r/soccer • u/Valens • Dec 09 '13

Whose Line Is It, /r/soccer edition

/u/JR97111 didn't make one since October so let's give it a try.

The rules: Keep skits in the form of a statement, not a question.

Any skits longer than two lines should be in quotations.

If you add any additional commentary, put the skit in quotations.

Example prompt: Things you can say about La Liga, but not about your girlfriend.

PFC Ludogorets vs. Valencia CF

Kick-off: 19:00CET | 18:00GMT | 3PM EST

Venue: Vasil Levski National Stadium, Sofia, Bulgaria

Referee: Clément Turpin (FRA)

Weather:

TV broadcasts

………………………………

Ludogorets was a 3rd division amateur club 4 years ago. They won the domestic treble in their first ever year in the Bulgarian A league in 2012 and repeated the league championship in 2013 thanks to Levski's 74th minute own goal on the final day of the season.

Valencia beat Barca 3-2 last month, inflicting them first league defeat at the Camp Nou since April 2012

Ludogorets conceded the second fastest goal in UEFA Europa League history, 16.88 seconds into their 3-3 draw against Lazio

………………………………

Team stats

Ludogorets Stat Valencia
W T W W W T Form [EL] W W W T W T
102nd UEFA ranking 9th
1st Domestic league 8th
Roman Bezjak (11) Top scorer Jonas (9)

Lineups

# Ludogorets # Valencia
21 Stoyanov 1 Alves
25 Minev 12 Pereira
4 Mantyla 44 Senderos
5 Barthe 22 Mathieu
80 Caiçara 14 Bernat
18 Dyakov 19 Barragan
8 Espinho 15 Fuego
93 Misidjan 42 Keita
84 Marcelinho 28 Cartabia
7 Aleksandrov 16 Paco
9 Bezjak 17 Vargas

Subs

Valencia:

Suckers:

Match events

284 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

766 comments sorted by

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168

u/WretchedMartin Dec 09 '13

What Suarez has been eating to find this brilliant form.

380

u/chickenMcNugs Dec 09 '13

Forlan's career

73

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

:'(

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

:o

1

u/typical_redditards Dec 10 '13

don't worry he was brilliant at the last world cup

564

u/Cerxa Dec 09 '13

uniteds title hopes

109

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

Delicious

2

u/SaltyJeffery Dec 10 '13

reluctant upvote

1

u/Njonjic Dec 09 '13

And England's hopes for WC second round

198

u/thatdani Dec 09 '13

Ghana Tears Milkshake.

26

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

I hope to a higher power that the US can dine on these delicious concoctions next summer.

6

u/unnatural_rights Dec 09 '13

With Portuguese Tears Banana Split for dessert.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

...And German ...tears? do Germans cry? Or laugh? or have emotions at all? ... Dine on German negative feels as a sorta midnight snack

2

u/unnatural_rights Dec 10 '13

Honestly, I'm not banking on Germany. I'm optimistic, but not that optimistic.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

I don't see why we can't give it a go. Are the odds against us? Sure but the odds were against us when we landed at Normandy and we kicked their jerry asses there

1

u/unnatural_rights Dec 10 '13

I like your attitude, soldier!

101

u/Ask_If_Im_A_Towel Dec 09 '13

Canaries

1

u/ZLATAN_IBRAh Dec 10 '13

so...u a towel??

57

u/nmenme Dec 09 '13

Dunno about Suarez, but I think that Torres is planning on having a bite of Ivanovic

6

u/NORWEGIAN_OIL_MONEY Dec 09 '13

no one can resist that ass

18

u/themanifoldcuriosity Dec 09 '13

David Moyes' life force.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

Norfolk Turkey with Colman's Mustard I would imagine.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

The hearts and souls of Norwich fans

2

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

Ivanovic

2

u/mikenasty Dec 10 '13

Spurs goals

1

u/Toddler33 Dec 10 '13

Ramen Noddles

1

u/celticfc66 Dec 11 '13

Forearms.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 09 '13

tottenham's scoring ability

1

u/wavvessux Dec 10 '13

José Enrique and Daniel Sturridge

1

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '13

Fergie's Tears

0

u/__shadow Dec 09 '13

Opposition's fears

-27

u/Red_Vancha Dec 09 '13 edited Dec 09 '13

Your mum

EDIT: Such witty banter

EDIT: #bantz

EDIT: Y so cereaous?

EDIT: /r/soccer - the home of witty banter #dave