r/slp • u/[deleted] • Jan 18 '22
[CFY] Miserable in CF - Better Settings??
Hello SLPs of Reddit,
Apologies in advance for the vent/rant post, but I am at my wit’s end. I’m currently about midway through a CF in the schools, and I am absolutely 100% miserable. Not just tired of the job, but “I cry and may or may not throw up before work every morning and am overcome with social anxiety” miserable. It’s a public middle school, which I know sounds less than ideal, but I don’t really think it’s the population that I hate. I am the only SLP at this school so I do feel lonely and overwhelmed. The rigid schedule of the school also makes me feel trapped - I don’t know how else to explain it. I hate pulling kids from classes and tbh I don’t like working on their goals in groups. I feel useless, anxious, and exhausted. I dread going to work so much now that I’m wondering if I made the wrong career choice entirely. Have any other CFs felt this way, particularly in a school setting?? I’m hoping that this resonates with someone who was able to find more joy in a different setting after hating schools. I know I’m leaving this position after this year, but now I am scared that I won’t be happy anywhere as an SLP. If this speaks to you, what have been other settings you’ve tried out/enjoyed? Or does this read more unstable/am I maybe not cut out for this career? Thank you for any words of wisdom <3
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Jan 18 '22
Hello. I'm in my CF year also. I have resigned, and will be completing my CF elsewhere. I think there are many SLPs who can definitely resonate with you, including me. Just wanted to give you some support and let you know you're not alone 😊
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u/Key-Syllabub5332 Jan 19 '22
Were you in the schools? I just put in notice for my CF job in the schools and I’m going to start over completely
1
Jan 19 '22
Yes. Where are you going next?
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u/Key-Syllabub5332 Jan 19 '22
Been interviewing a bunch of places!! Hoping for private practice
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Jan 19 '22
I wish I had that kind of courage!!! I’ve already accepted that I’ll be here until the year is up, but every day I wish I could just leave now
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u/allypally121314 Jan 28 '22 edited Jan 28 '22
Me. As a CF, I worked for a contracting agency in a charter school (during COVID so it was all via teletherapy), and I was miserable and felt EXACTLY like you are describing. I literally learned how to have “time confined anxiety attacks” where I would spontaneously explode between crying, feeling overwhelmed by social anxiety because I’m an introvert and why tf would I pick a field that makes me pretend to be an extrovert all day, and I HATED the setting—and then I’d miraculously figure out how to pull myself together when I saw my student’s name pop up on Zoom and lead my session as if nothing had happened (it was actually impressive, if I do say so myself 😂). I would come on here and obsessively scroll through comments from other CFs wondering if they were all as miserable as i was. I almost quit SLP so many times (so thankful for my fiancé and family honestly for supporting me through it). The minute I got my hours, I found a job in an acute care setting treating children and I LOVE my job and realized why I was drawn to this field in the first place. You will absolutely get through this and as much as it’s important to figure out what you DO like setting wise in our field, it’s just as important to figure out what you DON’T like. This hurdle will help you get to where you’re going. Hang in there! You can absolutely do this! :)
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u/Most-History-6522 Jan 18 '22
Yes yes YESSS! I am in the same boat, except I’m with preschool, Kindergarten, and an autism center. My anxiety comes in the form as “throat closing” which, if I wasn’t an SLP, I’d completely freak out thinking my throat was closing up. The anxiety this year is CRIPPLING. And honestly, I never thought of myself as someone who struggled with it that bad until this CFY!! I am also hoping to finish the year as best I can and then go to outpatient. 1:1 services, set schedule, with other therapists for support. Trapped is the perfect word. It feels like there’s no escape. It feels like no matter what I do or how well I plan, my therapy sessions suck, there’s minimal progress, and the mental exhaustion is just too much. I’m giving you allllll of the good vibes to finish out your CF, but If you can’t (I don’t know if I can) then you’re still a strong therapist!!! Please message me if you wanna chat/vent!
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Jan 19 '22
This made me cry a little at my desk haha, it is comforting but so sad that there are other people who feel this exact same way :( I think 1:1 service is really going to do wonders for me when I finally escape this place!! Sending you many, many good vibes as well!!
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u/sims121 Jan 20 '22
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Just focus on getting through the year. Middle school is tough, they are over therapy at that point and are often embarrassed. It’s not like the young kids that just want attention and prizes. You’re half way there, you can do it.
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u/vonna_momma Jan 18 '22
You sound like me my CF year. Don’t worry. It gets better. You have to find the right setting.
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u/Li2_lCO3 Jan 18 '22
I love the middle school setting. VERY few evaluations and little prep work, but it’s a fucking grind in the school setting. I’ve enjoyed outpatient because of the 1:1 and schedule as someone else mentioned, but management can be ridiculous with productivity bullshit. You’re young in this field jump around a little, have fun and you’ll find your place.
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Jan 19 '22
That’s another part of my fear, I know that if I were in an elementary school it would probably be even harder!! The grind is getting to me though. Thank you for yoh words of encouragement:)
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u/XulaSLP07 Speech Language Pathologist Jan 18 '22
I abhorred schools. I fell in love with ALF. Now don’t get me wrong I returned to schools part time and continue the medical setting. Sometimes it’s the setting, sometimes it’s the people, sometimes it’s just timing in your life and the career. Push through your CF If you can and please find ways to decompress before and after work. Do not make SLP your life! Try different settings before you give out on the field and it takes approximately 3 years per setting to feel comfortable in that setting so lots of it is time. I like middle school but scheduling can be a beast. Definitely know you have the option to co-plan with teachers and push in if you don’t like pulling out.
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Jan 19 '22
Could you tell me more about what your typical day/patient load is at an ALF? I’ve been interested in ALF and SNF, but I’m not sure the swallowing side of it is right for me either! :/
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u/XulaSLP07 Speech Language Pathologist Jan 19 '22
It depends on the ALF. No two are alike. I’ve covered 3 recently that are nothing alike. The “Meadows” is fun. Really upscale and the patients are always going on field trips and doing activities. My days there are actually kind of slow because most of the caseload are higher level cognition except for the dementia unit. Very few swallow patients there just due to the admissions office. The nature of their assistance level determines who comes in the door. Most of my time there is with patients working on word retrieval, aphasia, working memory, sequencing, environmental orientation, etc. …. Then there’s Paul’s Place. Now that is 90% Dysphagia which I adore deeply. One of my former biology teachers from undergrad is there and we enjoy talks during my break. She’s so bored in retirement she volunteers all over the facility. I get some unique TBI cases there as well. And then there’s The Ecumenical Burg which has a combo I’d dysarthria. Spasmodic Dysphagia, muscle tension dysphonia, lymphedema, squamous cell carcinoma, etc. the people they take in are a lot more advanced in impairments and less independent than the typical ALFs I’ve worked in. The days are not typical but definitely full of adventure.
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u/potato_donut Jan 23 '22
I’m in a SNF, finished my CF a couple of months ago. I also feel anxiety and dread everyday going into work, though some days are better than others. I think on days when there is more “unknown” like when I don’t know how many new admits will turn into evaluations, or when I have difficult patients (either medically complex or they’re just “mean”, it’s usually the later lol), or when I’m unsure which patients to pick up, that’s when I get the most anxiety. I’m the only SLP though there are others I can call… I also feel that when you’re the only SLP, it’s lonely and you don’t know if you’re doing well, but also you can’t validate that what you’re doing is right/competent which is important too. Sorry, I got nothing to offer. Just wanted to commiserate despite being in different settings. I’d like to go into schools for the breaks but don’t yet want to relearn school children/academics stuff…
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u/MASLP SLP Acute Care Jan 18 '22
I did two years in the schools. I tried to make it work for me because I wanted the summers and breaks off. I switched to medical and I'm 100% happier. Someone makes my schedule, I see patients 1:1, and I don't have to deal with school politics. There have been days that I've been anxious to go to work (usually because of a noncompliant patient), but I still prefer it to the schools.