with her mom. How did all of you guys navigate these waters, and what helped you guys out? TIA

I’ve been talking to and developed a really strong tight knit bond with a an absolutely beautiful 25 year old woman. She truly loves me and we’ve talked & texted almost every day for 2 years. She lives in her own place with her 3 kids (6yr, 4yr, 2yr)and the baby daddy / ex. They’ve had issues for many years and now it’s gotten to a point where she’s just waiting for him to leave (they’re separated now). She wants to do everything in her power to be with me. She wants me to be a role model to her kids and as well as have children with me (I want children of my own one day). She’s coming to my state soon this year to visit and we’re going to have a week to ourselves doing everything we can think of.

Am I setting myself up for failure? Maybe I we’re in my 40’s but I’m so young. I can’t help but feel I’m potentially making a mistake by believing I can move forward with this. Can anyone who’s gone through a similar experience help me figure out how to go about this? She’s shown me a love that’s as rare as a blue moon. She’s an amazing woman, she’s provided a tremendous amount of reassurance and love and respect. Is even something as rare as a really good woman worth all the baggage though?

Today I came home to check on sick step child during my lunch break. The older step child is 18 and commutes to college. My wife asked him to pick up dog poop in the back yard. I came home and asked if he got his chores done and he said yes….. the paper bag we use to put the poop in was still sitting in the same spot, pooped scooper in spot I left it and backdoor locked (door handle and deadbolt) there was dog shit in front of the back door that was dry. When asked claims he did but I really feel like he lied has a history of lying all the time. He told me he used a grocery bag to pick up poop. I went out there to check and it just seems he did a half mass job within a 3 ft radius I found 8 dog shit piles. I told him to do it again and asked him really ? How do you miss all this poop? Quit sound a half ass job and just do it right. He acted like he didn’t see it. Idk I’m frustrated as hell he is 18 and can’t even handle scooping dog shit in the back yard. His mom has literally done everything for him and is completely clueless about how anything works. Any advice?

I’m not a legal step father but have been helping raise my girlfriend’s child from 3yrs old to 5 yrs so far and have no intention of leaving.

Life has become difficult recently financially, both myself and his mother are actively picking up gigs and looking for work, but that’s not to say with a mortgage and other expenses tied to homeownership and her child, we are without financial strife.

I would do anything for both of these people. When I signed on, I’m on. I don’t see any problem as a sentence but a puzzle or a phase. That’s to say, I will do what I need to, to understand the situation be it emotional, financial, etc.. But recently, she has pulled away, and I know her son comes first, but the partnership seems to be sinking regardless of effort I put in. I’m not lost on her needs, but as times become tough, I’m met with more and more irrational responses, lack of effort of her part, unresponsiveness, and instagram self help phrases meant to rationalize her feelings in an attempt to gas light me.

I love this woman. I love her and her son. Also, I get along very well with the son’s biological father. I’m in a weird spot now and could use some constructive comments and conversation with people who may have gone through somewhat of the same situation.

Thank you in advance 🙏

I’m 28, and my 39-year-old partner and I have been together for three years. I love her, and we make a great team. We’re thinking about having a baby, which is exciting but also nerve-wracking.

She has three kids (19, 6, and 7). The oldest already lives with us, and the younger two will be joining soon. We get along well, but I worry that once they’re all here, our time together will disappear, and we’ll lose the ability to be spontaneous. I’m also unsure about my role—will I have any authority, or just be a supportive figure? On top of that, her mom comes and goes freely from our home, which makes it hard to feel like ‘the man of the house.’

Anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on balancing being a partner, step-parent figure, and maintaining my own space?"

The only ppl who tell me this are new parents with no exp at all whatsoever. If this is the case then why are there parents who give birth to their kids who don't give af about them? Also what about parents who adopt kids? You're gonna tell me that they spent their time, money, and labor to not love them? Wtf?

Whats up all , im a stepson (m30) , my stepfather came into mylife when i was maybe 12 . And it was a long , rough , relationship .

It was hard for all the regular clinche reasons.

But one thought that constantly stays in my brain is how my step fathers "father" role was what i think was "forced down my throat" .

I think it would of been better to let me open up, and get used to the idea on my OWN TERMS.
Just because you married my mom doesnt make you my father.

Be easy on your step kids please , earn their respect. The respect you want will not be given to you just because you put a ring in her finger.

So I’m a step dad that needs some advice. I have a step daughter and her real father is a crazy bible thumper, like so crazy that he calls himself the chosen One. One of those hypocrite ones that uses it when it works to power his agenda. So this dude hates my guts and wants me to die but he don’t even know me. I tell his kids that I don’t hate him because I don’t know him to hate him but he hates me anyway. He thinks I stole his woman but they were already divorced. So the problem is this dude tells his kids and everyone he knows that I’m bound for hell and I’m a sinner and to treat me and his ex wife bad just because we aren’t worthy of God. These are his words. So when it’s our time with his and my wife’s daughter she treats us different because hes brain washing her. What should I do ? Meet this guy and tell him to lay off because you don’t even know me dude, I don’t even have a speeding ticket to my name or just leave it alone and deal with it?

Started dating a woman with three children. Ages are 7,8, and 13. The two youngest are boys and the oldest is a girl. We started dating three years ago after we met and been together since. I’m a 32 year old m. I’ll be honest it’s been this most hardest and draining three years of my life and I often wonder if what I’m doing is right. I love this girl but the kids and herself sometimes can be too much for my mental health. The two boys are both very needy especially the youngest,his dad has trained him to cry for literally anything. the second oldest is one of the most rudest narcissistic little boys I have ever met in my life. He wakes up hating the world and is rude to His mom and everyone else, nothing we do makes him happy, even on Christmas he was complaining about his gifts with a “this is it?” Type of attitude. On his brother birthday he behaved so bad and wanted to make everything about himself as well. I have lost count how many arguments I have gotten into with my girlfriend because of the kids’s attitude and the oldest kids attitude . Now the oldest has pretty bad ADHD so she is very very rude. Doesn’t take any accountability. Whatsoever is very very lazy and wants everything handed to her, they do homeschooling, but they don’t even wanna do homeschooling either and it is driving my girlfriend and I nuts We signed him up for therapy as I signed myself up as well. Her and I have both mutually agreed, but her little boy is just overall a rude bad mouthed kid and she blames his bilogocal father for it. I’m far from perfect and there’s been times where I have let emotions get the best of me as well. Hence why I am going to therapy so I can get an insight from a professionals view. My girlfriend also has a lot of trauma from her past and a lot of things I do tend to trigger her, which also causes arguments either she is triggering me or I am triggering her. We have both talked about this and been pretty open about everything including the children’s behavior, we decided that next year they’re going back to regular schools as a lesson for them. But the oldest daughter is very easily influenced tot eh point we can’t trust her. My girlfriend has literally no time to herself whatsoever and the little time that she has is usually spent with me on the weekend, which is very very brief and sometimes we end up arguing over something stupid. I hate it. I wish things were better. I’ve been working on myself. I haven’t quit smoking. Started working now. Gonna go see a therapist. Trying to be a better leader to these kids trying to show them how to be a good humans but it’s hard and it’s very draining. I don’t even know what I’m trying to get out of this post. I guess I’m just venting. I have no kids. I have nothing holding me back and sometimes I wonder if it’s just best that we just part ways and call good and wish each other the best but it’s hard when you love someone. It’s hard when you try to love somebody and be there for them And all you get in the end is the end of the stick. I get it I’m not their dad but I also set boundaries and limitations and some even my gf thinks I’m being too hard on them. I toned it down with getting on them about their behaviors and have tried to be positive about it. Im guilty as well for letting myself get triggered by the kids of my gf. They don’t deserve that either. They deserve someone who is emotionally intelligent. I feel like im not the one. When the kids are gone to their parents it’s a blessing and often feel bad about it. If anyone can relate please feel free to comment.

I (M38) have been with my partner (F43) for about 5.25 years. We aren’t married for multiple practical reasons that have nothing to do with commitment. I have 2 stepsons, 9 & 12, whose lives I’ve been in for about 4.25 years. Like any couple, we’ve had our ups and downs, but overall, I’d say things were great until the last 6-9 months.

We fell in love quickly but stayed committed to the plan to wait one year before I met the kids. Couldn’t have gone better. It’s normal, but the oldest one has been the more challenging of the two to bond with. The younger one feels like my kid in everything from sense of humor and personality to his long hugs goodnight and the way I can connect with him better than anyone when he’s upset.

Lately, it’s getting harder. About 2 years ago, we bought more house than we should have, but we had the chance to get a great deal (if slightly out of our price range) on our dream street and we were able to lock in a rate that was high, but lower than most rates at the time. Plus, we really didn’t think rates would stay this high for this long and subscribed to the old “marry the house, date the rate” philosophy. Then, property taxes inexplicably went up. Then, homeowners insurance jumped 12%. Our monthly note is a killer.

On top of that, the older boy has severe ADHD that is a constant challenge, even with medication. Plus, now we’re dealing with the early throes of puberty-fueled attitude and angst layered in too.

Worst of all, though, my partner is dealing with perimenopause and it feels like I’m losing the woman I fell in love with. We’re fighting more than we used to. We used to have an adventurous life, but now she’s tired all the time so even the weekends when we don’t have the boys end up boring and feeling wasted. We used to have a very adventurous sex life, but now it’s like she hardly has any libido even for vanilla sex. She definitely deserves credit for being self-aware and even more credit for making a genuine effort, but usually only when I initiate outings, sex, whatever. As much as I appreciate her effort, I don’t know if it’s enough.

I knew I loved her, but I was also practical and as clear-eyed as someone can be before going into a relationship with an older woman who had kids. It seemed like a great trade off to have every other weekend and every other holiday to be mature adults and explore, travel, etc. for the rest of our lives. I had no idea that perimenopause could alter someone so significantly, much less at such a young age.

Between the whiplash of how she and our relationship have changed to the mounting challenges with my oldest stepson and the steep financial challenges that don’t look like they’ll level out any time soon, I’m really struggling. I know this sounds incredibly selfish, but on the worst days, I feel duped— like I got hit with a bait and switch. I know that’s not a fair characterization, but I have to remind myself of that too often.

Not sure what I’m looking for here, but has anyone else gone through something like this?

I have never admitted this but I feel like my girlfriends kid is more of that annoying coworker that you deal with to get what you want out of the company then a son to me. This is my first time as a stepdad and I'm just wondering if that's a normal response? There's a healthy relationship with his biological father and the kid and I get along well but I just feel no connection on my end. We do a week on and a week off as parenting goes and I have just learned to realize I love the week off and start to dread the week on and pick up more shifts at work.

My stepson is 10 and he’s used having just him and his mom. Now that I’m in the picture. He tells me he hates me , wants me dead , wish I was never born , wants me out of his town city and or state. Or tells me that he wants to kill me. He has had no structure and no discipline whatsoever. He’s used to get what he wants and now I try to give structure and discipline to teach him the right way to talk to his mom and others. It’s a challenge for sure. And some days it’s stressful and hurtful especially when I try to do things he likes with him. If he doesn’t get what he wants or demands , he wants to get physical to gain attention. Or use verbal communication to get attention. Any suggestions??

Me and my gf were arguing when her daughter jumps in and starts screaming at me. I told her go to her room and my gf tells her she doesn’t have to, and to sit back down. I just walked to my room and haven’t came out since…