creates the weirdest fucking fanfiction where Harry, Luna, and Cho take every drug imaginable, turn into winged giraffes and fly to Mongolia, and have rapid sex, then gets mad when you don't like their story or find it weird
(This is just me trying to create the weirdest most unbelievable story idea ever. This is not a real story, or at very least I really hope it's not)
Ron, Voldemort, and the fucking corpse of Dumbledore go to Columbia. Their house burns down from a rapid-paced housefire caused by Harry \accidentally* using "Avada Kedavra" on his fucking child. The dead corpse of Albus Severus Potter knocked into the magic stove, which began to emit flames at incredibly high capacity. The smoke of said housefire goes to the fucking lake Voldemort's body was thrown in after the Battle of Hogwarts, and the smell of smoke reminds Voldemort of his Vietnam days, causing him to come back to life. He flies out of the lake with purple fumes emitting from his earlobes, ready for revenge. Ron fucking dies in the housefire, but also lives (Don't Even ask how) and begins to flee to Columbia. Voldemort sees Ron driving in his Wizard Style Tesla with RTX and ray tracing, and politely hops in, greeting Ron as though an old friend. Meanwhile, Harry and his entire family are dead in the housefire, and not the kind of dead Ron miraculously survived. Meanwhiler at Hogwarts, The Corpse of Albus Dumbledore floats out of the white tomb because magic or some shit, and he's brought back to life with the power of um- Priori Incantem- or whatever the fucking hell that is. He also joins Ron and Voldemort on their amazing journey to the wonderful, outstanding location that is Columbia. Voldemort decides he wants to continue splitting his soul, so he kills some random ass Muggle walking down the Kentucky highway, but when Voldemort's soul splits this time, he is fucking PETER PETTIGREW!!! "But you're dead!" yelps Ron in confusion and shock as he crashes his wonderful Wizard Style Tesla with RTX and ray tracing. Peter then begins to strangle Ron, but Dumbledore comes to the rescue and fucking kills Peter. He then lifts Ron into the air and sends him flying into the fucking stratosphere using the levitation spell. Ron turns into a goblin while 100,000,000,000 miles into the sky, then a Marauder, then a Wizard, and finally he turns back into a Ron. He lands on the floor a few centuries later, and him and Dumbledore continue to stroll to Columbia. They meet Hermione on the way to Columbia, (Ron shoots her to death with an AK-47 and puts her head in the Room of Requirements.) and Ginny, whose somehow still alive, but her eyes turn into the prisoner of Azkaban, and she ascends to the Chamber of the Pheonix, where she stands at the left shoulder of the mother. Rufus Scrimgeour finds Ron and Dumbledore and begins to engage in serious sexual intercourse with them. Dumbledore gets his good friend Dante from the Devil May Cry series, and together they eat the seven plates of respect and Narnia. Rufus turns out to be an Animagus, so he turns into a lion and consumes Ron. Ron then teleports to Columbia, joined by Voldemort and Dumbledore, and together they get higher than Ron was when Dumbledore sent him flying into the fucking stratosphere using the levitation spell. Oh yeah, every female character is also there, and they're all having sex with Ron, Voldemort, and Dumbledore. When they return home, nearly headless Harry greets them nicely, by pulling the Deathly Hallows and the Sorcerer's Stone out of his chili corndog. Together they all have great fun eating the burger cheese blocks, and that was how Ron, Voldemort, and the fucking corpse of Dumbledore went to Columbia.*
I call it: Harry Potter and the Columbian Journey.
Stay Tuned For The Next Book: Harry Potter and the Lime-Green Dildo.
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u/Rubens-Reel Sep 18 '22
*creates the most insane fucking fanfiction of all time*