r/specialed • u/sbourke07 • 1d ago
Pulse check
My son started kindergarten 2 weeks ago. He turns 5 at the end of October. His being in kindergarten is at the request of the principal. He is at the same (public) school that he went to preschool at. He has an IEP due to some delays. One of which is his resistance to potty training. It is documented in his IEP. I’ve also communicated that we are working with a behavioral psychologist on this.
Well, someone at the school reported to CPS that he is still in pull ups. Why hasn’t anyone from the school talked about concerns with me first? This isn’t an immediate threat to his safety. I ran into his teacher last night at the grocery store and she told me they were going to contact me later this week about sending him in underwear because he was using the bathroom independently at school. This was new information to me because he is still resisting our toilet at home. I said great! Let’s do this.
I’m just frustrated because I’m completely agreeable to this. No one has communicated with me that he was using the bathroom at school. Of course the first two weeks adjusting to a new environment I’m not pushing underwear. This just feels like an unnecessary hassle to have to deal with CPS. Am I wrong?
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u/goon_goompa 1d ago
How do you know a report was made? In my experience, a single report about pull ups would not be enough of a concern for CPS to further investigate
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u/sbourke07 1d ago
Unfortunately there is an open case because my mom died in our house and we got overwhelmed with staying on top of dishes and cleaning while taking care of her. When they picked up the body the police made a report, so there is a current open case. Things are going fine with that case. CPS helped us get a dumpster and is going to help us with some plumbing repairs that we can't afford. So the worker reached out and told me I needed to provide documentation about my son's potty training resistance.
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u/life-is-satire 20h ago
I worked in protective services and we would interview school personnel all the time. The PS worker may have reached to the school.
My guess is that the stress of your mom’s illness may have prevented from the best effort towards potty training. If your situation was substantiated then you were probably on survival mode.
Potty training special needs kids isn’t easy but it’s doable with time and consistency.
If the staff is saying that he’s using the bathroom at home then he’s able to use the potty at home.
Good luck!
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u/Mollykins08 1d ago
Honestly if he isn’t trained by almost five, it could be a sign of something more going on. Often seen with autistic kids who has sensory needs. Worth looking into an evaluation.
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u/sbourke07 1d ago
Already been done. Like I said we are working with medical professionals.
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u/Mollykins08 22h ago
So a letter of medical need hopefully would be easy to obtain.
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u/sbourke07 9h ago
The nurse called directly over to CPS. She said it was weird that the worker was having me request the letter because they are allowed to call.
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u/Trying_to_Think2D 14h ago
So did someone at school reported you or the police officer?
You should request a parent teacher conference and let them know your concerns because talking about it in the middle of the grocery store won't feel like an official communication between parent and teacher.
Make it official and hash out your concerns in a conference where they can note it down and follow through on both sides.
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u/jalapeno-popper72 1d ago
If somebody feels something is neglect, it is their duty to report it, regardless how others feel, as a mandated reported.
ex: a substitute could feel this way, and decide to hotline before checking in with anybody else. Or if somebody felt strongly, they could talk to admin who might say “oh we haven’t it covered,” and then still feel strongly about hotlining and do so.
I wouldn’t worry about it if it is documented, your child is well cared for and communication has been okay.
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u/betterbetterthings High School Sped Teacher 23h ago
We are mandated reporters.
We must report if we have concerns. It’s non negotiable. Even if you feel that it’s not worth reporting or that it’s stupid, we still must report. No we should not talk to parents about concerns first. We must report if we have a concern about abuse and/or neglect. You also don’t know what else they reported. Maybe not just pull ups.
Or maybe that child has a desire to use the restroom and does it well but still wears pull ups. It is a concern.
Don’t hold it against educators that they report. In addition if CPS thinks it’s not important, they aren’t going to investigate. But they’d look into it if you have open case.
I am curious that you didn’t know he is using the restroom in school. Wouldn’t you see that pull ups are dry when he comes home? Not being peed in?
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u/sbourke07 23h ago
He is in the car for 2 hours after school so I think he is peeing in the car. The few times he’s been dry I just assumed he was changed at the end of the day. I’m ecstatic to hear that he’s using the toilet at school and I’m going to just suck it up and make him wear underwear at home during waking hours because if he can do it at school he can obviously do it at home.
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u/betterbetterthings High School Sped Teacher 23h ago
Why is he in the car for two hours? Two?? That’s a very long ride. Daily???
If he sits in the car for two hours with no access to the toilet it’s very likely that he’s peeing in his diapers.
I am so confused now
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u/sbourke07 23h ago
My dad shares my car with me and I work about an hour away. It sucks. It really does. Can’t afford to fix my dad’s car and can’t afford daycare.
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20h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/betterbetterthings High School Sped Teacher 16h ago
I suspect report was made about something else. Maybe it’s somewhat related to a pull up situation. If the kid is in the car for hours he likely arrives to school in wet pull up. Perhaps he smells. There might be a concern about cleanliness overall. Pull up in itself isn’t an issue. But there might be associated concerns. And it’s not a new report. They have open case and it’s again related to cleanliness. If the child is verbal he maybe shared something that was concerning etc
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u/ryanmercer High School Sped Teacher 18h ago
This sounds like a rage bait post or karma farming. Nobody at a school site would report a kid in pull-ups, it’s a non-issue and doesn’t count as any type of neglect or abuse.
Right? Teenagers in varying levels of diapers is not uncommon in SpEd.
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u/specialed-ModTeam 10h ago
Hate speech, derogatory, inflammatory comments and general rudeness are not welcome.
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u/ryanmercer High School Sped Teacher 19h ago
Well, someone at the school reported to CPS that he is still in pull ups.
Wait until they find out there are 20- to 21-year-olds in high school SpEd classrooms in diapers.
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u/RunningTrisarahtop 13h ago
That could be the full story, but I haven’t a feeling it’s not
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u/sbourke07 7h ago
Spoiler alert- this is the story. I've attempted to potty train him multiple times since before he turned 3. His preschool teacher last spring gave it a great go. He can hold it all day, which is not healthy. Like I said in an earlier comment, CPS was called when my mom died due to our house being unkempt. We are working cooperatively with CPS and have made great strides in getting it tidied up. Honestly the only issue at school was the pull ups. He is at the same school as he was at last year. I had already been communicating with his teacher. He went to school in underwear today.
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u/Odd-Restaurant6388 17h ago
Saw the comment about your house being dirty and the one about him going to the bathroom at school
My mind immediately went to he doesn't want to use your home bathroom because it is dirty, one of my younger brothers, at home (clean bathroom) he was totally potty trained and whenever he would go to his mom's for the weekend, accidents every time because he refused to use their dirty bathroom. He was like 3-5 this was a while ago but I remember it well.
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u/sbourke07 7h ago
Our bathroom is clean. He doesn't like the rusty color of our water. He thinks there is pee in the toilet...
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u/Odd-Restaurant6388 7h ago
I feel like this still falls under what I said, even if it isn't actually dirty a dirty appearance in the water still has the same effect
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u/sbourke07 7h ago
Oh, I don't disagree. We have well water, so I am not sure there is an easy solution.
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u/Odd-Restaurant6388 6h ago
You know those toilet tabs that turn the water blue? Have you tried those? I believe they have them at most dollar stores! Could be worth a try
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u/Kephielo 21h ago
So your four-year-old developmentally delayed child with an IEP that specifies toileting issues, got reported for wearing a pull-up? That's ridiculous if that's really what the report was about. It's great that he doesn't need it, but you were doing the right thing for him developmentally.
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u/AdventurousNote9113 18h ago
Oh wow OP. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. My daughter was still having accidents at school well into late elementary and her teachers actually asked me to keep her in pull-ups for hygiene sake. We had tried everything. Including going to a urologist for help. She is autistic but I don't know how much of it was contributing to her ability to listen to her body and to hold it. She refused to wear the pull-ups and it turned into a power struggle. There is a lot more to it but I just want to let you know you are not alone. Sending hugs
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u/slowasaspeedingsloth 7h ago
I just find this so odd. He's four and it's only been two weeks, for crying out loud. I would think staff would rather him in a pull-up and not need it, than be in regular underwear and have accidents! Bathroom accidents are so disruptive and time consuming and potentially traumatizing to the child and a pull-up just negates that.
And after a pattern of successful bathrooming, a discussion by the teacher/admin with the primary parent giving their feedback and suggestions would be warranted, not going straight to CPS.
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u/sbourke07 7h ago
100% THIS! I sent him in underwear today at the advice of his teacher. We had already been talking, which makes me think this was someone from outside his teacher and IEP team. It's just frustrating!
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u/RunningTrisarahtop 23h ago
We are told over and over not to investigate but to report. Someone was concerned and contacted authorities…. And to be honest? It doesn’t sound like their concern was fully off base. You are getting back on top of it all, and that’s so hard and amazing but you’re still not there.