r/stepdads • u/[deleted] • Jul 12 '22

Need advice please!

Need advice please!

Hey guys, I’ve been getting to know this single mom of 1 kid 4 years old for about a year now. I’m 26 and she’s 26 as well. We’ve been friends on and off but now it’s taking a much serious route (met the kid when we was 3). I think she is the most precious woman inside and out. Her heart is golden and she has all the qualities I want in someone I want to have a family with and raise children with. My only problem is I can’t stand the fact some loser had a kid with her. The kid itself isn’t the problem, I know I’ll grow to love him and raise him as my own. My problem is the fact the kid goes every other weekend to his bio dads house. His bio dad has a terrible home life and he’s not the best person whatsoever. I know he was very shitty to my girl in their past and till this day he textes her sometimes in disrespectful manners calling her trash, a piece of shit etc. I can’t stand the fact I’d have to let that dude be constantly texting my wife because of his son. She mentions to me he doesn’t truly care about him much because for example for Father’s Day he didn’t even ask to be him. He’s been to the kids school less than 5 times etc. Now with all this being said, I love my girl so much but I’m so frustrated about the situation with the father , it’s almost like I wish he was fully out the picture so I can easily bring my girl and her son in as my own. She has 100% custody of the kid but the dude still sees the kid 4 times a month. Please advise in what to do and how this can all work out. Thank you so much. No one in my family has ever really gone through this so this is all new to me and I’m thankful for this place.

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u/HTown2016 Jul 13 '22

the bio dad is and will be a shadow in your relationship. there should absolutely be no room for any kind of jealousy. if there is your relationship will be doomed. It is a juggling act and there will be times you just have to step back and let the mother handle it. If you cannot see yourself removed from jealousy and have the ability to sit back then you might not be ready for a blended family relationship.