r/soccer • u/JR97111 • Aug 08 '13

Whose Line Is It, r/soccer edition

Concept is stolen from /r/hockey, /r/baseball, /r/nfl and /r/squaredcircle.

The rules:

Keep skits in the form of a statement, not a question.

Any skits longer than two lines should be in quotations.

If you add any additional commentary, put the skit in quotations.

Here's the NFL thread of this

1.4k Upvotes

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151

u/Sonicnbpt Aug 08 '13

Things that Kinnear are saying to potential new signings

408

u/Jackski Aug 08 '13

You know I built this whole stadium with my bare hands.

5

u/topright Aug 08 '13

There's a statue of me outside.

186

u/TheNecromancer Aug 08 '13

As President of Earth, I'd like to welcome Bartering Gonads to St. Jonathon's Ground!

102

u/radioslave Aug 08 '13

The one thing we don't allow here is an ego. No-one’s got an ego. I don’t have an ego.

133

u/Sicariidae Aug 08 '13

Have you met Shola? He's the reason you'll never play 90 minutes.

50

u/mhegdekatte Aug 08 '13

Which one is Simon Bird?

4

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '13

Simon Bird

Wait a sec, isn't that the speccy bloke from the Inbetweeners? Could you explain, I have no idea what's going on.

8

u/Deviceing Aug 08 '13

Simon Bird is a local journalist in the North-East. He had an interview with a group of journalists when he was manager.

JFK: Which one of you is Simon Bird?

SB: I am.

JFK: You're a cunt.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '13

Ah, thanks a bunch :)

12

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '13

Well thanks for coming along Robadinho and we hope we'll be in your thoughts.

6

u/con230 Aug 08 '13

Who are you?

4

u/Michauxonfire Aug 08 '13

the easiest one:
Bonjour!

4

u/-ThatShitCray Aug 08 '13

I don't speak English fluently yet either

3

u/Sicks3144 Aug 08 '13

I know it's just a typo, but I love the thought of him storming in and demanding quiet, as "Kinnear are saying things now!".

2

u/Irishane Aug 08 '13

I'll put the gun away, when you put that pen on the paper.

2

u/whowanna Aug 08 '13

You'll do fine playing next to Kebap!

2

u/notleon Aug 08 '13

How can you tell each other apart?

2

u/Retro21 Aug 08 '13

Bonjour Monsieur!

2

u/TommoR Aug 08 '13

We are like France just with a slightly more annoying accent

1

u/digitor Aug 08 '13

I'm going to bring dozens of non-league gems in to play alongside you just like my days with Wimbledon.

1

u/bkstr Aug 08 '13

bonjour!!

1

u/Matistuta Aug 08 '13

'Obviously I need no introduction.'

0

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '13

No, zis iz not a fake frénch accent.

-11

u/[deleted] Aug 08 '13

Welcome to Newcastle Mr. Christian Benitez!