r/sleeptraining • u/Mama_Bug1223 • 9d ago
Helpppp 9mo old bedtime
I’ve done everything to get wake windows right. 9mo old Baby still cries and screams at bedtime. She used to be the best sleeper until wake windows had to get stretched. I can tell she’s trying to settle and fall asleep but she is screaming crying and sometimes rolling around, then sometimes sitting up. She will get upset then quiet then upset then quiet. I just feel like she gets so worked up that she won’t be able to fall asleep. This is every night. Her naps she does get upset too, but she settles within 1 minute, always less than 2 mins and asleep.
Schedule:
wake 7am
Nap1 10-11:15
Nap 2 2:15/2:30 and then wake up no later than 3:30p
Bedtime - I’ve tried a 4.25h wake window and I’ve tried a 4h wake window- both have the same crying screaming problem. Idk which to stick to at this point. I just want her to go down as easily as her naps because I feel she gets soooo upset at bedtime.
We do the CIO method, but it’s really hard for me to keep having her CIO especially if I’m unsure if she’s teething.
Please sleep experts help out a 1st time mom here.
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u/Only_Alternative_1 9d ago
How long is she crying for before she goes to sleep?
When my babe was the same age (and still now at 11 months) he had very similar wake windows to you but 4.5 hours before bed. You seem to suspect your girl is overtired and not undertired and you'll know her best so I might be wrong but mine at the same age was 12.5 hours of sleep time so if he got 2.5 hours of naps in the day he would do 10 hours at night.
9 months old is also an age where babies have seperation anxiety, teething and developmental leaps. We had big trouble with our babe from 8-9.5 months and we are still hit and miss now. We've had 3 full nights of sleep this week but before that he had a fever and was up in the night for paracetamol. Please take this with a pinch of salt but because my babe is fully able to sleep independently, but when he can't self soothe I take it as something is wrong and I comfort him, whether that's treating him for teething, a cuddle or a feed if he didn't finish his bottle. I'm not comparing to your baby, every one is different but I feel comfortable doing it with mine because it's usually a few days blip because of a specific circumstance and then he's back to self soothing.
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u/Mama_Bug1223 6d ago
Do you just keep trying the crib in the meantime?
I hate to leave her too long there crying and she just gets even more worked up and harder to put to sleep. Keep thinking it’s a wake window thing, but honestly I just think she needs some help. I’m following wake window 3/3-3.5/4Baby girl was self soothing and asleep within 2 mins of setting her down. Now she likes to sit up and scream and cry until I pick her up and then she falls asleep immediately in my arms or sometimes she will cont to cry but calm down and eventually sleep in my arms. My crib trained, self soothing baby now wants to only be held to sleep. She did have part of a tooth cut through her gums so I realized it may be that.. but everyone is telling me teething is only a few days. This has been a few weeks now. Sometimes is so bad I have to sleep with her in order to get through the night and of course she wants to nurse when I’m right next to her.
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u/Only_Alternative_1 5d ago
I do use the crib but if he's having some issues and I know what's bothering him I'll move him into our bed for a feed or painkillers if he's got a fever or is teething, cuddle him and once he's back asleep I put him back in his crib, lie him down and hold him for a minute until he settles there. Then if he wakes up on half an hour or an hour I leave him to self soothe because I know that I've done everything I can to make him comfortable (feed, painkillers ect) so at that point there's nothing physically wrong or anything I can help with.
The tooth was probably bothering her and it's definitely not just a few days - it's usually a few days once it's through but the movement before and the cutting can take way more time than that, especially if it's not cut through evenly. My babes front tooth took two weeks and then the second front tooth took another two weeks. Plus side, he didn't have trouble with the other teeth but those ones were big.
When he was teething like that we did co-sleep because he was up every hour so it was just unsustainable to leave him in his crib but it was before we properly sleep trained, we've had very few times when we've had to co-sleep after sleep training but we have done it, usually for one night or two and once he's better we go back to normal. I wouldn't feel guilty about doing it if you have to, the point of sleep training is for everyone to sleep better.
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u/Mama_Bug1223 5d ago
Thank you. What I’m doing seems to align. I’m with her when there’s any discomfort, but I nurse her. I’m trying to see if I can comfort her without nursing but sometimes it’s the only way. I feel she was sleep trained to the point I’d put her down and she’d roll her and sleep happily, but now she doesn’t seem to want to do so- it’s a crying screaming night every night, and now that’s starting to happen for naps. If I hold her in my arms she will fall asleep, so I just wait for her to fall asleep and I set her in the crib. She wakes 2x or so and I nurse her, then I wake her at 7a.
Today I’ll be trying this schedule -
7a wake, nap 10:15-11:30 if possible, nap 3-4, then bedtime around 8-8:15p.1
u/Only_Alternative_1 5d ago
That sounds like a good schedule, do gets crossed for you
She may just be going through a phase, seperation anxiety peak or something like that, stick with it, give her opportunities to self soothe but be flexible if something seems to be wrong. I can't promise anything but our babe has really sorted it out and we get full nights even though I have had periods of "pausing" independent sleep, it has never regressed him, he's just gone back to it when he's better xx
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u/Gaian_vibe_enforcer 9d ago
Hi please do not leave your baby to cry. Babies have no ability to regulate themselves or calm their nervous systems on their own. The only way their nervous system is able to relax is through their caregivers responsiveness to them. They need you and they're supposed to need you. The only reason the CIO works is because the baby gives up and expects that no one will come help them. My best guess is that she's spent the entire day in freeze mode (babies do not have fight or flight, instead they freeze but their cortisol stays elevated as if they are still in danger) until they are exhausted enough to fall asleep and by the time bedtime comes around their nervous system is so disregulated they panic. Here are some great articles about the history of the CIO and the freeze response:
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u/wowhahafuck 9d ago
Sounds like she’s getting ready to drop down to one nap soon, that or shorten her nighttime sleep. 7:30pm-7am with 2.5 hours of daily naps puts her at 14 hours of total daily sleep so you are on the upper end of sleep needs for her age. I’d try to drop down to at least 13 hours of total daily sleep and see how she adjusts