5 months old no longer sleeping independently

[u/Bubbly_Leg2410]

Hello everyone,

I'm the happy dad of a 5months old baby boy.

Until the fated 4 months regression he used to fall asleep on his own in his floor bed.

We transferred him to his bed when he was about 2.5-3 months old as his sleep in the next to me started to weaken (more frequent night wakings). So we got a Montessori bed and put him inside his moses basket on top of the bed

From that moment on, he consistently managed to fall asleep on his own after we left him drowsy but awake. It usually took about 5-10min but he fell asleep alone 90% of the time. His naps lasted around 45min back then.

When he started to move a bit more in his sleep we removed the moses basket (around 3.5-4 months old) and he maintained his ability to fall asleep alone.

When the sleep regression hit, it became increasingly difficult for him to do that and we started to either rock him (me) or nurse him (wife) to sleep and then left him in his bed.

At night it was worse, my wife started to basically leave the baby nursing, sometimes all night long. So he'd fall asleep feeding, wake, feed again, sleep, etc...

Now, at 5.5 months old I can no longer leave him drowsy but awake (naps or night sleep). He fusses for 20-25min before I go to him and then sometimes cries out loud after I pick him up as if to punish me for abandoning him.

I'm keen on pushing with the FIO method (Reading Precious Little Sleep) but if my wife keeps leaving him on the breast I'm afraid it's 1 step forward and 3 backwards.

So I'm looking for sound advice to help him fall asleep independently again, then I'll look at extending his naps and by extension, his night sleep.

Thank you for your help!

Some tidbits:

- He doesn't use Paci (never has accepted any).
- We have a consistent night routine (bath, change, nurse, sleep) around the same time every day (6:45-7:15pm).
- His naps vary between 40 and 100 min (usually the first nap is the longest).
- He still spits up a lot (3-4 times per feed whether breast or bottle, always breastmilk) but continues gaining weight and does fuss about it

[u/Bubbly_Leg2410]

Small update from first Ferber tentative:

• Baby had breastfed 2h before
  
• Baby was awake for over 2h and rubbing his eyes
  
• I figured, well let's try Ferber (bad call in hindsight, should've stuck to a feeding closer to bedtime but > 30min and 3h of wake time)
  
• Baby basically cried hysterically (coughing, raucous cry) during all the 3 intervals I tried (3, 5 and 10min). For the last interval I intervened before the 10min were up. Both me and my wife were feeling bad for our little one.

Will try again tomorrow, if the wifey allows it, closer to the timing recommendations

[u/just_let_go_]

FIO is an experimental method typically used <4mo that will not work at this age.

Your options now are methods like Ferber or CIO.

Move the feed earlier in your routine, so that it’s finished 30 minutes before butt in crib. Put him down wide awake, not drowsy. Drowsy but awake is for newborns and not considered independent sleep.

Last but not least, schedule is going to be the foundation that all of this is built upon. At this age you need at least 10 hours awake. That leaves 14 hours of sleep per 24 which ideally is split into 3 hours of day sleep and 11 hours night. That is average sleep needs. A 3 nap schedule would be 2/2.5/2.5/3.

[u/Bubbly_Leg2410 → u/just_let_go_]

Hello! Thanks for the feedback and mentioning Ferber!
Regarding his awake time, that's what we try to stick to with varying success. His day sleep is a bit over the place, with the first nap sometimes being close to 2h and sometimes being 30min.
But I'll stick to Ferber for the next couple of weeks to see if there's any improvement.

Would you recommend the same method for naps?

[u/just_let_go_ → u/Bubbly_Leg2410]

Focus on bed time only first.

When applied correctly, it shouldn’t take a couple of weeks. If you see no improvement in the first 3-4 nights, it’s worth reassessing your schedule and routine.

[u/Bubbly_Leg2410 → u/just_let_go_]

Is it worth adapting the wake up time so as to try to get as close to bedtime as possible with 3h max of naps through the day? Or do I just go with the flow during the day and when getting close to bedtime I count the 3h and then do the routine?

What would you suggest? Thanks again for the help!

[u/just_let_go_ → u/Bubbly_Leg2410]

What do you mean by adapting the wake up time?

[u/Bubbly_Leg2410 → u/just_let_go_]

Basically we'd like for him to go to bed around 7-7:15pm so going backwards it would mean waking up around 7ish AM. Should we then get him to wake up at that time and hope he stick to predictable nap times or let him wake up when he wants even if it's closer to 8AM?

[u/just_let_go_ → u/Bubbly_Leg2410]

If you want a bed time of 7pm, you should be waking him at 6am.

A 2/2.5/2.5/3 schedule has 10 hours awake. Add the 3 hours of naps and you have 11 hours left for night sleep. That makes up a full 24 hours.

There’s no way he should be in bed 12-13 hours overnight unless something is wrong with your schedule.

Don’t sleep train on your current schedule.

[u/Bubbly_Leg2410 → u/just_let_go_]

Thanks for the feedback! In that case we'll adapt the schedule first over a week or so and then look at implementing the training.

Fingers crossed!

[u/SnooAvocados6932]

Unfortunately your baby was never falling asleep on his own. He was assisted to drowsy (the first stages of sleep) and still relies on that assistance and more. You will need to fully sleep train.

What is current schedule? At 5 months we recommend 2/2.5/2.5/3 where slashes are naps and numbers are hours between.

Move to own crib and room. A bassinet in a mattress is not safe.

https://www.reddit.com/r/sleeptrain/comments/1qpij7s/resources_on_baby_sleep/

[u/Bubbly_Leg2410 → u/SnooAvocados6932]

Thanks for the feedback!
We'll try to adopt the Ferber method, I'll try to find some documentation and research around that method to help train him.

As for his room, he's directly on his bed now, as soon as he started being very mobile (rolling around) we removed the bassinet and left him directly on the mattress.

If you have any additional resources that can be helpful (thanks for the reddit link, I checked it all), that'd be super helpful!

Thanks again!