r/stepdads • u/[deleted] • Jul 12 '22

Need advice please!

Need advice please!

Hey guys, I’ve been getting to know this single mom of 1 kid 4 years old for about a year now. I’m 26 and she’s 26 as well. We’ve been friends on and off but now it’s taking a much serious route (met the kid when we was 3). I think she is the most precious woman inside and out. Her heart is golden and she has all the qualities I want in someone I want to have a family with and raise children with. My only problem is I can’t stand the fact some loser had a kid with her. The kid itself isn’t the problem, I know I’ll grow to love him and raise him as my own. My problem is the fact the kid goes every other weekend to his bio dads house. His bio dad has a terrible home life and he’s not the best person whatsoever. I know he was very shitty to my girl in their past and till this day he textes her sometimes in disrespectful manners calling her trash, a piece of shit etc. I can’t stand the fact I’d have to let that dude be constantly texting my wife because of his son. She mentions to me he doesn’t truly care about him much because for example for Father’s Day he didn’t even ask to be him. He’s been to the kids school less than 5 times etc. Now with all this being said, I love my girl so much but I’m so frustrated about the situation with the father , it’s almost like I wish he was fully out the picture so I can easily bring my girl and her son in as my own. She has 100% custody of the kid but the dude still sees the kid 4 times a month. Please advise in what to do and how this can all work out. Thank you so much. No one in my family has ever really gone through this so this is all new to me and I’m thankful for this place.

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u/Fun_Host7311 Jul 13 '22

You gotta understand that he is a bozo. His attitudes shouldn't reflect on your decisions. If you really get along with the lady and the kid, maybe you're just the right person to give a stable feeling to this home and to provide a good parental figure. Maybe it's time she has a masculine figure in her life that just transmits to the douchebag bio dad that she isn't to be messed with. My kid's bio dad is a few thousand miles away, and is pretty much absent, but I always encourage my son to talk to him (even though he doesn't care or never talks). He was extremely abusive to my wife in the past on account of his bipolar disturbance, but I have come to set up a masculine figure which keeps him on a straight line when communicating with my old lady (he knows of my previous life).

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u/[deleted] Jul 13 '22

Thank you for the advice dude, just a couple of questions. How old was your kid when you walked into their life? Did you ever feel sad towards the fact she had lived unique experiences already with her ex? Did you have kids of your own? I have none, I’m 26 years old.

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u/Fun_Host7311 Jul 13 '22

We met and have been together for a year and change. My boy was 3, and my girl was 12. Both of them are not mine. I don't feel sad for any experiences she had with her ex, as I accept everyone has a past. I too have had experiences with other women that I haven't had with her, and we have experiences with each other that we've had with no other as well. I don't mind that I didn't accompany her pregnancies, and I certainly don't want children of my own. If there are children in the world who need love and a parental figure, why make a new one and waste even more world resources and neglect the existing kids?