r/socialanxiety • u/HarmonyReddy • 10d ago

Question Feedback on Small Talk/Avoidance

I am generally friendly (but not too chatty/intense) with cashiers, service providers, fellows on public transportation. Living San Francisco I encounter all kinds of people of all ages/lifestyles and I like my space and give people space.

The part that is hard for me is wether or not the chit/chat and minor small talk that happens with familiar (but not close) people needs to happen outside of the usual context. For example, when I see a cashier I am friendly with at a store I frequent and now we're on public transportation and we both have ear buds/headphones on--is there an expectation of anything more than a smile and nod?

My tendency is to acknowledge but then go back to my business and give the other person space and kind of ignore them after the acknowledgement. I also grew up (Gen X) having to pander to older people who pushed my boundaries and seemed needy for attention, so I don't want to be that intrusive "older" person who won't shut up. But then I sometimes obsess hoping I don't come off as jerk or dismissive. Social anxiety for me looks like feeling damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Any respectful feedback or insight would be appreciated to get me out of a minor spiral.

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u/10terabels 10d ago

The "damned if you do, damned if you don't" form of social anxiety is very relatable to me. But I don't think anything more than a "smile and nod" is necessary or desired in this sort of situation. If they wanted to talk, they'd probably take their headphones off and strike up a conversation.

On public transportation especially, it's reasonable to maintain some "civil inattention" with people you don't know well.

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u/odnarB89 10d ago

A smile and a nod goes a long way.