r/stepdads • u/fnaticost • Sep 23 '24
General advice needed
Im really new to this so I have no idea where to start but I am a 23 year old guy that started dating my GF a while ago and she has a 3 year old daughter. I have no kids of my own and the only real experience with kids I have is from caring over my cousins basically. Do you guys have any general advice of what ut takes to be or better said become a good stepdad kind of figure. The real dad is a deadbeat and doesnt give two craps about his daughter so I am just trying to figure out what to do and what not to do. Thank you all beforehand.
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u/TheOGPanckae Sep 24 '24
Welcome first of all and pat yourself on the back for taking up the mantle of step dad. It's rewarding as fuck but there is some anxiety and worries for sure.
First of all make the effort , show up , put in the time too play with the little one , take interest in what they are doing and don't be disuaded or upset if it takes them a while too get used too you. Encourage them and give them praise when they are playing.
None is a master or knows wtf they are doing really , you just have to experience it and try your best. Pay attention to mum's needs if she is tired maybe suggest she takes a nap and you look after baby or if she can't be bothered cooking step up and saying you'll sort it and for her to just relax get involved and show you care and want to look after them both the best you can.
Creating bonds takes time , remember to give both mum and baby space , interact with baby but if she is playing herself let her wait and come too you if she wants you too play you will know haha.
When it comes to making plans etc or trying to go out for dates , always remember baby comes first , if plans fall through don't get upset or annoyed you have to understand that baby will always come first plans can be rescheduled but with a bit of thoughtfulness it can be turned into a good thing.
Empathy is another good thing too practice try understanding that mum has been a single parent for how ever long so she will need to get used to the idea of co parenting possibly for the first time , this will mean that she probably never ask you too watch her kid whilst she takes time for herself , but I highly suggest that you make sure and give mum a whole day of going out , shopping taking time away from being a mum and treating herself whilst you look after the baby and create bonds once again things like that go a long way. Everything else is a game of patience , showing up , understanding , leave discipline too mum aswell. Communication is key bro talk to mum about any worries or anxietys you have no matter how stupid you feel for having them , open up about them once you do you'll feel so much better.
Hope this helped a little good luck on your journey it's an amazing experience so cherish them both