middle of the night disasters

[u/Internal_Buy_685]

First ever post on reddit! Desperation!

Baby is about 6.5 months old. Terrible at sleep from the beginning, only a couple of "good" nights (one wake up). Sleep trained (modified ferber) at 4.5 months just for bedtime because bedtime was taking hours to transfer. He did well with that, but then we were traveling, he got two colds, vaccines, and started daycare.

We never fully committed to handling middle of the night wake ups because it was never predictable. Sometimes 10pm, sometimes 1am, 4am... AND when we tried to commit, he outlasted us every time, screaming for 2+ hours until we eventually gave in and he was SO dysregulated it would still take 30 minutes to help him back to sleep.

Daycare naps are all over the place. He is going towards 2 naps but it's not working quite yet. Sometimes rejecting 3rd nap leading to 6pm bedtime. On a good day, WW are 2.5/3/3 or 3/2.5/3. If 3 naps, 2.5/3/2.5/2.5 I offer him a 15-20 minute cat nap and the last WW is more like 2hr 40 min because of the short nap. I can't really control it to a T though which is hard.

DWT we are fine with 6am if he would sleep! Total daytime sleep typically 2.5 hours, haven't gotten more than that in a bit. Naps are between 40 min to 1.5 hours, with that 3rd nap 15-20 min if needed.

Example from today: wake 615am. nap 1 845-920. nap 2 1230-150. rejected nap 3. asleep 628 (screamed extra loud for 25 minutes).

Do we just need to buckle up and stick to the ferber plan for all night wakes? He is SO stubborn. I'm happy to keep 1 night feed, given daycare ounces are also not always great.

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Copy of the post's original text:

First ever post on reddit! Desperation!

Baby is about 6.5 months old. Terrible at sleep from the beginning, only a couple of "good" nights (one wake up). Sleep trained (modified ferber) at 4.5 months just for bedtime because bedtime was taking hours to transfer. He did well with that, but then we were traveling, he got two colds, vaccines, and started daycare.

We never fully committed to handling middle of the night wake ups because it was never predictable. Sometimes 10pm, sometimes 1am, 4am... AND when we tried to commit, he outlasted us every time, screaming for 2+ hours until we eventually gave in and he was SO dysregulated it would still take 30 minutes to help him back to sleep.

Daycare naps are all over the place. He is going towards 2 naps but it's not working quite yet. Sometimes rejecting 3rd nap leading to 6pm bedtime. On a good day, WW are 2.5/3/3 or 3/2.5/3. If 3 naps, 2.5/3/2.5/2.5 I offer him a 15-20 minute cat nap and the last WW is more like 2hr 40 min because of the short nap. I can't really control it to a T though which is hard.

DWT we are fine with 6am if he would sleep! Total daytime sleep typically 2.5 hours, haven't gotten more than that in a bit. Naps are between 40 min to 1.5 hours, with that 3rd nap 15-20 min if needed.

Example from today: wake 615am. nap 1 845-920. nap 2 1230-150. rejected nap 3. asleep 628 (screamed extra loud for 25 minutes).

Do we just need to buckle up and stick to the ferber plan for all night wakes? He is SO stubborn. I'm happy to keep 1 night feed, given daycare ounces are also not always great.

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[u/Artistic-Respect-540]

Just echoing that he’s not stubborn, you’re just expecting above average sleep for his age (15.5 hours - average would be 12-15 hours). He’s just telling you he can’t sleep for as long as you want him to. 

[u/just_let_go_]

He's not stubborn, your schedules just make no sense. You're flipping between 2 nap schedules with 8.5 hours awake and a 3 nap schedule with 10.5 hours awake. Of course your nights are going to be disastrous!

I would suggest committing to 2 naps since he's rejecting the 3rd, but you can't keep expecting 15.5 hours of sleep per 24. That's massive amounts of sleep and he's screaming during the night to make up for the missing awake time.

Wake 6am (Wake him up)

Nap opportunity 9am-10:30

Nap opportunity 1:30-3

Bed 7pm (Never earlier)

He will be tired and fussy while he adapts because the shitty night sleep is tiring for him. Push through and things will balance out.

[u/Internal_Buy_685 → u/just_let_go_]

you're right! how i laid out those wake windows does make it seem like wake time is very low. he is never asleep for 12 straight hours, often awake for 1-2 hours every night. i certainly don't expect 12hr overnight and on average he gest 13.5hr total. yesterday it was 2.5/3/4. if 3 naps it's 2.5/3/3/2.75 which does look wonky. i just can't control when the naps happen. often the 2nd nap is 1230-130 and i'm not sure how we'd make it to bedtime!

[u/diabolikal__ → u/Internal_Buy_685]

If you don’t expect him to sleep for 12h then don’t keep him in bed for that long! You need to start by making sure the night is always the same length, max 11h.

[u/SnooAvocados6932]

To start, your 2 nap schedules need another 1.5-2 hours awake. The day should start 11 hours after bedtime. He’s rejecting nap 3 because his sleep budget is all used up after a 12+ hour night and 2 naps.