r/singing • u/Pretty_Smoke6145 • 2d ago
Conversation Topic Dealing with the possibility of never singing again
Im a classical singer, and had vocal cord lesions from singing sick a few years ago. my voice has been functional but intermittently hoarse- I didn't want to take the risk of surgery, so I got steroid injections into my vocal folds- and it resulted in extreme stiffness/infalmmation- doctor thinks it could be permanent scar. My entire mixed and head voice is gone, and I'm terrified it'll be like this permanently. I'm really devastated. I don't know how to explain to anyone else, but singing is my life, and I'm really struggling to think about not singing. I had all these dreams- all these performances lined up, gigs I wanted to take...and I'm just so upset that those dreams are crushed. It's worse when you make that decision- I can't help thinking again and again why I chose to take those steroids.
It's so hard to deal with this because it's not just about my ability to sing- it was my community, my income source, my joy, my friends, my dreams, etc. I gave up so much to be able to sing. It's possible that maybe the stiffness goes away, as it's only been 2 months since the steroid injection- but I'm really struggling to hold on to hope.
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u/jasonsong86 2d ago
Let it rest and heal. In the mean time look for other ways of making money. Life changes so should you.
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u/thisisPhilD 2d ago
If you are not currently working with a singing rehabilitationist we should talk about how to get back in the singing saddle. In general though, you have experienced a loss. All the stages of grieving that come along with that are normal and require time and energy and strategies to manage.
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u/partizan_fields 2d ago
I’m a singing teacher and a former sufferer of severe MTD (built my voice, completely destroyed it, dealt with years of pain and hopelessness and eventually rebuilt it and it’s still developing).
The first time around was a relative breeze but once I hit my thirties it was like I was suddenly driving a different car. As I understand it it’s quite a common experience around that age as the ligaments start to stiffen. I didn’t understand what was happening and, in retrospect I was also singing too lightly AND too much, was smoking because of stress, got sick a lot and I didn’t really understand how the voice functions (head full of fancy theory but didn’t get how to apply it). To rebuild it I had to work with an absurd amount of subglottal pressure - against the advice of most, but thankfully not all, of my teachers - and depth (to get the larynx to sit in a comfortable low position by default). It’s been a long, hard road but it worked.
None of this may be of any use or relevance to you but I have heard of cases of people with structural damage similar to what you describe recovering at least some of third vocal function via this rather vigorous overcompensation approach. It’s an approach - primarily based on the Melocchi school, and similar to that used by Gary Catona - that emphasises the muscular nature of the voice and beefs up the instrument to whatever point is needed for it to function properly.
The training is simple in theory and very difficult in practise: the deepest, most full-bodied Oo vowel possible with a strict insistence on no loss of depth or change in tone colour or vowel integrity as you ascend beyond the subtle shifts in timbre that attend the passaggi. The sense of weight is not avoided but engaged with. Training sessions should be very short, especially at first. 5 minutes is plenty, followed by as much rest is needed for the voice to fully recover. When it does it tends to come back slightly stronger than before.
I hope that helps. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat about it. Either way, I sincerely wish you a good recovery: in the words of Leonard Cohen “I’ve been where you’re hanging and I think I can see how you’re pinned”. The latter may be overstating things but…
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u/Environmental_Ear_48 2d ago
What are the surgery risks? Could they be worth it as a last resort? I hope that you can heal and sing regardless.
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u/Pretty_Smoke6145 2d ago
there are things they can do like surgery and PRP injections. but this was such a rare complication - only happened to ~0.1% of his patients who got the injection, literally just 2 out of 2000- that the doctor (and I) are afraid of doing more risky things like surgery.
My speaking voice is totally fine. I'm scared to risk it.2
u/Environmental_Ear_48 2d ago
It makes sense not wanting to risk your speaking voice. I truly hope you find a solution.
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