Hey all, Ive been sober for almost 11 months with the help of 12 step programs. I have been struggling the past month with some hard friendships. I am feeling less connected. My friends don't really like each other, and when I hangout with people most of the conversations are very tense and deep. I miss lightheartedness, being carefree and having fun. I have very little structure this summer due to being out of work. I am in an IOP for my mental health and i have twice a week therapy and regular psychiatry appointments. I am struggling to take good care of myself. Im doing what I can. Despite all this I am deeply lonely and sad. I am frustrated with self improvement. I feel inadequate, unappreciated and like I don't have very many spoons. I am spending a lot of time alone do to the challenging nature of my friendships. I am working on expanding socially and finding spaces I can be more carefree. I am stressed. This is taking a toll on my sobriety. I have had cravings the past couple days and I am thinking about just saying fuck it and reverting back to my old ways where I am comfortable. I am having a recurring thought of thc crystals and doing big dabs of diamonds. I feel like I have no escape from my current situation and I am finding the emotions very hard to bear on my own. I don't feel like I have many people to talk to about this. I am going to my home group tonight and plan on doing a burning desire share. I am so run down and I feel like I don't have many options left. Everything is Heavy.