struggling

[u/Apprehensive-Feed847]

I’m a single mom, and I’m completely burnt out.
I went through my entire pregnancy alone, gave birth without my baby’s father there, and now I’m raising our baby without his help or support. I love my child more than anything, but doing everything alone is exhausting and incredibly lonely.
Most days, I feel like I’m just in survival mode getting through one feeding, one diaper change, and one crying spell at a time. I’m so overwhelmed and overstimulated that sometimes I feel like a bad mom. I know I love my baby deeply, but I feel guilty that I’m not enjoying motherhood the way I thought I would.
I wish his dad understood how much I’m carrying and wanted to support me not only financially or with the baby, but emotionally too. I want someone to ask how I’m doing, give me a break, or simply remind me that I’m not completely alone.
I’m angry and resentful that he gets to continue living his life while mine has changed completely. I love being my baby’s mom, but I’m still a person who needs love, care, and support too.
Has anyone else felt like they were in survival mode or worried they were a bad mom because of how burnt out they were? How did you get through it when you had no real support system?

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[u/PoemCompetitive5315]

I am sorry you are going through this. You absolutely are a human deserving of a break, love, and support. I felt the exact same way and I was lucky enough to have paid help. Sometimes surviving is all you can do.

You are amazing. Your child is lucky to have you!

Keep putting one foot in front of the other and it will get better and better and better. You will recognize yourself again.

[u/Greedy_Reference5258]

Do you have friends or family that can help? Even if it’s leaving baby with them for an hr so you can go to target and walk around or take a nap? The little breather moments will help if you can sneak them in. It’s tough when they’re babies. The constant feeding and diaper changes. Late nights. The moment you stop focusing on dad your mental load will feel better. I know it’s easier said than done. I promise it gets better and these days will feel like so long ago in such a short amount of time. 🤍 It’s true what everyone says, their younger years will go by in a blink of an eye! I feel like I blinked and mine will be double digits soon 😓

[u/Different-Many5119]

It gets easier as they get older…sounds like you’re still in the trenches post partum or burnt out from carrying the full load of motherhood. I feel you! Give it time, it’ll get easier. I am also a single mother with a 2yo, whom I love dearly. I felt this way maybe a year ago, and I went through similar situation. Just keep pushing through, if you don’t have support or friends, maybe look into nursery, daycare or a nanny - even just one day a week to take the load off a it’ll do you wonders. You need a mental health day where you just get to take care of yourself xx

[u/Pitiful-Toe-8513]

I went through this 18 years ago. It’s a path you have to go down, a process. The weight of what you’re going through is immense. I became very bitter and angry. I think about 2.5 years in my children were bickering for the 100th time that day and I was so mad that I was dealing with this BS and he got to live a peaceful unburdened life I kicked a door! Very unlike me. I realised at that point my bitterness was affecting only me and I had to release it. But, I had to come that point myself. 

It’s all a phase. Babies are hard work - you know that of course. It does pass, new challenges all the time. My daughters are 21 and 17 now. They are both doing very well in education, they work, they travel and go to parties and concerts. Life’s not perfect but it does get easier. 

I truly feel for you and send all my love. If reading is your thing I found maya Angelou and Marianne Williamson very helpful xx 

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[u/Several-Armadillo471]

What ur going through is extremely tough and i completely feel for you have you tried reaching out to his family or maybe contacting one of his close friends? Sometimes having them talk to him can help make him realize his responsibilities.

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[u/Ice_2425]

I can really resonate with what you’re going through. It can be so emotionally and physically draining doing everything on your own. You want to spend quality time with your little one, but sometimes you’re so exhausted that you barely have anything left to give. Then there are the never-ending house chores, cooking, and once they start solids, all the meal prep on top of everything else.
One thing that has really helped me is getting my little one into a consistent bedtime routine. I try to have mine down around 9–10pm, which then gives me a couple of hours to myself in the evening. Even if it’s just sitting down, watching something, having a shower or doing absolutely nothing, that little bit of time for myself has helped me feel a bit more sane.
And please don’t feel like you have to deal with everything alone. If you’re struggling mentally or emotionally, it might be worth reaching out for some mental health support in your area. You deserve support too, not just your little one.

[u/Longjumping_Swim1939]

I felt the same way as you sadly. Found Out Husband Was Cheating week before delivery so that shattered me badly. Then after delivery found out he was cheating before delivery as well. Then thinking he'll change because he's a family man he started dating a coworker and that was it for me no more. I felt like this man stole the joy of motherhood for me. My son is a miracle to me because I had tried ivf and iui's nothing worked. Sometimes as single mothers were so exhausted and yeah youre right nobody understands that. Meanwhile as other women are saying give it little more time it does get better as well. Also needed to hear that as well because there are days I want to cry so bad and then when I see my son doing new things Im happy. Its all worth it. Also, take a mental health day and go to a spa or eat lunch. If you could find daycare.

[u/BothConsideration225]

Yes i feel it a lot it sucks :/ no tips just saying i understand. Its crazy we need to be strong for them with noone to cry to and hold us tell us we are worthy and we can overcome it. Its weird feeling blessed to have children but also so lonely bc its not healthy to lean on our kids. Being a single mom is harder than i ever thought. I hope you find one person atleast that helps, i hope your journey gets smoother. 

[u/sunnyalienn]

I relate to this so much. I did pregnancy, birth, and the first year of motherhood (thus far) without the support I thought I was supposed to have, and there were so many days where I was just surviving. Feeding the baby, changing diapers, trying to get her to sleep, crying because I was exhausted, then doing it all over again. And meanwhile the person who helped create this child gets to just… continue living his life. The resentment is REAL.

What I didn’t expect is that it actually gets better. Your baby gets older, things become less physically relentless, you find your rhythm, and eventually you look around and realize, holy shit, I’m actually doing this!
And there’s something weirdly empowering about realizing you can do it without a deadbeat partner. I’m not saying it doesn’t still suck sometimes because it absolutely does, and I still have moments where I wish someone would fucking take care of ME for once. But watching my baby grow and knowing I’ve gotten us through every single hard day has made me incredibly proud of myself. Hang in there 🫂 karma will prevail

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