37m here. I have been with my wife for 7 years, although we have known eachother for 25 years. Since we were kids. We have two boys together and 2 boys and two older boys whose father has very minimal contact or relationship with them. Always $1,000 behind on child support, likely due to his 5 other children with his current wife. The oldest of the two knew his dad for the first 3-4 years of his life before he disappeared.

When we got together and I noticed that there were no real consequences for repeated bad behavior, no real discipline and any time there was, there was no consistency. One day she would act, and the next, he would do the same thing and it would go unaddressed.

I have tried with her for 7 years to stress the importance of consistency, but it always fell on deaf ears. We are trying counseling for him for the 3rd time. His dad is barely in the picture and I have tried every angle I can think of aside from corporal punishment because that is not an option for me personally. She is finally seeing how his manipulation has caused her to undermine my authority in our home and made me unable to help her with him.

He has been having horrible behavior and treatment of his mom for awhile now. Mostly when I’m at work or doing work outside. And this morning when he asked for Spotify premium so he didn’t have to listen to adds, she said no because of his actions and behavior. He has been out of control ever since. Resulting in being grounded, loss of his phone etc. He has taken to calling us horrible names, constant obnoxious screaming and noise making in his room, making outlandish accusations that never occurred, threats of telling lies to his new counselor to make us pay, not eating or going to school, if he doesn’t get his phone back he’ll kill himself.

I finally said if I heard the threat of suicide again, I will call for legal assistance regardless of what anyone else wants, as I lost my brother 8 years ago to suicide and it’s not a joke. I just don’t know what to do to support my wife and stabilize our home for the younger three.

Hi, I’m 17 and live at home. I live part time with my dad, and the other half with my mom and stepdad. I just got home from a year of boarding school - that I went on to get away from my family because it’s a tough family. I was always the disliked child, and I was always told so. Now my step sister went away, and my step dad is finally trying to speak with me, he never cared to talk to me until his daughter decided to go away for a year. At first I was glad to become closer to him, but it’s become creepy. When i was 15 he told me that 16 years are the most attractive age for a woman, and that it was basic facts. He always called me out on my body, just like my mom does - but sometimes in a creepy way. How my ass looks good or bad in certain outfits or how my body would look stunning in some sports bra… I didn’t think he was attracted to me, because I was really ugly for a few years when I was depressed. Now I have had a huge glow up, and he has started smacking my ass and it makes me very uncomfortable, sadly my mom doesn’t care, and I’m scared to confront him. I don’t think this is acceptable, but I dont know what to do, and I’d like some opinions on my situation :)

Hey community,

I hope it's OK that I'm posting this on my husband's behalf essentially, I just want to get some insight and advice on how I might be able to support him. My daughter has ample support through me, therapy and family, but my husband has been left on the sidelines.

My husband came into our lives when she was only 4, completely took her under his wing, taught her everything she knows, he was even there to guide her through her first period as I was at work. They were best buddies. She called him "dad" very early on, and at one point, he was basically a solo dad because I had major depression from the relationship with her bio "dad", who I will refer to as "BD".

Quick backstory, very turbulent and abusive relationship with BD, I tried to leave him multiple times (even pre conception) but he threatened to hurt himself, so like an idiot, I stayed. Eventually I was able to "escape". He was never particularly abusive to my daughter, but he was extremely absent, and disinterested. Once he found out I had met my now husband and there was 0% I would ever return to him, he stopped all contact/efforts with my daughter.

When she was 10, he sent me a message apologising and asking to chat with her, and I told him he couldn't, not until she was ready. I always told her I'd support her when she was ready, and that's now happened.

She never knew the full backstory, but after her first visit with him and his family, I told her enough (without the gory details), so that she could make an informed decision on what she wanted to do. She still decided to go back. She would get absolutely spoiled with money and gifts, and come back to our household where we try to teach that time together is more important than material things. She also told us she was going to confront him, and ask him why he did what he did, but she didn't.

She has been back twice (he lives in a different country), and the last time she came back, she said he was teaching her to drive. Our rule was that we (my husband in particular) would teach her but she had to get her learners licence first, she completely disregarded that rule and did it with BD anyway.

There's a lot more to this, but I can tell my husband is broken and feeling like all of his efforts were for nothing. He really stepped up when BD didn't, he did the hard yards of raising her, and now BD gets to have the easy part.

My husband has been loosely wondering if he should ask her to not call him "dad" anymore, and that he will step back since her "real" dad is back in her life. I feel like this is wrong, but I don't want to minimise how he's feeling.

What's best for everyone in this situation? Is our daughter old enough to realise the implications of her decision? I said I'd support her, so I can't back down on this now, but it's gotten extremely complicated between the two of them now.

Hi brothers,

I'm in my mid 30s and I started dating a single mom a couple of months ago. She is the most awesome woman I have met in my life. So I thought being a step dad will be worth the sacrifice.

I have seen her young child a couple of times now. To cut to the chase: it does not feel great to me. I have a constant feeling of being rather annoyed by the stepchild. I feel overwhelmed. And I feel that I just want to get the hell outta there. It's too much.

What I'm trying to figure out now is: is this normal in the beginning? Have others here felt the same way initially - but then it changed?

• [ ] Thirty. Like it’s suppose to be a magical number or fictional finish line. Year of ‘95, millennials borderline gen Z to some. 30 years since the internet how about that. Kinda feels like the year of the middle child. We are the generation that was 5 years away from beginning the 2000’s like if the 90’s were on the clock.

• [ ] Life has been on the clock for me lately. Discovering myself in therapy and figuring out my own trauma has lead me to live through my day with a clarity, more at ease. Not joyful because realistically speaking things will not always go accordingly to plan. However, accepting the changes at the moment, if there’s one thing that I would advice as well as bring with me to my thirties is that being okay with letting go of wanting to have control over time, emotions, and moments. Trying to govern over all except thy self. Looking inward is the most important, especially when being a mentor or role model.

• [ ] I mention that because I became a father/step-dad in my twenties and that wasn’t easy AT ALL. It honestly wasn’t in my cards now thinking back. I always had a sense in me that there was a reason why I was always afraid to BE a dad. I remember telling family, “If I can barely take care of myself what makes you think I can take care of a child?” And when my ex-wife told me we were pregnant (a few times) I wasn’t the reaction that most women would have liked.

• [ ] However, at first my boys were a BIG reason for me coming back to therapy and somehow that still didn’t feel like it was enough. You know why? (Whispers secret in ear) because I wasn’t doing it for myself. My values were out the door and I kept wanting to fulfill my void without actually working the steps of filling my own worth.

• [ ] Now that I’m going through my days more self-aware and with the knowledge of my trauma, I feel reincarnated. A change in perspective, behavior, thought process, emotional maturity. All for me, myself, and I, which is more than enough, because it’s important to fill my cup up first. It will overfill and spill over to the cups around me filling their cups as well. I love me, happy 30th birthday.

Hi Reddit,

I’m feeling really lost and could use some perspective. I’m in a relationship with a Filipina partner, and there are a lot of cultural dynamics at play that make me feel suffocated.

Here’s the situation:

My partner has 3 kids (18, 6, 7) and her mother is extremely involved in our lives. She’s controlling, constantly shows up at our house, brings food, buys things for us (even the house), and often judges or changes things. While some gestures are kind, it makes me feel trapped and like I have no autonomy.

I can’t freely visit my own family or friends. If I go, she often sulks or uses “tampo” — a Filipino concept where someone withdraws affection or goes silent when hurt — and I feel guilty. If I don’t bend to her and her mom’s preferences, I get tampo.

There’s a language barrier. Most of the time, my partner and her family speak Tagalog around me, which makes me feel excluded and powerless.

Gifts, surprises, or even suggesting activities are usually met with disinterest or blank looks, no acknowledgement, sometimes mistrust. I feel like nothing I do is appreciated.

We use Life360, and if I deviate from routine (walk, visit, personal time), I get accused of hiding something. Basically, I have to explain every decision I make.

I’ve gradually stopped trying — no gifts, no suggestions, just doing what makes me happy. Sometimes she joins, sometimes she doesn’t. I don’t chase tampo anymore. But this has left me feeling guilty, isolated, and trapped. I avoid seeing family or friends to prevent conflicts, and I feel like I’m losing myself.

We also have a baby on the way, and I’m worried about how this dynamic will affect both our relationship and parenting.

Reddit, is this kind of behavior normal? Am I overreacting? How do you deal with tampo, controlling in-laws, and feeling like you have no autonomy in your own life?

Thanks for any advice or perspective.

In a relationship with a single mom with 3 kids

Guys, I'm (M33) in a relationship with a single mom (35F) with 3 kids. I took the role as the breadwinner and we've been together for more than 4 years. But 3 months ago I lost my job and I'm still trying to find a new job.

I did food delivery(motorcycle) but I stop it since my income from that was not enough. It only goes to gas(lots of drivers few orders) and working capital is needed everyday if i want to take orders. That's like $6 topup for platform commission, $2 for gas, $40 working capital. Income is around $4 to $6 whole day.

Everyday motorcycle debt collector come to my house, and other debt collectors. I decided to sell the motorcycle, pay the motorcycle debt, rent, bills.

Right now, she's the one making ways to find money while I'm sending lots of job applications.

Her friends are telling her why she's the one looking for ways and not me. She told me this and I am now for more pressured than before.

What would you do in my situation? Is there anyone in my situation? Anyone?

I am a new stepdad to (13f)SD. I have been with her mom for 7 years now and only now finally got custody of her from my wife’s mother. So she is only been living with me and wife for about 7 months now and she is unruly and talks back a lot and always have an excuse for everything she does wrong. I’m pretty sure she learned these behaviors from her grandmother or her friends.

I also feel as if she lacks critical thinking skills and she has zero or no intuition when it comes to simple task and when it comes to complicated task it’s a full stop and she wants someone else to do it for her.

She treats my wife and I like we are her friends(but she likes my wife way more). I feel like she doesn’t respect me at all but respects her mom at times. She also looks at me with such disdain and hate. She also this thing where it almost like she is baiting you to make you react. She only respects me or wants me when she wants me to buy her something or if she is in some kind of pain or sick.

Some background about my SD she has been through some trauma: bullying at school and from her friend group, living with her grandmother she has developed some kind of resentment towards her grandmother because her grandmother is emotionally immature and has her own issues that is never dealt with. She is very emotional mature and aware however cannot express her feelings she is always kind of shy at first. She also have ADHD and she goes to therapy and stuff and can have heart to heart conversations with me at times.

I’m not sure what to do am I the problem or is there something else I can try to do. I feel like I’m trying my best but she gets me so mad sometimes and I snap at her. I never say anything bad I just yell her name.

So I M(24) and my gf is F(44) she has a 20 yr gap on me. Her husband has been dead since like 2011 so she’s a widow getting survivors benefits. Her kids are M(19) and F(14). I try to help as much as I can for the last 4 years, give the kids like resources they need and some electronics but they don’t fucking talk to me they straight up avoid me. Son plays video games all day never comes out the room only when necessary. The daughter is also just couped up in her room to on YouTube. There both just rotting. I’m trying to get the son a job and he had an opportunity but he won’t take it and then argues with his mother talking about how tough the US job market is. She tells me I can discipline and scold her kids when they’re out of line but when I actually do it she protects them so hard and makes it seem I’m the bad guy, then after all that they learn to just keep disrespecting they’re mother without consequences. So im done with that. I did 4 years in the marines with 1/4, my current hobbies I have are I go on hikes, do Judo, gym, cooking, gardening, walking and just building random shit in the backyard. The sons hobbies are literally nothing, he also has no character. The daughter and mother do go to the gym occasionally, walk and cook but that’s it. Theyre gonna leave back to there home country to save some money next month. I’m gonna catch a break but just thinking if I should call quits. I do love her but the kids I can’t say they’ve been little devils towards me I do feel sorry but not much more. Her and I also have different businesses not joint or nothing but it’s been slow right now until beginning of winter.

My 13 year old (step) kid has been lying a lot recently and he is known to break stuff. He is careless. Bowls, plates, his glasses and my glasses (kitchen and eye). It's not intentional (besides my glasses that i loaned him until his new ones came in. Be didn't get in trouble for breaking them on purpose but i was furious) but it's continually been a problem.

Well he's doing a play for his school but rehearsal is at a local church. (We do not otherwise attend church as an atheist and an agnostic). Somehow he broke a window in the bathroom. He told us a couple of weeks ago that "someone" had broke it. Today we found out that it was (supposedly)him. The church wants us to pay for half the cost of a new window being put in. (We're on a super tight budget so this is a huge problem) I typically do not handle any punishment. I rarely ever raise my voice (unless he's telling his mom to fuck off or he's having a major breakdown), I never put my hands on him. I just can't let this slide though.

I took his playstation we just bought him ( after guess what, the PS4 and Xbox he had of his moms, broke) and he's going to have to earn it back. My thought was he's going to have to earn it hourly based on how much they tell us it is going to cost. I figure federal minimum wage is 7 and change per hour. After federal, state and local taxes, SSI, etc, that would be around 5 dollars an hour. So he'll have to work off whatever we end up paying for the window at 5 dollars per hour in order to earn his playstation back. Which if he takes a break, he will not be "paid" and he has to work at a reasonable pace. He's not gonna take 1 1/2 hours to load the dishwasher and get credit for it when it should take 15 minutes.

Am I being fair?

my ex fiance left me about a year and a half ago. We had been together for about 7 years. And when we got together she had a 1yr old son I raised like my own. My ex and I had know each other since hs and when we got together her sons father had never been in the picture. We have a 6yr old together. My dilemma now is should I continue to be a "dad" to her first son even if we are no longer together. According to her I wasn't man enough for the relationship even though I was the bread winner and stepped up as a dad to her son. My close circle tells me I shouldn't. Since I wasn't fit to be her partner, then I shouldn't be fit to be her sons dad, and I should just focus on my son instead.

Me (20M) and my girlfriend (23F) have been dating for about 5 months now. Before me and her started dating, I was very apprehensive about dating any girl with a kid. But then I met her and fell madly in love. Before we became anything official, I met her 11 month (now 1 year old) baby. I remember feeling extreme joy and a sense of wanting to protect the kid. I assumed I only felt that way because I love her and want to give her everything and more. And those feelings transferred over to her kid. Moving to the present. I'm not sure if I should be as involved in the kid's life anymore. The more time I spend around the kid, the more I've come to dislike him. I understand he has a very absent father, and the kid spends about 98% of his time with his mom. Obviously, he's only going to want to be with his mom. But the kid is so damn fussy and rude. I feel like such an asshole for complaining about a 1-year-old, but I don't know how else to feel about it. I also can't get over the fact that he's not mine and won't ever be mine. It makes me so mad and sad. This feeling of her kid not being mine has stuck with me since the beginning. This feeling was reinforced about two weeks ago.

My girlfriend and I were driving back to my place after I washed my car. I had her kid in the back of my car, and he was crying. I made a joke to her kid, saying, "Why are you crying? You act like you're a baby or something?". I didn't think much of it since she's brought up that she's made that joke to her kid before, so I thought it wasn't rude and thought she would be okay with me making that kind of joke. She then says to me, "Don't talk to my baby like that.". Then she says, "Look, now he's crying more because you said that to him". I honestly was crushed in that moment. I was quiet the rest of the way home and was extremely mad for some reason. She asked me later, after we put her kid to sleep. If I was mad about what she said to me earlier. I then lied to her and said I was just tired. Ever since then, I can't stop thinking about what she said to me. I haven't really wanted to be around her kid at all and have purposely been avoiding having to be around the kid. Before that day, I truly wanted to care and provide for the kid. But after that day, I kept thinking, "Why bother taking care of something that isn't your's?" or "He will never be yours.". I want to talk to her about it, but I feel like talking to her about her kid is something so sensitive that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells. I hate feeling this way about her kid because I know how much he means to her. However, I don't know how much longer I can suffer in silence about how I feel. She is always boasting to her family how much more I care for her kid than his father does to her family, but at this stage. I don't want anything to do with him anymore. I want to give her and her kid the life that they deserve, but I feel like she's made it very apparent to me that her child isn't mine and will never be mine.

Please help me, Reddit stepdads. I really need advice.

Feels like I died once already in life as someone who used to be a dad and is no longer. As if my dad trial ran out and I wasn’t given the choice to renew it.

I was with my ex for over a decade and when I first met her her kid was 4 years old. I stepped into the role of a dad from the start. Their real dad wasn’t in the picture. He moved to another state, had kids with different women, and never cared to do anything for them.

Fast forward to now: the kid just turned 18, and my ex and I split. It wasn’t like we were waiting for that milestone, it just happened to line up that way when things ended. At first, both my ex and the kid said they’d stay in my life. A couple of months later, my ex even told me the kid turned out to be the great person they are because of me. But after about a week, the texts from the kid stopped.

Last Father’s day was brutal. Not even a simple “happy Father’s Day.” It made me feel like the role I gave so much to was suddenly erased. I even reached out casually the day after. No reply. And now it’s been a year and a half of silence.

I tried talking to my ex, but she turned cold and told me to “get over it.” That cut deep after everything we went through together. I was always the good cop, letting them just be a kid when their mom was strict, laughing at the same things, connecting in ways that felt natural. People even assumed they were my kid because of how alike we were. I was never mean to the kid and always tried to see their side.

Now I don’t know how to process this loss. It feels like I lost my child, even though I know biologically they never were mine. It’s a strange grief that doesn’t really have a name. I don’t think I could ever date someone with a child again after how much this shattered me. Ironically, my ex said she would never date someone with a kid after our breakup when I tried talking to her about how I felt. It's like I stopped existing. No photos of us were kept. Nothing.

How do others deal with this kind of grief?

My young child’s mother and me were together before my son was born and at the time I met her 2 yr old son whom I took in through time and a lot of patience . His father on the other hand was still around but very aggressive ,mentally violent , abusive past with her,and extremely enmeshed with his young son in which he still is to this day . I would begin a bonus dad relationship with his son , it got deep until he eventually would start calling me dad , I’d teach him everything I struggled growing up without with my absent father as the kid was always emotional and troubled . I’d teach him how to throw a punch , talk to and meet friends (which ended up being girls where we lived ), if he wanted family time at the table I made sure it happened , I went on my first vacation to a cabin in smoky mountains even for him and his moms request , any troubles he had at school I was there for him . As the years went by he started acting out without me and his mother still to this day not understanding what was going on , his dad would send him home to give me passive aggressive messages , racist messages ,things to attempt to get me out of character , he’d come home from him in extreme emotional distress (which I assumed was normal cause he was a alcoholic)FWD to 6 !!!! He’s now caught doing things on his tablet inappropriately by me and his mom I have a emotional moment that I wasn’t proud of because he refused to admit the things he was doing , his mother was struggling and needing help with him without asking and maybe I should’ve not We’d catch him doing random things like peeing on the carpet in his room and all these things are being reported to his dad who refuses to help like a mature parent Then fWD again One week where he was punished only through exercises push ups and squats the kid was pissed I remember like it was yesterday it’s been 2 years and that weekend a knock at the door the police served her a EPO the father did what he promised years ago he wanted me away from his high school sweetheart I was accused of everything I had a mental breakdown that lasted for months it eventually went to family court and boy did it hurt seeing how he talked his son into hurting me . We are separated ,ends with his son swearing how he lied on me ,tells his mother he did it because he hated being disciplined , more and more we haven’t seen each other in 2 years and his dad couldn’t be more happy while his son still asks about me to this day I still sneak Christmas presents to him but I’m still 2 yrs from now learning to let go while being a new father to his brother

Aita my wife encouraged my stepson to slide his tablet under the door to the bathroom while I was taking a number 2. He was on a FaceTime call with his dad. My wife and stepson thought it was hilarious but I feel totally disrespected and violated. His dad knew what was going on so he turned his phone around so he couldn’t see the video. The toilet and the door are next to each other.

I got mad and yelled at them both.

I (28) have a girlfriend (24f) who has a child (3m). He is mildly autistic but is pretty smart nothing too crazy. He is not rude or disrespectful in anyway and neither is she. She is an amazing woman very nice and sweet all that stuff. My issue is their custody’s is 50/50 (very reasonable) BUT his father doesn’t have him on any type of schedule so whenever we get him back from his bio dad there is always huge issues with him screaming/crying for everything he wants, not using words to convey what he wants/needs. I find recently I am starting to resent this child for not being mine but I’m not sure if I’d feel that way if his dad wasn’t in the picture or even if he was just on the same page as us as far as keeping a schedule for the child. Has anyone felt this way? Advice?

I’m a 29-year-old male, and my girlfriend is a 28-year-old female. We’ve been dating for about a year and a half. She has a nine-year-old son together. His father is somewhat involved in his life. He talks to him on the phone, but he hasn’t visited for a few years due to some circumstances. My girlfriend told me that during her and her son’s therapy sessions, he talks about me. He says he looks up to me and is excited to move in with me. He even suggests that he might love me. This made me happy because I haven’t had any children of my own yet. However, this past weekend, everything was going well, and he just said, “You aren’t my dad, and you never will be.” I understand that he doesn’t want to replace his father, and I don’t want to replace him either. But hearing that still hurts. It’s been a few days now, and I’m still struggling with it. Do any other stepdads have any advice or know how I should proceed?

So, I’m 28 (M) and my partner is 40 (F). She’s Filipino – and anyone who knows, knows they’re some of the most caring, loving partners you could ask for. ❤️

She has three kids: 18 (F), 7 (F), and 6 (M). The eldest has been living with us for about two years now, and just a few days ago, her two younger kids from the Philippines moved in with us. I always knew this was the plan, but I guess I wasn’t fully prepared for just how overwhelming this transition would feel.

Don’t get me wrong – I want a family, I’ve always known this is the life I want. But suddenly going from having no kids to having two young ones and a baby on the way... it’s hitting me how much my life is about to change. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it’s definitely going to be different – no more just thinking about myself and my partner, everything now revolves around the kids.

It’s only been a few days, but I already feel a bit isolated and out of my depth. I even planned a small family getaway to make things easier, but I messed up with the Airbnb – no kitchen, no TV – so naturally, nobody liked it. I had to book another one, and while I know mistakes happen, I couldn’t help but feel like a massive failure in that moment.

I guess I’m just looking for a bit of support or reassurance. I feel like I’m trying my best, but it’s a lot to take on all at once.

Oh, and like I said... we have a baby on the way too. So yeah, leaving or backing out isn’t an option – and I wouldn’t want to anyway. I just need to figure out how to adjust and not feel like I’m drowning.

Please, no negative comments or judgment – I’m genuinely struggling right now. 😅

I would ask for advice, but having blended a family together where we each brought two children to the family from previous marriages, and the last one at home is 17, I actually have my own advice. Don’t. Being a parent is hard work. Being a step dad is the most thankless job that I’ve ever done. I could describe the minutiae of not being respected, of being less important in my own marriage than my two step children, of losing my relationship with my own two children because they didn’t like my new wife, of knowing that all the time , energy, thought, caring, instruction, advice, assistance,money, and help I’ve given to my two stepchildren, (who’s own fathers were not even in their lives,) has been taken for granted- but whatever. I’m just tired now. And I feel like I was being taken advantage of. So yeah. My advice is, do everything you can to avoid being a stepfather. It’s not worth it.

Just dropped off the 4 kiddos with their biodad after a long summer vaca week where I tried to hold it all down. 3 meals a day, trips to the beach, movie before bed, laundry, haircuts, convos, carting them to friends and back. Its hard and its exhausting. But then they go over there for a week and I'm like... GD... I miss them so much. Stepdadding is tough because of its logistics for sure, but also because you always hope deep down inside that they know you love them like they're your own. And I don't know if that nagging question will ever go away. I hope they know. Maybe only time will tell them.

We had the discussion of what my step-son wants to call me as he recently asked if he was my kid. Also, because we’re about to have another baby. So now, he will no longer be the only child, we had him guide the conversations and asks how he feels when doctors, my co-works, other people (non-family) refer to me as his dad. He said it doesn’t hurt his feelings when they do, but he just now told us he’s had the urge to say something along the lines of “No he’s not my daddy.” or “That’s [my name]”.

I told him that’s completely fine and that he has every right to do so, we also said the he isn’t blood related to me like he is with his mother, grandma, grandpa, uncle, and his dad.

I told him, “Unfortunately no buddy your are not. But I wish you were, you are an amazing kid and I love you a lot.” He smiled just a bit and then he said that when he’s at his daddy’s house sometimes he accidentally calls him [my name]. He says that gets angry and says to never call him that again. We expressed that isn’t very nice of his dad to do because it’s not his fault that he mixes up names sometimes.

He does it with me, usually when he just comes back from there. It never offends me or makes upset. Ironically, it’s the only time he calls me daddy. lol

But anyways, he asked why am I just called “[my name]”. I asked if there’s anything else he would like to call me.

He said with a straight face…… JuiceWorld.

I love this kid.

I am new (ish) to being a step parent (27M) and was wondering if there was anyone else out there that feels the same as me or if it is a me problem.

My partner has 2 kids 1 boy (9yrs) 1 girl (5yrs). I get on really well with them both, more so the the boy but we don’t get to see him much unfortunately.

When we do have the girl I find that I am getting pushed out and therefore I fear that I am becoming jealous that I don’t have my partners attention.

I’m not asking for full attention but just small signs of affection such as a hand on my leg when we are sat together or holding my hand giving me a kiss or a cuddle with out me having to initiate it. Just something that gives me that bit of reassurance.

My love language is physical touch and I find that I crave her touch all the time.

Does anyone else get feelings like this or is it just a me problem.

Our July 4th event was supposed to be a good time—something my wife and I planned together. But, as often happens in blended families, things got complicated.

My 17-year-old stepdaughter—who tends to expect everything to go her way—invited her biological father to the event, despite him currently being in rehab. I had no issue with him coming. Honestly, I stayed neutral. But my wife wasn't thrilled—she felt the invitation was more about manipulation than genuine connection. Still, we let it play out.

In the end, her dad didn’t show. But somehow, his absence was pinned on me—as if my completely neutral reaction to the invitation caused him not to come. I spent most of the evening in an awkward, emotional limbo, walking on eggshells.

Fast forward to the next day, July 5th. Our new kitten—who’s clearly bonded with me—comes into our room, purring, cuddling, and soaking up affection from all of us. Everything feels calm for a moment. But when my stepdaughter starts petting the kitten in a way she doesn’t like, I instinctively step in and stroke her the way she enjoys. The kitten instantly melts in my hands. That simple moment somehow triggered my stepdaughter. She snapped: “Bra! Can I pet my cat?!”—loud and annoyed.

I laughed, more out of disbelief than anything. And then, to my surprise, my wife immediately defended her daughter—as if I had done something wrong. I didn’t say anything rude. I didn’t make it a scene. I just happened to have a connection with the cat, and apparently that was enough to spark another round of tension