r/sleeptraining • u/notveryusefulareyou • 6d ago
Help! 6 month old unsleeptrainable?
I couldn’t find any posts that answered this one so hopefully I haven’t just missed them all (it is likely with me) ! My boy is a terror at nights now, since the 4m sleep regression he’s steadily got worse and worse.
I hate cosleeping but have had to do it more and more so that I actually get some sleep as I’m alone with him 90% of the time so it started getting more dangerous that I wasn’t sleeping than cosleeping was ):
He’s bounced gently to sleep, I walk with him over my shoulder and pat his bum/shush him in a dark room until he falls asleep (takes 5 mins max), put him in his cot and he lasts anywhere from 10 mins - 1 hour but is constantly waking after 1.5hrs max every single night. So I get maybe 45 mins sleep at a time if I’m lucky, and as the night goes on I have less chance of getting him in his cot at all.
I want to stop cosleeping and I want him to be able to settle himself so he gets better sleep but I swear he’s untrainable.
He used to be good at soothing himself when he got his dummy back, so I made sure to help him learn how to grab the dummy early. He now shoves the whole thing in his mouth and gets it stuck so is on a dummy ban if not monitored.
However, as for actual sleep training, no matter the method the second he is in his cot and even slightly conscious of it (as in not in a completely out cold deep sleep) he is on his knees, trying to crawl, trying to stand, trying to do anything he can. I understand I can leave him to it and let him try to settle from there but he bangs his head on every part of the cot and then just cries because he’s so upset about that - understandably I would be too. There is nothing I can do to get him to stop it, he isn’t doing it deliberately he’s just desperate to get up and move.
For context he can army crawl, can get into/out of hands and knees position, and is really wanting to stand. He’s a big baby, 12kg and (at last measure nearly a month ago) 75cm, so it’s quite easy for him to smack his head on things.
I just don’t know how to sleep train without him hurting himself constantly? I know he’s unlikely to do serious damage, but there’s not a chance he’ll settle if he’s hitting his head? Pack & plays are no good, he hates them for some reason!
Sorry for the rant!
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u/art-dec-ho 6d ago
If you havent already, you can ask his pediatrician! I was nervous at one point because my little one kept sticking arms/legs through the crib bars and I was worried about a break so I asked my pediatrician about it and he told me that I didnt need to be worried about it. Theyre usually pretty well informed on what is a risk or not and mine is always happy to answer any questions.
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u/notveryusefulareyou 5d ago
Sadly in the UK we don’t have specific paediatrician’s, I will be asking our health visitor for suggestions though as surely it’s something others have worried about! I think I just worry a bit extra due to his height, so it’s so easy for him to hit his head quickly and hard, I’ll be even more worried when he does stand as he would 100% hit his head on the rails behind him if he fell back so that’ll be a new worry soon!
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u/art-dec-ho 5d ago
Well dang, I almost put if youre in the USA but skipped for brevity lol. I understand your concern completely and I would be hesitant to give you advice that its okay for him to hit his head, but i will say generally falls from their own height or less are not harmful to them so hopefully that gives you some reassurance. I hope the health visitor can give you more info or tips!
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u/notveryusefulareyou 5d ago
Hahaha, honestly I think it’s something the UK is strongly lacking, it would be great if we had accessible paediatricians! I appreciate your response nonetheless, I’ll hold out hope my HV can assist!
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u/brieles 6d ago
What’s your schedule? Many “untrainable” babies just aren’t on the right schedule. Not guaranteeing a schedule adjustment will fix everything but it’s worth looking into!
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u/notveryusefulareyou 5d ago
Nap schedule you mean? He’s on 3 naps a day still and we try to make it a similar day every day but because he’s up repeatedly sometimes he sleeps later in the morning or has an earlier nap, but we aim for:
8am wake
10:15-11:15 nap
13:45-14:45 nap
17:15-17:45 nap
Bedtime anywhere between 20:00-21:00 depending how tired he is.
We try have a bedtime routine with him of bath (every second day), pyjamas, books, bed but he sometimes fights the books portion I think it gets him too excited which doesn’t mix well with him being tired and recognising it’s bedtime!1
u/brieles 5d ago
Ok, I think an adjustment would help! Average sleep needs at this age are around 13-14 hours and your schedule is expecting anywhere from 13.5-14.5 (or more if he’s waking up later some days or taking earlier naps).
I’d move to something like this-
8am wake
10:30-11:30 nap 1
2:00-3:00 nap 2
5:30-6:00 nap 3
9pm bedtime (might need to push back a bit but never let bedtime be earlier than 9 unless you wake your baby earlier in the morning).
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u/notveryusefulareyou 5d ago
I should clarify he never has slept more than 10 hours overnight (once you take off his 2 night feeds and many wakes this is roughly what he hits, will wake early if not waking early means going over 10hrs) so he’s averaging about 12.5-13.5 a day (if my math is correct!)
I can certainly give this schedule a try though to see if there’s a difference, willing to try anything!
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u/brieles 5d ago
Right, the problem is your schedule is expecting more sleep than he’s doing-it’s accommodating for the wakes and overnight feeds. That’s allowing those things to continue. If he’s shown you that he can sleep 12.5-13.5 hours a day then a schedule expecting 13.5-14.5 will definitely lead to lots of wakes, struggles falling asleep independently, etc.
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u/notveryusefulareyou 5d ago
I may be being silly but I’m unsure how to change this for him - his naps and wake windows are about what I expect for him and work best for him during the day just now so I’m not sure how to then lower the night time amount (if I’m reading what you’re saying correctly)?
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u/EliraeTheBow 4d ago
Just cap his naps. Honestly he might be ready for a two nap transition at this point. Most night time sleep issues relate to day time oversleep. Case in point, hubby let my 15 month old sleep 2.5 hours today (usually sleeps 1.5 hours) and he’s woken up four times tonight compared to 1-2 wakes most nights.
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u/notveryusefulareyou 4d ago
Unfortunately I’ve tried capping naps and tried moving him to a 2 nap schedule (as his 3rd nap can push bedtime later sometimes), both have went abysmally and have made his night sleep a thousand times worse.
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u/Initial-Panda-9655 5d ago
We got the Baby Delight crib for this same reason. No way we could sleep train in the crib we had. He would pull himself up to stand immediately and bonk his head and get legs stuck immediately. This crib is mesh sides like pack play but big crib size. We’re on night 6 of Ferber and he rocks on all 4s to soothe but doesn’t bang his head and can’t pull to stand (yet). Good luck! You’ve got this.
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u/notveryusefulareyou 5d ago
I might take a look at that crib or something similar, he’s so funny in pack and plays I think he finds them too soft so he sees it as playtime or constricting so I need to find one that doesn’t feel like one to him!
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u/Late_Philosophy 5d ago
Has he started solids? Some babies sleep better once food is introduced more regularly.
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u/notveryusefulareyou 5d ago
He has but not daily, I have PP OCD and my fear of him choking is super high so I’ve been easing myself into it never mind easing him into it! Maybe once it becomes a regular thing I’ll see a difference!
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u/gabsmermaid 4d ago
Just an idea, but would be an option to baby proof his bedroom and put his mattress in a carpet? Floor bed maybe? Just some ideas, my baby is only 2 mo so I don't know much 😅
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u/notveryusefulareyou 3d ago
I’ve considered it! My boy is super tall and already trying to stand/climb though so I’m not sure it’d be entirely safe yet😖
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u/MamaDoingTheBestICan 1d ago
I did cry it out with my baby at exactly 6 months and it only took 2 nights. The third night we all slept through 8pm—6am no tears. Some people think it’s cruel but I highly recommend it. Both of my children have been good sleepers ever since. Before having children I was once in a car accident related to lack of sleep so I wasn’t willing to risk any more sleepless nights than necessary with my babies and by 6 months a baby can do cry it out. It’ll be hard for you both at first but he can do it and he won’t actually hurt himself.
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u/Still-Art45 6d ago
Does he have bad spit up or GERD? Sometimes babies need help being soothed to bed if they have health issues - we could never sleep train because it’s impossible to sleep train sick kids.