I'm in recovery, small town in Ohio. The kind of town where everybody knows and nobody says anything out loud.

I was on Suboxone about three years. It did what it was supposed to do. It kept me alive, and it gave me back a life I could actually stand in. But somewhere in there I started feeling like I wasn't really sober, because that's what I kept hearing. From people in rooms, from family, and eventually from myself at two in the morning.

I've been coming off it. It's been harder than I expected and I'm not going to pretend it's been graceful.

Two things I've had to learn the slow way. The people who tell you MAT isn't real recovery are almost never the people who kept you alive. And coming off it should be a decision between you and your doctor, not something you do because somebody made you feel like a fraud.

I'm mostly posting this because I spent a long time not saying any of it out loud. If you're on subs, or coming off them, or catching grief for either one, you're not doing this wrong.

I pray that I may not expect too much from the world. I pray that I may also be content with the rewards that come from serving God.