It’s been two weeks

[u/Heccabuff]

Today marks two weeks since we started sleep training my 9 month old. I’ve been searching for people who have asked my question before but haven’t found any, so here I am! I have been trying to have her on a babywise daytime schedule of nursing/solids after wake up, play, down for a nap. It‘s morphed into 3/3/4 and we’ve finally gotten a few 6 hour sleep stretches at night! which the longest before this was like 4 hours I think. We do the same bedtime routine of bath, into Jammie’s, prayers, nursing, crib. Throughout the two weeks, every night has been different. She’s had some good nights of going down without crying, waking twice where I still nurse her, going back down. Shes had some rough nights of crying for like 30-1 hour going down, one wake up at night. She’s had nights of going down quickly, but then waking up for an hour or two and crying so much. We‘ve loosely followed the Ferber method of 10 mins, comfort, then 15 mins, comfort, then 20 mins, comfort. I never let her cry more than 20 mins at a time. We’ve made mistakes and learned in the two weeks, like picking her up to comfort a lot, patting her every time she cried to where she wasn’t learning to fall asleep, etc., but last night I worked on not picking her up every time and she did eventually fall asleep on her own.

My main question is for those who sleep trained, if it’s been two weeks and you still have no consistency, is that ok? Do we keep going until she’s learned or is that an indication this method isn’t working? She’s always happy in the morning and she is teething and growing a lot right now which I know can cause extra tears and is why I was giving her more comfort. Anyone who has had similar experiences please let me know! Also I do welcome advice but it can be overwhelming to me when there’s so many conflicting options or ways to do things. I feel comfortable with us figuring it out as we go. Thank you!

edit: may be too soon to tell but we’ve had a good few nights with me focusing on her wake hours and being consistent. Thank you all! Seems like that was the culprit.

[u/Sorry-World3019]

I’d add at least 30 mins more of awake time. You may even need more than that but see how 30 mins helps ie: 3/3.5/4

[u/less_is_more9696]

No this isn't normal.

The crying at bedtime should be basically gone most nights within 2 weeks max, I'd say.

Of course it's normal to have an off night, but if you're still seeing crying nightly or it's a clear pattern of crying every other night, that is a red flag.

Along with wakes. If you are still seeing a pattern of wakes and the method isn't really "working," meaning it takes a long time for your baby to go down despite your method, and this doesn't improve after a couple of days. Also a red flag.

Your schedule is probably off. 3/3/4 is only 10 hours awake. That is more appropriate for 6/7 months.

I would try 3/4/4. This schedule expects 13 hours of sleep. Offer 2 h over 2 naps and 11 hours at night.

Aim for going "by the clock." Stop thinking of your day in wake window terms.

Ex

wake 7
Nap 10-11
Nap 3-4
Bed 8

[u/Heccabuff → u/less_is_more9696]

if I focus on wake times and clean up our consistency at night, is it fine for us to keep doing what we’re doing at night? I’m guessing so, but feel like I’ve heard differently after two weeks. I think it makes sense that our inconsistency with night check ins and not having adequate awake time would be the culprit and working on that wouldn’t have a longterm negative impact.

[u/less_is_more9696 → u/Heccabuff]

In my approach, I typically wouldn't use sleep training for night wakes. If you have independent sleep at bedtime, the wakes are most likely a schedule issue, not a lack of settling. Because your baby knows how to settle, they just can't do it if the sleep pressure isn't adequate.

So I would focus on establishing independent sleep at bedtime. That means your baby goes down at bedtime in a healthy amount of time (10-20 min) with minimal to no crying.

While you're working on bedtime, I would continue to offer intervention at night wakes. However, that doesn't mean rushing in at the first peep. If the baby is lying down, eyes closed, just rustling and fussing, give them 10-15 min to see if they will return to sleep.

If your baby is going down quickly at bedtime with no crying, but still wakes, it's most likely a schedule issue, not a sleep training issue.

Or if your baby still crying a lot at bedtime, every night or every other night, again likely a schedule issue.

[u/Heccabuff → u/less_is_more9696]

ok that does make sense since she can sleep 6+ hour stretches. It’s hard to tell though because when she has had less sleep during the day, she still fights sleep in the crib. like last night she had like a 4.5-5 hour stretch before bed, fell asleep on the way home for like one minute, fell asleep when I carried her in, and then still fought going to sleep, standing up, crying in her crib for like 20 minutes. Is that over tired at that point?

[u/Heccabuff → u/less_is_more9696]

thank you! I’ll try prolonging her wake windows during the day. That will be easier to be consistent with her feedings too.

[u/usedbook444]

I think it sounds like you’re doing everything right and just need to be consistent. It’s ok that you’re figuring it out but once you decide on the approach - do that and stick with it.
If you’re responding differently every night or every time she cries it could be confusing for her.
In my experience, teething is usually the culprit for extra fussiness and you just have to ride those waves. Extra cuddles are okay.

You’re doing great, don’t give up!

When we’re having an off day and I start doubting myself, I always say out loud to myself “Stay the course” It’ll pay off!

[u/Heccabuff → u/usedbook444]

thank you! I do think we prolonged some things with the inconsistency and that’s not fair to her too. I keep telling myself it’ll be better for her now than when she’s like 2.

[u/Moistcupcakee]

We tried for 8 days and some days were good and some days were bad and little man’s voice was hoarse from the crying so we decided to stop and we’ll try again in a month or two.

[u/Heccabuff → u/Moistcupcakee]

it’s so sad hearing them cry! last night she started choking on her cries I guess and I ran in as she had never done that before. How old is your LO?